Finders, keepers; losers, weepers.

Hiya, whatcha! I love the creative plays of imagery here that depict the speaker’s emotional conflict. The voice in this poem seemed to be one of frustration and maybe even hopelessness. I think this is very clear in the audio recording, with the “even if . . . even if . . . “ lines. This poem definitely evokes a feeling of sadness and pathos for the speaker’s fears.

Subject, Themes, Narrative

I got the sense that the main subject in this poem is how the speaker feels trapped by their fear of loss, rather than say, the loss itself, especially in the final lines. “self-imposed” gives me the impression that the entrapment is coming from something internal to the speaker – not something under their control, but something within them nonetheless.

The way the speaker struggles to avoid losing things seems to be portrayed as futile, especially in the line “hoping this hopeless act of acting”. I thought that contributed to the overall sense of entrapment, because it seems they can neither stand to continue feeling this fear, nor stand to let anything go – if that makes sense!

Language and Imagery

I noticed a very complex chain of images from different ‘groups’ of things throughout this poem. Firstly, there is that metaphor of the hula hoop that describes how the speaker’s life is consumed by the fear of losing. The metaphor is revisited in each stanza, and I thought it helped to tie everything together, as it is the first image that introduces this motif of ‘rotation’ or ‘orbit’ that is carried over to the other groups of imagery.

Secondly, I thought the combination of ‘air’ and visceral imagery made for some emphasis on the speaker’s emotions here. For instance “every rotation of my core another chance to hold my breath and wait” makes the sensation of being suffocated feel very immediate and internal due to the word “core” being so raw.

Thirdly, the cosmic imagery, which goes so well with the ‘hula hoop’ because of the idea of rotations and orbits connecting the two. I really liked the last image of the “self-imposed planet”. It made me think of gravity and weight, as if it was all weighing down heavily on the speaker’s shoulders at that point. I’m not sure how the lost rings fit into it – maybe age? Do planets lose their rings over time? Nonetheless, it brings the poem full circle.

An additional thing in the language I noticed was how you used the scientific register to make things seem out of the speaker’s control, for example in “Everything that is found might imminently fall out of my orbit . . .”. The passive voice here seems to distance the “found” things from the speaker, who is only indirectly referred to here, i.e. it’s their “orbit” being mentioned, not them as an agent. If I remember correctly, I think you used this too in some of your other poems (inconsistent temperature comes to mind), and it’s pretty neat that you have a recurring technique like this!

Structure and Sound

Something that struck me immediately about this poem is its form that matches its imagery and subject matter. All throughout the reading I felt I was watching something spinning in a spiral through a tube, but also falling, and tumbling out somewhere unknown. I say ‘tube’, because there’s a definite sense of entrapment throughout, and despite the cyclical motif, the poem itself definitely built up momentum and felt like it was going somewhere – namely, I think, that “self-imposed planet” phrase at the end.

Given that this is a prose poem, there was also the challenge of getting a good rhythm in, without using ‘line breaks’ proper, and I thought you basically nailed it here! A lot of the rhythm comes from sound devices, and those are really clever as well. I loved the rhymes, like “found/ ground”.

The pace felt quick and flow-y for most of the poem. Some of the parts where I felt I got stuck or was being made to slow down a bit somehow included “I will welcome oxygen starvation.”. I think this line just has sounds that aren’t repeated in the surrounding lines, unlike situations like “wrap its iron grasp” where the repeated [r] sound sort of makes the words bleed together more when read aloud.

My favourite bit in terms of sound alone is in the last line:

and I lose my rings and I am lost in the wreckage of losing things.

This poem was.... absolutely incredible. I'm genuinely in shock. (Like the hula hoop, I have lost my marbles).

Your extended metaphor of the hula hoop was very unique and creative, and I never would have made such a connection- it's astounding. Your switching between a more personal, almost desperate writing style and your cosmic, beautiful one has a fantastic effect, spinning like the hula hoop. Your sentences are all so uniquely structured, your words chosen beautifully. AH!! I loved this!! I want to go over every single thing you said and break it down and analyze it down to the last letter (I might actually do that later...) For now, though, I suppose I shall stick to this review.

This is INCREDIBLE. I'll definitely be coming back to reread

that was great! i read it three times in a row and did not get bored. you are a great writer! keep writing!

<3

also one of my favourites from your NaPo this year c: your poetry is mindblowing, whatcha. this poem is just :') <3333 WHY ARE YOU SO TALENTED, IT'S ILLEGAL TO BE THIS TALENTED?!?!?!?!??!!?!

Hi, Lady Here with a review!
Wow right off the bat I love this so much.

It really feels full of emotion and reading it, well I don't want to stop reading it.

I love this line

My whole world revolves around that fear, a hula hoop that barely manages to stay in my sway, woozy with the knowledge that anything has the potential to disappear.

Though it is only a matter of time before I forget I am a self-imposed planet, and I lose my rings and I am lost in the wreckage of losing things.