16+ Language Violence

A God Named Sin 2nd Chapter

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

A God Named Sin

By Heather Anderson

Chapter 2 - Wardenberries and zonae

Finally, they reached what seemed to be the army camp Xevik had spoken of. Lots of white tents were put up in rows and a few larger tents were scattered around the camp. There were 2 buildings — a large one near the back of the camp and a smaller one towards the center. There were lots of people — maybe 50 or so — scattered around the camp. Some were grouped up, some were walking around by themselves, and some were going in or coming out of camps. All of the people, however, were wearing the same uniform as Xevik, and had weird features like him. Wings, tails, horns, claws, animal ears. It confused Rylie.

But Rylie didn't get much time to really process this new environment. When Xevik walked into the camp with Rylie, all the people who looked at him stopped dead in their tracks. Some backed away, some came closer. One whispered something to another person, who nodded and ran off into the camp somewhere. After a few seconds, someone spoke up.

"Bluekeep... What is that?" a person at the front of the crowd asked, pointing at Rylie.

Xevik raised a calming hand. “Don’t worry. This is Rylie. She’s a human.”

Immediately, the crowd erupted in a cacophony of startled cries and shocked murmurs. Another person at the front of the group, sounding older than the rest, spoke up.

“Are you mad, Bluekeep?! You’ve brought a human into our camp?!” the older sounding person asked. “And how do you know its name? They can’t speak!”

“Please, everyone, calm yourselves,” Xevik said, his voice firm but also gentle. “She won’t hurt any of you. She has an injured leg and needs medical attention.”

The older person scoffed. "That human could be dangerous, Bluekeep! And taking it to the medical tent where injured people are? It could kill someone!"

Xevik's wings bristled. "Dangerous!? She can't even walk! How is she going to harm anybody when she's in her current state? I gave her my word I’d see to her injury, and I intend to keep it.”

The older person looked like they were going to argue further, but a loud, authoritative voice yelled through the camp.

"What in the 8 Chief Gods is going on here? I could hear you all yelling all the way across the damned camp!"

All the people went quiet and the group of them around Xevik parted to let a middle-aged man walk up to Xevik. The middle-aged man had pure white hair with a single black strip in it. His eyes were an unnatural yellow color. His right eye was closed and had a bunch of scars that looked like claw marks around it. There were 2 black horns coming out of his head, 2 black leathery wings with white tips furled behind the man, and a white tail with a black tip that almost looked like a demon tail was swaying behind him. He was also wearing a uniform, but his looked fancier them everyone else's, with metals and ribbons attached to it.

Xevik straightened himself up and folded his wings back up. "Killian, sir," Xevik said. His tone was suddenly very respectful, and his attitude was suddenly humbler.

The man —Killian — looked from Xevik to Rylie and stared at her for a second. His gaze shifted up and down as he seemed to study her. Killian then looked back at Xevik. "Care to explain why you are standing in the middle of camp holding a human, Bluekeep?" Killian's voice had a slight undertone of irritation in it.

"She's injured, sir. I was going to take her to the medical tent to get a healer to take a look at her," Xevik responded.

Killian's eyes narrowed and he was silent for a moment. "What's wrong with her?" he asked.

"She's broken her leg pretty bad, sir," Xevik replied, tilting Rylie slightly to show her injury, which was hidden by her bloody pant leg. Killian looked at it with an almost suspicious curiosity.

"Take her to the medical tent, Bluekeep," Killian said. "And then come talk to me afterwards in the central command tent.”

Xevik nodded and gave a quick “yes sir”, before walking off into the camp while still holding Rylie. As Xevik walked, the people in the camp gave him — more specifically Rylie — looks of curiosity, shock, and even some of fear. It was making Rylie uncomfortable. She didn’t get why they were looking her like that. Why they looked scared.

After a minute or so of walking, they reached a large, cream-colored tent. Xevik carried Rylie inside and then laid her onto a cot. The cot was very comfortable for something in a military camp and had thick blankets on it. After setting Rylie down, 3 people, who Rylie guessed were the healers, walked over. 2 of the healers looked fairly young while the 3rd looked much older.

