*I'm experimenting with rhythm and trochee, so to anyone who has experience with it, nit-picks would be greatly appreciated!*
Rejection
I came upon the words of naught
sought out on one, a selfish thought-
to rid the sorrows of the flesh,
free of my untimeliness.
On somber days one came to call
someone so handsome, fresh from hull-
I spoke in rush and gentle hush-
words fall spiritless at first blush.
Is it not this weak word, bitter sputter,
a sad attempt fallen from my cracked lip,
The blood spitting out my despairing woe-
oh! your biting, cruel words, how they do slash
Creating ever-bleeding, open gash
by virtue of your words resting bitter
crushed determination behind my eyes,
Leaving more room for your heart to despise.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,849 Literary Works • 672,067 Reviews
Hi! here for your contest winning review!
Grammar:
Nice, except this line:
this should be Creating an ever bleeding open gash.
Plot:
since this is a poem it doesn't really have plot, but you've somehow to create one
Overall:
I really liked it. You don't need hyphon's in this poem and this layout is choopy. try smoothing it over a little.
Hope this helps!
pointe
You don't need the hyphens in this piece.
I really liked all of the detail
The ending, in my opinion was good, not weak.
overall this was outstanding!
keep up the good work!
~Hope
It is a good piece....
You don't need to give hyphens when you are breaking one line into two it isn't necessary....
The ending is quite good.... I don't see any problem in it....
Keep writing...
PM me for anything...