True Romance

I remember it vividly, that day when we first met. Her skin was pale and her hair jet black. She was funny, she was nice, she was clever. I had never been so in love before. 

We talked about music, fashion, films. We had so much in common. We both loved Fleetwood Mac and The Beatles. We both loved Evil Dead, but disliked the new one.

I learnt about her upbringing. Born in Mexico, raised in Chicago. I’d never been to Chicago, but now I would surely go. I spoke a little Spanish with her, surely that would impress her. I needed to impress her.

It was foolish of me to let my primitive emotions get ahold of me, my raw uncut passion. It never would have happened. I was fourteen and she was sixteen. She said it herself, but maybe I was the exception.

When prom came, we danced and danced, the caveat being we were just friends. She put her arm around my shoulder. A beacon of false hope. A single moment that spawned my many lovesick fantasies. 

Soon, it was over. Everybody had gone home and all that was left of her was the fantasy. I yearned and yearned. Every moment of everyday was spent thinking about this idea of her. I wanted her, I needed her.

We texted every so often. It became like heroin to me, my lifeline. When we weren’t talking, I was thinking about talking. I was so naive.

Eventually, like all good things, it came to an end. We stopped talking all together. It felt like my whole world had crumbled. Love was my drug and my dealer had cut me off.

Just like with a withdrawal, I soon fell into a deep dark hole. I felt worthless, pitiful. Scum to be stepped on by everyone. I grew to blame myself, loathe myself. Im pathetic. Nobody even likes me, bunch of paid actors.

Then I blamed her, loathed her even. I felt led on, betrayed even. How could she stop talking to me? I thought we had something. Something special. Am I just another toy?

It took me too long to realise, it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t my fault either. Love just hurts. Sometimes it can lift you to the heavens, sometimes it can drag you into darkness.

Part of me still loves her, but thats just the way the ball rolls. In life you meet people and lose people, but you just have to keep rolling on. The world is a vast ocean, and there are plenty of fish to be found.

It’s funny, I thought that losing her would mean losing everything, losing all that meant to me. In my life, it turned out to be a ripple in a pond. It seemed so big in the moment.

I missed you, Celeste. Im sad it’s over but happy it happened. You’ve taught me a lot about life, and how the world works. And for that, I am truly grateful.