The older looking healer had shoulder length hair that was white, like snow, with black streaks running through it in a zig-zag pattern, and their eyes were a pale blue color. Based on their body, Rylie could guess they were female. The healer looked at Rylie with a bland, unamused expression for a few seconds before speaking.

“So, Bluekeep. You’ve brought a human, I see,” the healer said in a monotonous tone, not asking a question but merely stating a fact. Xevik nodded.

“Yes. She’s hurt — her leg. I think it’s broken,” Xevik explained, setting Rylie’s backpack next to the cot she was laying on. “I could see a bit of bone sticking out.”

The healer looked Rylie over, focused on her leg. She then turned to one of the 2 younger looking healers, who had wolf-like ears on their head, covered partially with their lavender hair. “Fenrir, go fetch me some clean bandages and a splint please.”

The lavender-haired healer, Fenrir, nodded and disappeared somewhere off into the tent. The older healer then turned to the other young healer, who had brown hair and orange eyes. “Raven, go fetch some Wardenberries and Zonae. We’ll need it for her pain.”

The brown-haired healer, Raven, nodded and also disappeared somewhere in the tent. Xevik looked from Rylie to the older healer.

“I have to go. Killian wants to talk with me,” Xevik suddenly said, sounding a bit uncomfortable.

The healer looked at Xevik. “You brought a human into the camp,” she said, “that means you deal with the consequences. But it won’t be too bad. Killian is a fair man, unlike his brother.”

Xevik nodded at gave Rylie one last look before walking out of the tent. What happened next was mostly a blur. Raven and Fenrir came back, and the healer, who Raven and Fenrir called Na’viir, gave Rylie a couple of berries, orange in color and each about the size of a blueberry. The berries tasted bitter, like raw cocoa, but a few minutes after eating them, the pain in Rylie’s leg went away. Na’viir also gave Rylie a drink that had a sour taste and a thick, syrupy texture to it. The drink made Rylie feel a little drowsy and disconnected from her surroundings, but it kept her mind off her leg.

Rylie must’ve dozed off at one point, because the next thing she knew, it was dark outside, and she was alone in the tent. She looked down at her leg, feeling groggy and slightly dizzy, and saw that it was in a splint with odd black leather and buckles holding it firmly in place. Her pant leg was also ripped off just above her knee and her shoes were removed, sitting next to the cot she was on, along with her backpack — which meant she wouldn't be bored. There was a table next to the bed with a few folded blankets, a cup of water with some leaves floating in it, and a small bowl of those orange berries. The three healers were nowhere to be seen, leaving Rylie alone in the dimly lit tent.

Rylie moved to sit up and there were no bolts of pain shooting through her leg, just a dull ache. She reached over the cot and unzipped her backpack, pulling out her sketchbook. Being alone, and it being late at night, would give her plenty of time to draw. She pulled a pencil out of her bag, flipped to a clean page, and began sketching. She was thinking about everything, though. How she had gone from walking through the school with her friends, to in a forest, with a broken leg, with strange people in it. Not to mention, the people all kept looking at her like she didn’t belong there, and some even looked scared of her. It was all very confusing to Rylie, and a small part of her just wanted to wake up and be back home already.

Rylie just sat there, pondering her situation, and sketching in her sketchbook — sketching out a picture of Xevik and his odd appearance. After a short time of sketching and deep thought, Rylie heard the flap of the medical tent open, and she looked up and saw Killian walk in, with Xevik at his side.

Killian looked down at Rylie, his eyes scanning her for a brief moment. Xevik stepped forward, standing next to the cot Rylie was sitting on.

“So… Bluekeep, this is the human you found in the forest?” Killian said, his voice low and gruff.

Xevik nodded. “Yes, sir. Her leg was hurt pretty bad when I found her.”

"Well, Na’viir seems to have patched her up alright,” Killian said, his eyes still focused on Rylie.

Rylie felt uneasy under Killian’s intense gaze. Killian looked over Rylie again, this time more thoroughly.

“You don’t have to be quiet. Xevik told me that you can understand our tongue,” Killian said, his eyes narrowed slightly.

Ryile knew she had to respond, even though she was still figuring out everything going on around her. “Y-yes, I can understand you.”

Killian nodded slightly. “Good. Now, what brings a human like you to Va’Leria?”

“I-I’m not sure,” Rylie said, her voice shaking slightly. “I don’t even know how I got here.”

