16+ Language

Iceflame// Chapter 3: Answers

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Imagine waking up with no memories of who you are, where you come from and so on and the first thing you see when you open your eyes is some guy trying to put his hands on your naked body. Doesn’t sound very pleasant, does it?

It definitely wasn’t pleasant for Yuki Iceflame*, who still contemplated what she had experienced while trying to leave the building she was in with Hikaru Summerbolt and Seiren Blackscale – the only people that she knew and the craziest ones she had ever met.

The name Yuki Iceflame was something the two boys had thought up for her based on the way she had arrived in this city called Deckstoru.

As Hikaru did the same thing several times, which she could still not comprehend – enveloping himself, his rival and her in electric charges which led to their teleportation over a short distance – so the three could leave the building they were in, the duo described to her the circumstances of her arrival.

A ray of white energy had hit the park through which Summerbolt was passing and inside the crater left from that ray he had found the baby doll naked and unconscious, deciding to take her away from the scene to help her.

He had met Seiren on the way and the two had been working together since to do what they could for Iceflame.

She didn’t know how much they could help her because she couldn’t understand the trouble she was in, only that it was pretty serious if they were running from the police and didn’t have enough time to stop and explain the whole situation to her.

Hopefully she was going to get answers soon enough.

After another set of short-range teleportations the three had put some distance between them and the building, now out on the streets of the city filled with puddles from the rain earlier.

Hikaru leaned on the tree next to him for support, taking a few deep breaths, Iceflame being able to see the drops of sweat that had formed on his forehead and had transferred to the thin strands of his fringe.

(Yuki) ‘-You okay, Hikaru?’

(Seiren) ‘-He’s fine. His only issue is he’s a weakling.’

(Hikaru) ‘-I’d like to see how much better you’d have done if you were teleporting us, perverted bastard.’

(Seiren) ‘-I was going to but you went ahead and did it before I could even voice my opinion.’

(Hikaru) ‘-Because my teleportation is faster! And I’m faster than you as a whole!’

(Yuki) ‘-Okay. Don’t start another fight already. You just got over the last one. Are the two of you always like this?’

(Hikaru, Seiren) ‘-Pretty much.’

(Yuki) ‘-Since we’re safe now, can you explain to me why we had to run from the police?’

Just as she said that, she heard a sound and realized it was coming from her.

Her stomach was growling.

(Yuki) ‘-Um … I’m sorry.’

(Seiren) ‘-It’s quite alright, Yuki. This mad bastard is the reason you’re hungry now anyway so he should be the one apologizing.’

(Hikaru) ‘-I’m very sorry, Yuki. I just wasn’t thinking straight.’

(Seiren) ‘-You never do. And an apology for me?’

(Hikaru) ‘-My only regret related to you is that I missed when I threw the tray at you.’

(Seiren) ‘-Is that right?! My only regret is that you didn’t die from overusing your deva just now, Summerbolt!!’

(Yuki) ‘-So what Hikaru was using is what’s called a deva?’

(Hikaru) ‘-It’s an example of a deva, yes. Seeing as how you’re hungry and I’m exhausted and have to make up for letting you starve until now, I suggest we find a place to eat before we keep moving.’

Luckily there was a place nearby that was going to serve that purpose – it was a small but cozy diner with yellowish-white lights, wine-red walls and ceiling and a beige floor.

Yuki ordered a small meal that had meat in it, so she could get some sustenance even with such an amount.

She was too shy to order more, given that the boys were paying for everything and she already owed them money for the outfit.

Hikaru and Seiren ordered ample amounts of food with one significant difference – Summerbolt’s meal had zero meat in it while Blackscale’s consisted mainly of meat.

The way each one ate was also starkly different – the spiky-haired teenager ate in a very composed and refined manner opposite to his angry personality while his golden-haired counterpart viciously attacked the food and consumed it very fast.

The white-haired beauty didn’t know how to conduct herself in this situation – a part of her wanted to attack the food just like Seiren because she was very hungry while another part didn’t think it was right to do that considering the way Hikaru was eating his meal.

