Alyss
I close my eyes
and the darkness envelops me
I claim to fear it, but in truth
it can feel warm
comforting
soft
like the hugs i used to receive
from those i loved
I close my eyes
and i do not fear the dark
but myself
and my memories
the things i relive
and replay
over, and over
and replay
over and over
again
I close my eyes
and the scenes of battle
are clear in my mind
like a broken record
stuck in an endless loop
I remember their faces
their names
the ones i fought beside
the ones i lived beside
I close my eyes
and I remember
the feel of the blades in my hands
the smell of metal and steel
the pounding of my heart
the shouts of the warriors
the rhythm of our feet as we marched
I close my eyes
and my mind calls back
my mother’s smile
her gentle caresses
it would seem that this memory is a happy one
but it aches the most
because it reminds me
of what i have lost
and how disappointed she would be
with the person that i have become
I close my eyes
and I see my mother’s smile
but this time
her eyes are closed
and she has gone to a better place
or so they tell me
i hold the torch
prepared to burn her body
you came from dust
and to dust you shall return
I close my eyes
and i see my first kiss
my first love
his tousled blond hair
intermingled with blood
that stained his chest
his mouth
his hands
my hands
I close my eyes
and try to forget
the horrors
that I have seen
i try to convince myself
i am safe now
but i will never truly be safe
as long as i can think
i will never truly be safe
from the memories
I close my eyes…
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,616 Literary Works • 672,626 Reviews
I like the unexpected relationship the speaker has with darkness, there's a lot of poems about tge pain oc "darkness" but your poem adds a layer to it of the speaker almost being more at ease there despite the pain. Layering emotion (having a variety of sad/happy/confused/etc) is a good way to add interest & originality to poems, but it also seems to make them truer to life since we rarely experience just one emotion at a time, but there's always a mix of factors going on.
Fave lines? Gotta be these ones:
Love the scripture/creation/sin allusion & the vivid dramatic starkness of burning someone up (also fits perfectly with your light/dark motif)
Keep on writing!!
Thanks for this, aliyah! I really appreciate it!
g’day ma'am/sir.
one of my favorite things that are noticeable in this poem is the repetition of the phrase 'i close my eyes' as it holds meaning for you and most likely the main character. i don't know who your character is, but from this poem i get a rather detailed idea. although the repetition can be a little wild in places.
i said before that some places have meaning, and i am referencing the last line, which seems more powerful as the ellipses give the affect. i'm glad that they aren't overused too, which happens more than it should.
stay cool, my dude.
Thank you for the review.
Hi! I'd like to start by saying that this poem is absolutely lovely. The cadence flows well, and the repetition of "I close my eyes" emphasizes the theme of remembering by instilling a sense of familiarity in the reader that gets stronger as the poem goes on. This familiarity also highlights the finality of the last "I close my eyes" because the words we expect to hear after that never come. Additionally, the emotion of this piece is amazing. Even the happier memories of the narrator's mother and the narrator's first kiss are tinged with sadness. I haven't read whichever one of your stories this character is from, but the narrative here is so well-constructed that I still have a somewhat clear idea of what the narrator has gone through. Wonderful job!
Thank you!
I've promised myself I won't cry.
You aren't the first one to do this here, and I doubt you'll be the last... I should probably get used to it...
Hello, Shadeflame! This is Vilnius with a review.
I love this poem. The emotions of sadness and depression are enhanced through remembering three different things-- a battle, the narrator's mother, and the narrator's first love.
It is absurdly amazing, in my honest opinion, that you've been able to exhibit such an emotional piece and made me break my promise not to cry...
Spoiler
Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!
Thank you for reviewing my poem. I'm glad you enjoyed it!