Killian raised an eyebrow. “You don’t know how you got here?”

Rylie shook her head slightly. “No, I was just with my friends at school and then I ended up in the forest with a broken leg.”

Killian studied Rylie for a moment before speaking again. “Well, that’s certainly…interesting. What is your name, human?”

“Rylie,” she replied, her voice steadier now.

“Do you have a last name, Rylie?” Killian asked.

“Oh, yea. It’s Westland,” Rylie said.

Killian nodded. “Rylie Westland…” he said, almost to himself.

There was a moment of silence before Xevik spoke up. “So, what are we going to do with her, Killian?”

Killian looked between Xevik and Rylie for a moment before answering. “I’ll have someone take a message to the council. They’ll decide to do with her from there. In the meantime, we’ll take care of her.”

Xevik nodded. “Alright.”

Killian stood there silently for a moment; his eyes once again fixed on Rylie. Rylie felt her stomach twist in nerves under his gaze. He was intimidating and Rylie couldn’t quite figure out what he was thinking. A lot seemed to be going through his mind as he looked at her. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally spoke again.

“Get some rest, Rylie. You’ll need it to heal up that leg of yours,” Killian said, a slight edge to his voice. “I’ll have the healers take care of you in the meantime.”

With that, Killian turned and left the medical tent, leaving Rylie alone with Xevik once again. Rylie let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding, feeling some of the tension ease out of her body. Xevik looked at her, his eyes landing on her sketchbook and the drawing she was working on.

“Are you drawing me?” Xevik asked, tilting his head slightly. Rylie looked down at the sketch and nodded, feeling a bit self-conscious. Xevik took note of her look and gave her a small smile.

“Are all humans stubborn and afraid of new things, or is it just you?” Xevik asked, his tone playful. Rylie looked up at him, her expression becoming slightly defensive.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rylie asked, her tone a bit sharper than she intended.

“Well, you seemed quite…unsettled when you first saw me and now again with Killian. And you were really stubborn and problematic when I found you in the forest,” Xevik explained.

“I was not stubborn! I was just trying to figure out what was going on,” Rylie said, crossing her arms a bit.

Xevik chuckled. “Perhaps, but you could have been a bit more… trusting.”

“You literally look like a something out of a book, how was I supposed to trust you right away?” Rylie retorted, her voice raising slightly.

Xevik raised his hands in a placating gesture. “Fair enough, I suppose. But, I guess I should say that you also look like something out of a book too.”

Rylie stared at him for a moment, processing his words. “What do you mean?”

Xevik smiled. “Well, humans are not exactly common sights around here. I think most Va’Lerians only know about humans from the Book of the Lands.”

“The Book of the Lands?” Rylie asked, tilting her head slightly.

“It’s a book,” Xevik began, “it was written back in… 1391 A.L.C., I believe. I haven’t read it in a while, but-”

“Wait, wait, wait,’” Rylie interrupted. “1391 A.L.C.? What does that mean?”

Xevik chuckled. “It means After the Land Cleavage. It’s how we keep track of time here in Va’Leria.”

Rylie blinked slowly, trying to process what Xevik was telling her. “So… what year is it here then, exactly?”

Xevik blinked and tilted his head in confusion. “Year? What do you mean by year?”

“I mean, what year is it, like what year are we in?” Rylie asked.

“I don’t understand your question. What is a year? Is this like the ‘English’ thing you were talking about earlier?” Xevik asked, his brow furrowed.

Rylie huffed. “A year is how we measure time where I come from. It’s one lap of the planet around the sun.”

Xevik thought for a moment. “Oh, you mean okrans! I see. In that case, well, the current okran is 6143 A.L.C.”

Rylie’s eyes widened. “6143 A.L.C.?! It’s only 2023 where I come from!”

Xevik’s eyes widened as well. “2023? That is… quite different from our time.”

“Well, no shit, Sherlock,” Rylie muttered under her breath.

“Excuse me?” Xevik looked confused. “What did you just say?”

“It was nothing,” Rylie replied.

“It didn’t sound like nothing,” Xevik said with a frown. “It kinda sounded like an insult.”