She settled for a medium between the two, soon enough all three of them having finished eating.

(Hikaru) ‘-Now, Yuki, about the explanation you asked for earlier. You want to tell her, Blackscale, or should I?’

(Seiren) ‘-I hate to admit it but you’re better at explaining things than me, Summerbolt. Go ahead.’

(Hikaru) ‘-Let’s start with the separation of species on our planet, Saiten.

There are the normal humans, called ordinari, and there are the people like me and Seiren, born with deva genes in their DNA, namely deviants.

Each person that possesses such genes eventually manifests certain extraordinary abilities, called devas.

To cut a long story short, deviants ruled over the whole planet for many centuries until the Great War that ended 59 years ago.

After that it was the ordinari who took control, in time passing a law that a chip should be put in each newborn baby who is a confirmed deviant, used to limit the output of their abilities.

They also have a wide arsenal of anti-deva weapons to use against the weakened deviants if they try to rise up against the ordinari.

You notice all those short poles spread across the streets on our way here?’

(Yuki) ‘-The ones that have three orange lines on them?’

(Hikaru) ‘-Yeah. There are sensors attached to them that detect the deva output levels in the surrounding area.

When they detect an output above the permitted level, alarm lights come out of the poles and alarms sound to notify the police of the irregularly high output.

They come, they investigate and use their anti-deva weapons to subdue whoever’s responsible and that someone is most often never heard from again.’

(Yuki) ‘-But don’t these chips you told me about limit a deva’s output? How can someone use their abilities enough to trigger the alarms?’

(Seiren) ‘-One option is they’ve got their hands on equipment that can lessen or nullify the effect of the chip.

People have been selling stuff like that on the black market for a while now.

The other is they’ve somehow managed to last this long without having a chip implanted in them in the first place.

Things get especially ugly for those ones when they get caught.’

(Yuki) ‘-So you’re saying that …’

(Hikaru) ‘-That’s why I took you away from that park as soon as I found you.

It may not have made an impression on you but you showed some extraordinary strength and speed in the dorm earlier.

Something a normal human wouldn’t be able to do.’

(Seiren) ‘-If the police had got their hands on you first and it turned out you’re a deviant without a chip in you who is somehow related to that white energy ray hitting the park, they would’ve probably put you in a hole and you would never see the light of day again.’

(Yuki) ‘-And those police cars that came around the dorm … you think they were looking for me?’

(Hikaru) ‘-The dorms are close to the park where I found you and they along with the rest of the school grounds are one of the safest places for a deviant in this city.

They may have figured whoever was connected with that ray had run to the dorms to seek refuge.

Finding you there would make you look all the more guilty.’

(Yuki) ‘-But all these things you’re saying … I can’t remember … but if I am indeed a deviant and have committed some crime … won’t helping me get you in trouble as well?’

Both Hikaru and Seiren smiled when they heard that, throwing a glance at the other.

(Seiren) ‘-Trust me, Yuki. This is hardly the first time we’ve put our lives in danger for a fellow deviant.’

(Hikaru) ‘-Even if you aren’t a deviant, though, you’re a girl with no memories in a place you don’t know. I’m not just about to leave someone like that.’

(Yuki) ‘-Why? Why risk so much for someone you don’t know?’

(Hikaru) ‘-The world’s a rough place.

The only way we can survive is by helping each other out. Whenever we can, however we can.

That goes for both ordinari and deviants.

Just saying these things won’t help though, so I thought it’d be better if I backed them up with some actions.

Maybe someone else will get the message as well that way.’

(Seiren) ‘-You running for mayor or somethin’ with those speeches, Summerbolt?

Cuz I’m not voting for you.’

(Hikaru) ‘-It’s a good thing I’m not running for mayor, then.

And despite all the stuff you’re saying, I know you feel the same way, Blackscale.’

(Seiren) ‘-There’s only one deviant I don’t like and that’s you.

