Storm.

Oh my goodness. This is excellent writing. The way it carries you away and holds you there until poem finishes is brilliant. It flows so well and is easy to read.

I only have on complaint. The line (Lightning flashes, and lights up the sky,) I think would read better if you wrote it (Lightning flashes, lighting up the sky,) That's just in my opinion. Anyway great work.

Hello Rain here! So, I liked this poem, the rhyming messed me up a bit, if you could have a set rhyme scheme, it would work really good.

Red- Grammer mistakes
Blue- Things I think you should change to make the poem better, in my opinion, or from my expereance.
Pink/purple- Things I really like
Green- Aditional comments

A brilliant sun with skies so blue,
The day so warm, and flowers in bloom. << I like the rhyme between these two.
Clouds roll in, dark and low,
The sun now hidden as the rain pours down. << So, first, this line reads kind of awakardly, and second, You should rhyme the last word of this line with "low".

Lightning flashes, and lights up the sky,
A sense of doom, an excited cry. << I like this because I have always loved storms and when I was little when a storm would come I would hear lightning and scream then just laugh at myself and go to the door to watch.The sky grows quiet, as the sun goes down.
A red stained dusk with thickening clouds. << You should make this last word rhyme with "down". You may have to change the line up a bit to do so though.

Purple lights up the night as the stars come out, << So, with this, before you say that the clouds are getting thicker, how would the stars be able to be seen if there are really thick clouds in the sky?
A night so calm, alive with thundering rounds.
Drifting far away, with the clouds,
As the storm dissipates, into the sound.

it was a very good poem, i thought anyhow, very descriptive and such. it showed creativeness and gave a good image of what you were explaining. good work =D

ScarlettFire wrote:Storm

A brilliant sun with skies so blue,
The day so warm, and flowers in bloom.
Clouds roll in, dark and low,
The sun now hidden as the rain pours down. I really liked everything up until here. I agree with Lily. It has one two many syllables. If you don't mind making the first stanza a different length, you could probably try seperating the line. Or you could just take out/change a word. It's your poem, so it's really up to you in the end.

ScarlettFire wrote:Purple lights up the night as the stars come out,
A night so calm, alive with thundering rounds.
Drifting far away, with the clouds, And this is the only other line I wanted to point out. This one seems like it doesn't have enough syllables. Add an adjective before clouds, or an adverb before drifting. Or maybe I'm just rambling. xD
As the storm dissipates, into the sound.

ScarlettFire wrote:Storm

A brilliant sun with skies so blue,
The day so warm, and flowers in bloom.
Clouds roll in, dark and low,
The sun now hidden as the rain pours down.

Lightning flashes, and lights up the sky,
A sense of doom, an excited cry.
The sky grows quiet, as the sun goes down.
A red stained dusk with thickening clouds.

Purple lights up the night as the stars come out,
A night so calm, alive with thundering rounds.
Drifting far away, with the clouds,
As the storm dissipates, into the sound.

Hi, ScarlettFire. I'm going to be reviewing your poem today. Cool user name by the way. Now onto the review.

Storm

A brilliant sun with skies so blue,
The day so warm, and flowers in bloom.
Clouds roll in, dark and low,
The sun now hidden as the rain pours down. It seems like this line makes the flow falter

Lightning flashes, and lights up the sky,
A sense of doom, an excited cry.
The sky grows quiet, as the sun goes down.
A red stained dusk with thickening clouds.

Purple lights up the night as the stars come out,
A night so clam, alive with thundering rounds. Do you mean calm?
Drifting far away, with the clouds,
As the storm dissipates, into the sound.

Hey Scar. I thought this was really good. I found it flowed really well, and the rhyming scheme was strong. But I thought the rhythm in the last stanza was lost. It just seemed not to fit with the rhythm of the rest of the poem. But other than that, I thought it was really good.