“Okay, maybe it was an insult,” Rylie said with an annoyed expression. “It means ‘Thanks for pointing out something that is really obvious you dumb-’”

Xevik raised a hand, interrupting her. “Oh, I see now. Humans have strange ways of speaking, don’t they?”

Rylie rolled her eyes. “I could say the same about you.”

Xevik chuckled. “Anyways, as I was saying. The Book of the Lands was written in 1391 A.L.C. by Vylan Auvergne. It’s just a book containing all the information on the different species, foods, drinks, and places here in Va’Leria. It’s been changed a lot over the years, but it’s still useful.”

“Oh so it’s like an encyclopedia?” Rylie asked.

Xevik stared at Rylie with a confused expression again. “Encyclo-what?”

“Encyclopedia? It’s like a book that has all the information about a subject,” Rylie explained. Xevik shook his head and muttered, “Humans have such strange words.”

Rylie sighed, opening her mouth to respond, but was cut off by a sudden shouting outside the tent.

“Dulak! Quick, all soldiers! Dulak!”

Xevik’s head snapped towards the commotion and his expression turned serious. He stood and quickly headed towards the entrance to the tent.

“What’s going on?” Rylie asked concernedly.

Xevik paused and looked back at her. “Nothing. It’s just an assembly. Don’t worry.” With that, Xevik left the tent. Rylie sat there, she wanted to see what was happening, and while the soldiers were assembling in the middle of the night. But she couldn’t stand with her injured leg.

Footsteps rushed past the tent, and a few snippets of conversation reached Rylie’s ears.

“A Dulak… it’s the middle of the night… must be urgent… Killian’s orders…”

Rylie grew more and more curious, but she had no choice but to stay put. Soon enough, a shouting reached her ears again. It sounded like Killian.

“Soldiers! Listen up! I have just received news that a unit of dark magic users have been spotted near the eastern border! We have been asked to leave as reinforcements immediately! I know it’s an odd hour, but the safety of our people is paramount! Get your gear and prepare to move out before Eona and Ryn set. We have to there as soon as possible!”

There was a collective shout of agreement and the footsteps as people dispersed around the camp. Rylie frowned and then heard Killian’s voice again, close to the tent.

“Master Blamore, a word if you will.”

A pair of footsteps stopped near the tent Rylie was in, and a voice that sounded slightly husky responded.

"Yes captain?”

“I have a special job for you and your company,” Killian said. “You heard about the human that Xevik found in the forest?”

“Yes, I am aware,” the voice, presumably Blamore, replied.

“I need you and your company to take her to Vinydrixi. A message has already been sent to the council, and they will be expecting your arrival with her. I cannot risk taking her with the main group or leaving her here. Do you understand?”

Rylie’s eyes widened as she listened.

“Yes sir. My company will be ready to leave by the time the others have gone. We’ll be sure to get her to Vinydrixi safely and quickly,” Blamore said.

Killian let out a small sigh. “Thank you, Master Blamore. I know I can trust you with this task.”

“Of course, Captain.”

“Alright, let’s get moving, soldiers!”

With that, both sets of footsteps moved away from the tent. Rylie knew they were talking about her, and she had a bad feeling about being taken to this ‘Vinydrixi’ place. She had just become somewhat comfortable with Xevik and Killian, and now they were going off to the eastern border of something and she was being sent to some other place. And what were these ‘dark magic users’ that had been spotted? Rylie sighed heavily and leaned back against the makeshift cot, trying to calm her racing thoughts. This place was so bizarre and confusing, but at least she was safe for the moment.

Rylie started to drift off after laying on the cot for a while, but suddenly the tent flap opened and Killian stepped in, looking down at her with a serious expression.

“You’re awake. Good,” Killian said. Na’viir entered behind him, also looking grave.

Rylie huffed. “Well, I was about to fall asleep, but you woke me up.”

Killian didn’t react to her sarcasm. Na’viir went into one corner of the tent and began gathering a few things. Rylie eyed her warily, watching as Na’viir grabbed what looked like a set of clothes and a small bag. She came over to Rylie and held them out to her. Killian spoke up.

“You’re being taken to Vinydrixi. It’s a long trip, but you’ll be safe there.”

Rylie looked down at the clothes and bag in Na’viir’s hands, then back up at Killian, her expression wary. “Why am I being sent there?”