As for the ordinari … there are many among them I don’t like but letting that stop me from helping them would make me as much a piece of shit as the bastards from the past who brought this whole situation on us.

I’d rather be better than them so there can be a hope for better times in the future.’

These two weren’t just a guy with anger issues and a pervert.

That much was clear to the baby doll now.

Maybe stumbling upon them of all people was actually lucky for her.

Things could’ve gone a whole lot different for her if someone else had found her so at the present she actually felt grateful for this turn of events.

And she was grateful to Hikaru and Seiren for doing this much for her.

How she was going to repay them for their kindness, Yuki had no idea.

The three left the restaurant after the end of their conversation, as they walked around the streets of Deckstoru, Iceflame hearing a loud sound growing progressively stronger while she moved forward.

It was music.

Her eyes were eventually able to track this music to its source – the stadium that had four huge spike-like structures coming out of it in the four cardinal directions some distance away.

(Yuki) ‘-Is there … some kind of concert there?’

(Seiren) ‘-Oh, yeah. I forgot it was today. That’s ordinari-only, though, so I’m afraid we won’t be able to go and see.’

(Hikaru) ‘-That and the fact that there will definitely be some police there for security whom we’d best avoid. Let’s keep going.’

(Yuki) ‘-So there are events where no deviants are allowed? That doesn’t sound right at all.’

(Seiren) ‘-Don’t worry. There are events where no ordinari are allowed, too.

The two species just celebrate all festivities separately.

Everything would be chaos and destruction if you were to put ordinari and deviants together for any kind of large-scale event, so this is the best approach to the situation.’

(Yuki) ‘-Hold on. Do you hear that?’

(Seiren) ‘-What? You like the song they’re playing?’

(Yuki) ‘-No, it’s not a song. It’s something else. It’s … I think it’s coming closer.’

The trio had reached a small square with a fountain in the centre by the time she had said that, looking around and listening for anything unusual now.

However their eyes noticed something unusual first.

Yuki herself was too shocked to respond but luckily Hikaru and Seiren’s reaction was fast enough as they grabbed her by the arms and pulled her back while a number of missiles hit the square, causing explosions with a specific pale green color.

Despite the fact the two had pulled her back, all three of them were still smashed in the ground by the force of the explosions, rubble in the form of pieces of concrete from the square and pieces of wood from the benches around it raining on them, the loud boom also causing a ringing in the baby doll’s ears for some time, the smoke impairing her eyesight.

Something started breaking through the smoke that had risen from the explosions, at first Iceflame not being able to see it clearly but eventually she realized it was a large craft resembling a helicopter, only a super advanced one.

It had two rotors in the front and one in the back, all pale green in color, the majority of its surface being black, doors opening to its side and a number of small pale green dots appearing amidst the darkness within.

Those dots were actually the central parts of the symbols on the high-tech helmets of each of the soldiers the hovering craft housed, the textile part of their outfits being black in color while the armor they wore – gray, having pale green dots on them here and there.

The soldiers used ropes to climb down from their transport and to the destroyed square just as all of Yuki’s senses returned to normal and she had proper coordination again, only now looking around herself.

That’s when she saw Hikaru and Seiren who were thrown some distance away from her by the explosions, currently trying to get back on their feet.

While watching them however, she hadn’t realized the soldiers had surrounded her, one of them grabbing her by the neck and starting to drag her aside.

She tried to yank herself free from his grip, relying on that superhuman strength Hikaru had mentioned earlier but now that strength failed her, so she resorted to the only thing she knew she could do – screaming for help.

Summerbolt and Blackscale responded to her call, darting towards her kidnappers who immediately opened fire, Yuki not having noticed before that they all carried the same sort of high-tech guns, pale green light coming out of their wide muzzles.

Blasts of energy with the same color came out of these weapons as the assailants fired them, Hikaru and Seiren somehow managing to evade the shots fired so far while closing the distance between them and the group of around fifty men, meanwhile the white-haired beauty’s only focus being to free herself and get out of there.

