Color Photographs, Chapter Sixteen

by Shady

Published December 26, 2015

18+ Language Violence

In Color Photographs

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

A car of Resnick’s men sat in a darkened car parked several hundred meters from the small hideout Meyer had on a hill outside of the city. It was a winding mountain road, not traveled by any sane person wishing to get somewhere useful, which made it the perfect place to hide. It also made it hard to sneak up on, since any car that approached would tip off whoever was inside.

The driver was a short redhead in his early thirties. He was already sweating profusely, as he stared ahead at the hut. After they informed Resnick that Meyer had in fact driven up here, regardless of the out-of-the-way path he’d taken to try to ensure he wasn’t being followed, they’d received orders to retrieve Sadie, alive. Resnick wanted to see Karson again, too, but he didn’t mind if he got shot in the process of getting Sadie, as long as she was safe.

“Meyer’s going to kill us,” the driver, Rhett, said solemnly. “We’re all dead.”

“I’m more worried about Karson, at the moment,” the bulky brunette in the seat behind him said, staring ahead at the hut. He was bigger than Karson, but he didn’t figure that would help much when Karson started shooting at them. “We’ll be lucky if he don’t shoot us all.”

“I’d almost rather he did,” Rhett announced. “Getting shot will be faster than whatever Meyer will do to us, if he finds out we were involved.”

“Shut up,” the man riding shotgun growled. He was the youngest in the car, barely older than Sadie herself, but Resnick had left him in charge. Meyer had proved that age didn’t necessarily dictate competence, as Resnick slowly gave him more and more responsibility when he was fresh out of high school. It’d made it easier for this man, Axel, to advance through the ranks.

“The girl might shoot us yet,” the brunette, Ronan, said. “I’ve seen that Lovett girl in the range… you know Mey’s bound to have armed her…”

All three men knew what they were up against— and none of them were particularly excited to start. It was no secret that Meyer was the best hitman on their side— Karson was the only one of them who wasn’t at least a little bit afraid of him, and that was probably because Karson could be just as ruthless when he wanted to be.

“Shut up!” Axel snarled again. He knew fully well his chances of pulling this job off and living to tell about it were slim. Even if they could get in and out of that house without getting shot or having to shoot their friend, Meyer was sure to get his revenge, unless he ended up dying this weekend. “Are you ladies chickening out?”

“I wouldn’t say chickening out…” Rhett started slowly.

“Just reconsidering our life decisions…” Ronan finished.

“It’s too late to be getting cold feet,” Axel said. “We’ve gotta go get the girl, or you gotta call Mr. Resnick and tell him you won’t do as he said.”

Rhett shuddered at the thought, and Axel nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now grow a set, and come on.” He got out and quietly shut the door behind him. Despite his talk, he was just as afraid as the others. He took a deep breath, then silently led the way up the hill, to Meyer’s shack.

Axel silently walked the perimeter of the small shack, careful not to let any twigs crack under his feet, as he surveyed the potential exits. There was a door on the back side of the shack, and one directly across from it on the front—otherwise the walls were solid, without so much as a window. Axel stopped half-way around the side of the shack and silently ordered Ronan to the back door and Rhett to the front door. Axel took a deep breath then nodded, ordering them to bust the doors down.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Sadie was sitting on the floor by Mr. Joe’s feet, staring up at the old man as he read the story to her. He was a good story teller, coming up with a different voice for each character, pausing dramatically, letting his voice rise and fall with the emotions in the text.

“And then,” Mr. Joe said, leaning forward. “The thief reached forward one gloved hand, and brushed his fingers over the pendant.” Mr. Joe stretched his hand over, like he was touching some invisible gem. “And right as he was about to snatch it away, he heard a key in the lock. He froze, eyes snapping to the door, just as –”

Suddenly the door flew open and a short redhead came barging in, waving his pistol. Mr. Joe sprang into action before Sadie could so much as pull her gun, his old arms filling with strength no one knew he had, as he pushed Sadie down next to his chair. “Stay low!”

Karson yanked his gun from the holster as the redhead advanced. The man jumped on him, hitting him in the face with the butt of his pistol. Karson threw him backwards a step, swinging his gun around on him once more, training it on his chest.

Sadie struggled to her feet, screaming when she saw a second man appear in the darkness outside the cabin. The man had a pistol in his hand and was pointing it at Karson, seeming about ready to shoot. Sadie threw her pistol up and fired a shot at the man. She missed. The man stumbled backwards, eyes snapping to her.

Karson and the redhead stopped fighting, trying to see who was shooting. The redhead saw Sadie, his face flushing red in anger. “You little bitch!” He swung his gun around on her.

Mr. Joe sprang out of his chair, throwing himself in front of Sadie just as the redhead fired a shot at her. Mr. Joe collapsed on the floor, a bullet wound on his shoulder spilling bright red blood into a large splotch on his shirt. Sadie’s eyes went wide in horror. “Mr. Joe!”