“Well,” Kilian started, “The council in Vinydrixi is going to want to see you when they receive our message about you. And you will be much safer there than staying here, especially with the situation we currently have. It’s best that you go there, rather than staying with us. And you’ll have to leave soon, before the others.”

Rylie hesitated, looking at the clothes and bag again. She didn’t like the sound of being sent away, especially to some place she knew nothing about. But she didn’t really have a choice in the matter it seemed. “I… Fine, I’ll go,” she conceded.

Rylie took the offered items from Na’viir, and Killian nodded. “Good. Na’viir will help you get ready. After you’re ready, she’ll take you the company that will escort you to Vinydrixi.”

“Who is going to take me?” Rylie asked.

“A company called the Macabre Assassins. Don’t worry. They are very skilled and will keep you safe,” Killian answered. With that, Killian turned and exited the tent, leaving Rylie alone with Na’viir.

Na’viir helped Rylie change into the new clothes without much conversation. Getting the pants on over the splint on Rylie’s leg was a bit awkward, but they managed. The clothes themselves looked like something out of a fantasy book — a tunic with a strap of leather across the chest, rough but durable fabric pants, and sturdy leather boots. Once Rylie was dressed, Na’viir brought her what looked like wooden crutches, but these crutches looked more like canes with handles and armrests. With the help of the crutches, Rylie was able to stand up and follow Na’viir out of the tent. Na’viir carried Rylie’s backpack for her as she led her through the camp.

Outside, Rylie saw that the camp was bustling with activity as the soldiers prepared to head out. Some were loading supplies onto wagons while others were donning their armor and weapons. A few soldiers were bringing over what looked like horses, but some of these horses had horns or wings. Unicorns and pegasi, Rylie thought to herself.

Na’viir led Rylie through the chaos and to a quieter corner of the camp, where a small group of soldiers stood waiting. There was 5 soldiers total, all wearing armor made of a dark metal. One of them, a man with black hair that was slicked back and green eyes, as well as what looked like pointed ears, stepped forward.

“You must be the human Xevik found,” the man said, his voice smooth and low. “I’m Aeron Blamore.”

Rylie nodded warily. She looked at the other 4 soldiers, all of them staring at her with different expressions, and examined all their appearances. They all looked to be male, but had vastly different appearances. One had grey hair, blue eyes, wolf-like ears, and a tail; another had long purple hair, dark blue eyes, and dark blue marking on his arms and face; and one had black hair, silver eyes, and the same wings and horns Xevik and Killian had, just their wings were black with silver swirls, and they had silver horns. The last one was wearing a mask that looked like a stitched-up face and a black cloak covering his whole body.

Aeron spoke again. “Captain Killian has informed us of your situation. We’re going to bring you to Vinydrixi. It’s a long journey, but we’ll keep you safe.”

Rylie looked at the group, uncertainty clear on her face. “And who exactly are all of you?”

Aeron smiled. “We are the Macabre Assassins. As I said, I’m Aeron Blamore. Over there is Coray Barnes…” he motioned to the one black hair and silver eyes, and the wings and horns.

“…Damien Murdock…” Aeron pointed to the one with the grey hair, blue eyes, and wolf-like ears.

“…Crypt…” He pointed to the one with the mask and cloak.

“…Milo Blackwood…” He pointed to the one with the purple hair and dark blue markings.

“…and Lugen is not here currently. He’s getting the horses ready. What’s your name, human?”

“Rylie,” Rylie replied, still feeling unsure.

The one with purple hair and dark blue markings, Milo Blackwood, stepped forward. “Do you not have a surname, Rylie?”

“No, I do,” Rylie huffed. “It’s Westland.”

Aeron nodded. “Well, Rylie Westland. It’s nice to meet you. You’re going to be in good hands with us. Especially with the leg you got there.” He motioned to her splinted leg and crutches.

Na’viir spoke up finally. “Well, I’ll leave you all to get acquainted then. I have other things to attend to.”

Na’viir handed Rylie’s backpack to Aeron, who took it and slung it over his shoulder. The group then watched as Na’viir turned and left, disappearing back into the chaos of the camp. The group then turned their attention back to Rylie.

“Well then. Let’s get going,” Aeron said, motioning for the others to follow him. The group started walking, with Rylie going with them, unsure but knowing she didn’t have much choice.