As the two teenagers came closer, the spiky-haired one sent forward a number of lightning bolts with a wave of his arm, electrocuting the nearest opponents, his golden-haired counterpart enveloping his fists in bright red masses of fireworks clustered together that were in a constant state of explosion.

Seiren sent waves of explosions like these from his hands, destroying the barrage of a number of enemies and getting close enough to hit them directly, causing a bright red firework-like explosion each time his fist came in contact with any surrounding surface, that surface mainly being different parts of the kidnappers’ bodies.

The two had almost got to her, Yuki becoming even more hopeful and persistent in her attempts to free herself when she saw that more missiles were shot at the boys by the triple-rotor helicopter along with many bullets coming from the machine guns on the sides of the craft.

The soldiers around the one holding her attached their main weapons to the armor on their back, releasing a number of elemental attacks from the small weapons attached to their vambraces – some of those attacks came in the shape of huge amounts of flames, others – gusts of wind, shots of energy, concentrated rays of light, spikes made of stone and more, the one thing all these attacks had in common being their color – pale green.

The baby doll’s screams echoed through the night as the combination of explosions released due to the enemy’s barrage enveloped Hikaru and Seiren completely, by the time the smoke from the attacks had lifted, not a trace of them being left.

She stopped struggling, her eyes fixed on the spot where she had last seen the two to whom she owed so much.

The ones who had given her hope.

Now dead.

Because they had tried to save her from people who had taken her captive without her even knowing why.

The soldiers put Iceflame aboard the helicopter and gave the signal to take off higher in the sky, while that was happening extra-thick cuffs connected with a chain being placed on her wrists and ankles, a collar just as thick being placed on her neck and its chain being connected with the one for the cuffs.

They attached the chains to the wall on the inside of the helicopter, a silhouette stepping forward then, his eyes shining in pale green while his face was still covered in shadow, eventually his whole frame being revealed.

He was just a bit taller than Yuki, so quite short for a grown man, seemed to be in his mid-30s, with silver hair, pale green irises, pale skin and a big scar going through the middle of his face vertically from above the forehead to the chin.

A face that now had a villainous and rather terrifying grin on it, in stark contrast with the other soldiers his uniform having a lot of white on it instead of black.

(Lieutenant Grak) ‘-Took us a while to find you.’

(Yuki) ‘-Who are you? And what do you want with me?!’

(Lieutenant Grak) ‘-I’ve just been sent to retrieve you.’

(Yuki) ‘-And you had to attack all those people on the square just to retrieve me?!’

(Lieutenant Grak) ‘-While people focus on helping them, we’ll be able to make our escape. The destruction was necessary to serve as a diversion for us.’

(Yuki) ‘-What’s so goddamn important about me?!’

(Lieutenant Grak) ‘-No one gave me any intel on that. Like I said, they just told me to retrieve you. The higher-ups will deal with you from there.’

He then turned his back on her and started walking towards the pilots’ cockpit, leaving her with no real answers about who she was except for one: all that had happened on that square had happened because of her. And because of her inability to protect anyone.

Yuki Iceflame* – from Jap. “yuki” – snow, this being chosen as a first name because it was snowing just before Yuki was teleported in Deckstoru; the last name was chosen based on the chilling flames that had engulfed the crater where Hikaru found her;

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
IcyFlame
Review

I'm going to keep this one short as I see you already have 3 reviews for this chapter and I don't want to just repeat what others have said as that probably won't be super helpful for you.

I love that the boys have chosen the name for Yuki. It seems believable that they would want something to refer to her by. I think it would be better to have the footnote worked into the actual chapter though rather than separated, it makes it feel less disjointed. I do find it odd that sometimes you refer to her by Yuki and sometimes Iceflame. I think unless it's a character who is specifically making a choice to use one name over the other it should be consistent as a general rule.