“Rhett, you fucker!” Karson took advantage of the redhead’s turned back and fired a shot into the center of his back. Rhett crumpled forward onto his knees, grasping the exit wound on his chest, gasping and coughing.

Sadie saw the man in the doorway, Axel, advancing on Karson with his gun still drawn. She whirled her pistol around on him, about to take another shot. The largest of the men, Ronan, had slipped in the backdoor, unnoticed in the middle of the confusion. He leaped forward and threw his arms around Sadie, knocking her off balance, making her drop her pistol.

Axel looked at them a moment, before turning his attention back to Karson. Karson was coming towards him threateningly. Axel waved his gun. “Ah-ah-ah, that’s far enough.”

“I will kill you,” Karson said through clenched teeth.

“And then what?” Axel asked. “You think you can kill Ronan, too, before he puts a bullet in the girl’s head?”

Karson hesitated, glancing over at where Sadie was still struggling with the tall brunette. She elbowed him in the side as hard as she could, making him turn loose of her. She whirled around and threw her fist at his face. She landed a solid blow, making him stumble backward, but a moment later had her arms clamped to her side. She stopped struggling as Ronan pulled his pistol and pressed it to her temple.

Karson looked back at Axel, taking a deep breath. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen next, but he knew he couldn’t just let them take Sadie. “So what now?”

“Now, you put your gun down like a good boy,” Axel said.

“Not gonna happen,” Karson said. “Try again.”

“It is unless you want me to shoot her now,” Axel said, swinging his gun around on Sadie.

Karson looked back at where Sadie was standing very still. She was panting, her arms shaking so badly it was easy to see from clear across the room, tears freely streaming down her face as she stared at where Mr. Joe was writhing on the ground.

“You planning on shooting Ronan, too?” Karson turned his eyes back on Axel, lifting an eyebrow. “We both know a bullet would go straight through her at that range.”

“I don’t give a fuck about Ronan,” Axel said. “I take my orders from someone a lot scarier.”

“You should quit him…. It’s really freeing.”

“Shut up and drop the gun.”

“J-just shoot him,” Sadie sniffled. “Then this asshole can-can shoot me, and you can shoot him, too. End this nightmare.”

“Sades…” Karson said slowly.

“We don’t got all day,” Axel said, narrowing his eyes. “Make your choice, Hynes.”

Karson threw another glance at Sadie. Judging from the look on Ronan’s face, Karson didn’t figure he’d actually shoot. At least not unless Karson shot Axel. Ronan was a follower, and the sweat dripping down his neck as his eyes flicked nervously between Karson and Axel betrayed how scared he was. He couldn’t let Sadie get kidnapped again. He’d seen what it’d done to her last time—and it wasn’t going to happen again, if he could help it.

Karson lunged forward, throwing himself at Axel. Axel stumbled backward as Karson’s fist landed on his jaw. A moment later he fired a shot toward Karson. Karson yelped and landed heavily, sliding across the floor, clawing at his arm. Axel sprang forward and yanked a needle out of his pocket. He jerked the top off with his teeth, then dove on top of Karson and sank the needle his arm and depressed the needle.

“What the fu… what was… what did you give me?” Karson blinked stupidly, swatting clumsily at the syringe still sticking out of his arm.

“Sedative, bastard,” Axel panted, struggling to his feet. He rubbed his jaw resentfully, glaring down at Karson. Karson made an attempt to sit up, before he collapsed again. His eyes rolled back into his head.

Sadie’s entire body was racked with silent sobs, as she looked between Karson and Mr. Joe. Neither could help her now. She looked up at her attackers, all hopes of escape now a distant thought. She had to try. She renewed her struggle, stomping down on Ronan’s foot as hard as she could, as she sank her fingernails into his forearm.

She twisted around in his arms, doing her best to bring knee him in the groin. Without leverage, she wasn’t able to make him turn her loose. He shook her. “You stop that, now.”

“Fuck you, bastard,” she snarled, doing her best to land a blow in his side.

“No you don’t,” Axel said, grabbing her arm and jerking her away from Ronan. He swiftly yanked her across the room and threw her into the wall. He grabbed her arms and pulled them behind her back, securing them together tightly with a zip tie that dug deep into her flesh. She jerked once more, but stopped as the zip tie dug into her wrist, making a thin cut in her skin. Axel shook her. “Calm down.”

“Oh god,” Ronan said. Axel turned and saw him staring at where Rhett lay limply on the floor. “What are we going to do now? Rhett… oh god.”

Axel grabbed Sadie’s arm and jerked her towards the recliner. He gave her a push. “Have a seat, princess.”

She sat down on the edge of the recliner, looking up at him resentfully. Mr. Joe was lying nearby, groaning and holding his shoulder. Axel and Ronan walked over to Rhett and rolled him over, checking to see if he was still breathing. Sadie watched them for a moment, then sank to her knees next to Mr. Joe.

“Joe…” She whispered, leaning low over him. “Joe, you gonna make it?”