One member of the group, the one with the demon wings and horns, Coray Barnes, hung back and walked beside Rylie, a curious look on his face. “Need some help there, Westland?”

Rylie looked over at him warily. “I’ll manage, thanks.”

“Are you sure? I can carry you if you’d like,” Coray offered, a slight smirk on his face.

Before Rylie could respond, Aeron called back. “Barnes. Stop trying to flirt with the human.”

Coray rolled his eyes. “I’m just trying to be helpful.”

“Sure, that’s what they all say,” Aeron replied dryly. Rylie watched the exchange with a small frown, still not quite sure what to make of the group. She sighed and then looked up at the sky. She expected to see the black sky. Instead, she saw a bright, star-filled night sky with visible galaxies and two moons high in the sky. She was taken aback by the sight and stopped walking, staring in awe. She was so used to not being able to see the night sky because of light pollution in her hometown.

The group stopped and turned to look at her. The one with the wolf-like features, Damien Murdock, spoke up first. “What is it? You look like you’ve never seen the sky before.”

“I have,” Rylie said, looking back at the group. “Just… not the clearly like that.”

“Oh? And why not?” Damien asked, curious.

“Light pollution,” Rylie replied simply.

Aeron tilted his head, confused. “Light pollution?”

Rylie nodded. “Yeah. There’s so many city lights where I’m from you can never see the stars this clear.”

Crypt spoke up, his voice muffled behind his mask. “Interesting… but regardless, we should get moving. And try to keep up.”

Aeron nodded in agreement and the group started walking again. As they walked, Rylie couldn’t help but glance up at the night sky every few moments. It was truly breathtaking.

After a few minutes, and after the camp was almost out of sight, they arrived at a small clearing where a few horses were waiting, including a pegasus and two unicorns. Standing near the horses was another person. As Rylie looked at the person, she could see they looked awfully similar the that “Dark Spirits” Xevik and she encountered earlier. They had charcoal colored skin, short hair the same color as their skin, orange eyes, and a pair of horns that came out from their forehead. Their legs looked bird-like in the way they bent and the way their feet resembled talons. Their arms were pretty long compared to their body, and they had clawed fingers. There were also several scars of all different sizes scattered around their body. Their tail was also somewhat thin, but very long — nearly the length of the person’s body. They were also wearing what looked to be mostly leather armor and clothes that looked specially made for their unique body.

The person turned when they heard the group approaching, their eyes falling on Rylie. “Ah, Blamore, you’ve returned.”

“Yes. Lugen, this is Rylie Westland,” Aeron said, motioning to Rylie. “She is the human who caused such a big stir the camp. And Killian has tasked us with the job of taking her to Vinydrixi.”

The person, Lugen, looked at Rylie for a few moments, their eyes studying her. Rylie could tell that he didn’t seem to trust her. “I see. We should move. Long journey, who know what we can face.”

The group then began to mount the horses. Crypt got onto the only pegasus, which was pure black and had some armor on its legs and chest. Aeron and Damien each got onto a unicorn, one white with silver accents and the other brown with golden accents. The rest got onto normal horses, with Lugen helping Rylie onto one since she was still struggling with her injury. Before mounting his horse, Coray went to a cage and opened it, revealing a hawk-like bird that then flew to perch on his arm. Rylie watched all of this with fascination, having never seen creatures like this before.

Rylie felt awkward and nervous about being on a horse. She had never really ridden one before and had no clue what to do. Coray noticed her discomfort and rode his horse up next to hers, the hawk-like bird perched on his wing now.

“What’s wrong Westland? You look like you’re about to fall off,” Coray said, a playful grin on his face.

Rylie huffed, giving him a small glare, but she knew he was right. “I’ve just never really ridden a horse before, okay?”

Coray chuckled. “Well, don’t worry. I can show you how. Maybe we can ride together so I can make sure you don’t fall off.”

Again, before Rylie could respond, Aeron called out, riding his unicorn over. “Enough flirting, Barnes. The girl doesn’t need your attention.”

“I was just trying to help her Blamore,” Coray said, waving his hands in the air. “The girl said she’s never been on a horse before. Thought I’d lend her a hand.”

Aeron looked at Rylie. “Is that true?”