The worldbuilding here has clearly been well thought out, but reading it as it is - it's a little overwhelming. I would personally save some of it for a bit later. Give Yuki the information she needs to survive/understand the basics and then drip feed the rest at a slower pace. It makes it a bit easier to digest when reading.

I agree with Forever about the dialogue. The way you've done it isn't impossible to understand, but a more traditional approach makes it both easier to read and also means you can add things like dialogue tags so we gain more information about the character. e.g. X said, angrily is more informative than (x)

I'm assuming our two heroes aren't actually dead, but I'll have to read on to find out!

Hope this was helpful.

Icy

Thank you for the review!
I'm very grateful about your comments both on footnotes and refering to characters by their last name and those have already been fixed in some of the next chapters. I haven't been able to edit all of them yet, though.
I tried to keep the explanation about Saiten's history as concise as possible, but looking at the text again, maybe I shouldn't have added that much information about the anti-deviant technologies at this point.
About the writing of the dialogue, some have told me it's actually easier to understand like this and this version comes more naturally to me, so I don't plan on changing it for now. I hope that won't be an issue.

Not at all an issue on dialogue as it's your novel! I would however disagree that it's easier to understand like this but that may be my personal preference.

User avatar
luciisdead
Review

Hey hey! Alex here with another review!


Just wanna say... that I love how this stuff is written. The emotion and place put into this story is just..."chefs kiss". One thing that I truly liked about this was the plot and yet again, emotion. I wish I could write like this, but im lazy asf but I honestly adore your work! Keep up the good work, and never stop writing!

Thanks for the review!
It does take time and effort but I think if one enjoys it, it shouldn't be a problem to write stuff like this, so you can always give it a try.
And thank you very much for the support!!

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

Oh things are getting interesting here. I really like how you are writing each chapter keeping one character as the main POV and the rest as side POVs and also how you devote each chapter to a specific purpose. Let's get into the review now.

I really liked how Yuki managed to get well with these two. Honestly, I wasn't expecting her to get along so well, provided she was indeed a bit horrified at first and also didn't know anything about them. Summerbolt and Blackscale actually appear to be very good people if we take their behaviours into consideration. They behaved so well without even knowing who they were dealing with and if she was indeed a deviant or not. Oh yes, also they help Ordinaris too? That's a bit extraordinary, they even help their enemies. It's of course not a bad thing to help enemies when they are in trouble but I wonder if the ordinaris are going to misuse this power of theirs. Chances are there.

Now we come to the worldbuilding. It was probably one of the main focus of this chapter. To me, it seems like the ordinaris are actually not good people. I am not sure on how these ordinaris won the war, provided that the deviants have more powers as compared to them. I would like a bit of clarification on this war. The world doesn't seem to be good place. The ordinaris are being very rough to the deviants and I don't think they should do that. Like the deviants are not really using their powers to harm the ordinaris. So, why will they be against the deviants? To some extent, I feel like the ordinaris are kind of jealous about the deviants' powers. That doesn't seem to be a positive sign.

Now about the true identity of Yuki. Something is actually wrong, very wrong. To me, it doesn't seem like she is a deviant. Her powers seem to be a bit different from the powers of these two deviants. If she is not a deviant, what is she then? An ordinari? I ardently hope she isn't because these two already managed to let quite some deviant secrets to her. She is on their side now. But, if for some reason she turns against them, she can be a good source to know everything about the deviants. Well, the deviants are not in a very good situation. Now, is there an existence of something else other than the deviants and ordinaris? I wonder about it.

Hm... this helicopter was not at all 'ordinari'. I don't know if it indeed belonged to the ordinaris but if it indeed did, I have to say that the ordinaris are very advanced in their technologies. We actually got an idea of their advanced technology from the chip and those posts too. So, that can be a bad sign for the deviants. The kidnapping, I wonder what it actually was. From where did this girl come? What was her identity? Where did she go earlier? It raises a lot of questions. Besides raising a lot of questions, this chapter answered a lot of questions about the world building. That's a good thing.