“Well if I ain’t, I hope I go so soon,” he muttered. He rolled over onto his back and looked up at her, shaking his head. “I’m sorry.”

“We don’t have time,” Axel said, standing up suddenly. “We gotta leave him here with these other assholes.” He turned and looked at Sadie. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Axel quickly strode across the room and grabbed her arm, jerking her to her feet. He pulled a dark hood over her head, and gestured at Ronan to grab Karson, then pushed her towards the door. “We’re off to see the wizard, honey.” 

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Mea
Review
Mea wrote a review Review · Feb 28, 2016

Hi! I'm back again.

So, another good, action-packed chapter. I'm getting excited to read what happens next.

The main thing I noticed about this chapter was a lack of internal emotion on the part of the characters. For a while, especially towards the end, I really couldn't tell whose head we were in, just because there were no specific thoughts or emotions, just plain telling what was going on. I'm thinking it's Sadie's viewpoint, and it feels like it should be, but I wasn't really sure.

I wasn't too keen on the use of the sedative - I think that in order to use enough sedative to get him to go under that fast, especially when it was just shoved into his arm without actually finding a vein, it could be quite dangerous. I think something more plausible is the rag-over-the-mouth tactic with whatever chemical that works with? I think that usually knocks people out fairly quickly. But you may want to look it up just to be sure. Also, I feel like they'd sedate Sadie too, at least once they're out in the car.

We don’t have time,” Axel said, standing up suddenly. “We gotta leave him here with these other assholes.” He turned and looked at Sadie. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Axel quickly strode across the room and grabbed her arm, jerking her to her feet.

This part confused me a little bit - didn't Axel make Sadie sit there a moment ago? Why is he mad now?

Also, your ending has a slight continuity problem - you say that Axel "gestured" to bring Karson, but Sadie has a bag over her head at that point. How can she see him gesturing? (Assuming it is her viewpoint.)

The beginning also confused me a bit - I didn't really understand the alliances they were talking about. I had it figured out though, until the comment about Meyer being the "best hitman on their side." Which side were you talking about?

Anyway, that's all I've got for you! Looking forward to the next part.

User avatar
BondGirl007
Review
BondGirl007 wrote a review Review · Dec 30, 2015

Back for more! And this is where everything starts going down, I'm getting excited!

Spoiler
staring ahead at the hut.
You already described another character as staring at the hut, try using some synonyms. Peering, gazing, eyeballing, glancing. Shack, cabin, cottage.

So you said " that Meyer had in fact driven up [too the hideout]" but a little bit later when Resnick's men are talking about how afraid they are to storm the castle, they act like they know that Meyer's not there. They talk about how afraid they are of Karson, and even of Sadie shooting them, but if they know that Meyer's not there, than wouldn't they know he had stopped off at Reneve's?

Spoiler
“We’ve gotta go get the girl, or you gotta call Mr. Resnick and tell him you won’t do as he said.”
So your dialogue throughout the story has been pretty solid as far as realistic, relate-able dialogue goes. Just when it comes to the drug posses talking to each other, a lot of the time it just doesn't have the same kind of spark to it that the rapport between the other characters. This line for example, it sounds like a babysitter threatening to call the parents so the kids will behave, it sounds like a tattletale. Not a hardcore enforcer for a drug kingpin that's about to do some cap-busting and kidnapping.

Spoiler
Axel silently walked the perimeter of the small shack,
You could just say small building to avoid repetition.

Spoiler
“And then,” Mr. Joe said, leaning forward. “The thief reached forward one gloved hand, and brushed his fingers over the pendant.” Mr. Joe stretched his hand over, like he was touching some invisible gem. “And right as he was about to snatch it away, he heard a key in the lock. He froze, eyes snapping to the door, just as –”

Suddenly the door flew open and a short redhead came barging in, waving his pistol.
Loooove this! I could see this being a scene in a movie. But again with the description of the way they carry their guns. In much earlier chapters you have both Lukas and Karson described as "waving guns/pistols". Try brandish, wield, or other synonyms.

Spoiler
He leaped forward and threw his arms around Sadie, knocking her off balance, making her drop her pistol.
So he hugged her basically? Or was it more of a tackle? This is when she gets caught, so I'd make the action a bit more interesting.

Spoiler
he was. He couldn’t let Sadie get kidnapped again.
First he is talking about Ronan, second he is talking about Karson. But it could easily be confused as Ronan, because the last sentence was about him, and it seems like all of a sudden he cares about Sadie and doesn't want her to get kidnapped.

So this was probably my favorite chapter so far, loving the action and the back and forth between the thugs. Like I said earlier: it can be improved in some places, but overall I like it. I think you've got your dialogue pretty solid at this point, so the only advice that I give you on that is really focus on making the characters sound unique. Like if it was just a page of dialogue, nothing else, you should be able to tell who's who based just on the way they speak. Again, that's just me being picky picky. I'm movin' on to chapter 17, can't wait to see what happens!

~Hope



I can factcheck ur flashback outfits
— SirenCymbaline