“Yes,” Rylie answered bluntly.

Aeron hummed in thought for a moment. “Hmm… I guess that’s a bit of a problem. But she can’t ride with you, Barnes.”

Coray groaned. “Fine, fine. But I can at least show her how to ride, right?”

“I suppose that would be helpful,” Aeron said. “Just stop flirting with her.”

Coray huffed, but didn’t argue further. After a few more minutes — and Coray eventually taking the reins to Rylie’s horse to lead it, planning to teach her to ride on the way — the group finally set off, heading to this Vinydrixi they were talking about

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Tikaya
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Tikaya wrote a review · Sat Nov 29, 2025 9:09 am

Read about your difficult IRL sit. Hopefully you can come back 😊 In the mean time, a review!

I like the beginning but I find the description of the camp dwellers a bit confusing. Especially this: “and some were going in or coming out of camps. “ because you mentioned only one camp, so where are all the others coming from?

Especially in fantasy stories it looks better if numbers are written out so “two” instead of “2”.

Oh it would be way more interesting if you describe this: “His tone was suddenly very respectful, and his attitude was suddenly humbler.” Instead of tell us. Like, what makes Rylie think he’s more humble now? How does it show?

Aww I like that she uses the time in the healer’s tent to draw!
And I like the discussion about the difference in how they measure time. I’m starting to think this might be an isekai story =D
Ah but I would advise you against delving to deep into this topic if you don’t want to start thinking real hard abt linguistics. Because they are still speaking English and English is so full of loan words etc from other languages and grew so organically from the conditions on earth that it’s difficult to replicate it fully in a fantasy setting.

I…would not trust myself to be safe among ppl called “Macabre Assassins” ah poor Rylie @.@

Hm interesting that everyone is so obsessed with her surname and yet some of the ppl she meets are not introduced with a surname.

Ah but the group seems fine. I especially like Barnes helping her with the horse ^^

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juliarosewood Comment

Hey! So I just finished Chapter 2, and wow.... your world-building is seriously impressive. Everything in Va' Leria feels alive, from the healers and the weird fruits to how the soldiers talk and move. The tension between Rylie and Xevik felt really natural too, that mix of humor, confusion, and awkward trust was fun to read. The Macabre Assassins scene was awesome, very vivid, like a movie moment.

If I had to point out a few things, I'd say some parts drag a little, like a few dialogues and descriptions that repeat or could be tighter. And sometimes, Rylie's inner thoughts get buried under what's happening around her, I wanted to feel more of what she felt, especially in the quiet or scary moments. Oh, and the "bananas” joke is funny, but maybe it breaks the mood a bit when things get intense.

But honestly, it's a really strong chapter. You've got such a clear world and tone, it already feels like something bigger is building. I'm excited to see where you take it next.

You're making me nervous. What "bananas" joke are you referring to?

That is an AI protection measure that you only encounter if you copy the text from this site somewhere else or use AI to write your review.

Oh, okay then. I was scared because I never remembered writing a "banana" joke in this chapter. Thank you!

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the atrocious S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Rylie is taken to a camp where magical beings reside and she is healed, then it is decided that she will be taken to a place called “Vinydrixi”. Is this place going to actually help her or will it cause her more trouble? I’ll have to stay tuned to find out!

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - There’s a sentence that reads as “Xevik nodded at gave Rylie one last look”. I think the “at” could be replaced with “and”, but if you disagree, then please ignore this.

Chocolate Bar - I love how even though Rylie is questioning most of what’s going on, she’s just overall chill and fascinated. Some of my favorite parts are when she’s drawing in her sketchbook (that’s so real of her), when Rylie and Xevik are talking to each other (seems like they have some form of a friendship with one another), and when she’s looking up at the sky (the sky would be so pretty if there wasn’t so much light pollution!). I also like how there’s things about this magical place that’s different from where she comes from, it makes this feel all the more real.

Closing Graham Cracker - An enchanting chapter on how Rylie has seemed to stumble upon a place that is just like a fantasy story, I enjoyed reading! I hope that wherever they are taking her won’t harm her and that she’ll eventually be able to go home. But, maybe she’ll be alright…for now.

I wish you a terrific day/night! ^v^



You can do it, serpent king!
— Rhett McLaughlin