Finally the dialogues. I am not sure if you changed the way you wrote the dialogues after I told but if you did, this was not what I meant. Hm, on one hand, it does specify who the speaker is and on the other hand, it consumes a bit of time. Well, I can't seem to reach to a definite opinion but it's not really bad. It seems to be quite good. In novels, in general, when more than two characters talk, we specify the speaker when a third person talks. Ah, I still didn't make it clear. I mean:

""A said this.
""B replied.
""(A)
""(B)
""(A)
""C said.
""A replied
""(C)
""B said.

The places in which I have put brackets, you don't need to specify the speaker(see the concept) Hope that makes some sense. I am bad at explaining.
Tag me in the next chapter.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever

Thanks very much for the review!
The next chapter will focus on the man leading the soldiers who attacked the square, Grak, so you'll get to see things from a different perspective.
Hikaru and Seiren's behavior towards ordinari will get them in a lot of trouble from now. Actually most of their decisions wil get them and those closest to them in trouble because their choices not really the smartest ones in a world like Saiten.
About the ordinari, as Hikaru said, deviants ruled the world for a long time and during teir reigh treated the ordinari just as bad and even worse as they are treating the deviants right now. People from the curent generation wouldn't focus on that, though, as they've only known ordinari oppression. The Great War is the moment the ordinari rose against the deviants and claimed Saiten for themselves. So overall both sides are to blame. And of course, there'll be more revelations about the War.
Yuki is not a normal deviant but she's not an ordinari, either. More will be revealed about her in time but her identity will remain a mystery for a while.
Ordinari do indeed have advanced technology but the ones who attacked the square belong to a separate organization and their identity and motives will also be one of the main mysteries of the story.
As for the dialogues, I understood your explanation about how it should be done but if the current verson is acceptable, I'd like to keep writing them the same way because things are clearer like that, I think. If the dialogue structure bothers you at any point, please, tell me and I'll change it.

Hey, just here to leave a quick review.

I really like this chapter because of its world-building. It's something that is so vital in a fantasy novel and doing it early on really helps readers immerse themselves into the world from the start. I get an X-men vibe from the way the world works in your story. The war between ordinari's and deviants, the deva dampeners, the segregation of the two species (I guess you could call them that?). It's a very interesting world with many possibilities for you to explore.

While there is a lot of exposition in this chapter, you handled it really well since your main character has Amnesia and can afford to ask these questions and seem in character while doing so. I also think you do a good job at striking a balance between description and dialogue which helps with the flow of the chapter.

The attack came as quite a shock and I like the consistency you kept with all the police's ammunition being the 'pale green light'. I assume deviants are vulnerable to these and are probably what helped the ordinari win the war.

Speaking of the war, I'd love to see a short POV of two characters who had survived the war on both sides. I think it would really be an interesting piece to read.

When it comes to killing off the two boys, I am conflicted about how their death was handled. On one hand, it does come as a shock and will help Yuki's character growth, on the other hand, I wish that the boys had got to say some last words to Yuki that would stay with her. It's not a huge issue, but something to think about.

Overall, a really good chapter. It's certainly a tone shift from chapters 1 and 2 especially in the last half of this chapter and I'm looking forward to meeting the 'higher ups' soon.

Thanks for the chapter and keep writing!
The Reaper sends his regards

Thanks for the review!
X-men was indeed one of the inspirations I drew upon for the relationship between ordinari and deviants in my story.
About the attack on the square, the ones responsible are actually not police. The next chapter will focus on this group's leader, Grak, and a bit more will be revealed about them. The pale green color of the ammunition of the soldiers is not related to a specific effect it has on deviants, but is connected to the mystery around the organization these men are a part of.
Characters who have been involved in the Great War will be introduced later on and I may write a story focusing on some of them later on.
What happened with the boys will definitely impact Yuki as you'll see in the next chapter. The events on the square were just the first half of this confrontation and the second half holds even more surprises.



When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
— Abraham Heschel