Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
When addition is spoke of
Drugs come to mind
But forgotten is
Using these hands
To slice up these thighs
——————————————————
I keep them covered
To hide from judgmental eyes
But deep inside
I want them to know of me
Using these hands
To slice up these thighs
————————————————————
When the scars start to fade
I should take pride
But I’ve had them forever
And if they leave me
Part of myself it feels, goes along
So when they fade
And I want them back
I go back to my habits
Using these hands
To slice up these thighs
——————————————————
I feel as if I’m seeking attention
From wanting people to know
And some people think that too
They think it’s something controlled
But it truly is an addiction
A deep deep need
And once you start it’s hard to go back from
Using these hands
To slice up these thighs
———————————————
I cry nevermore
I just sit in the bathroom
And look at my legs
I lock the door and start
Using these hands
To slice up these thighs
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138,733 Literary Works • 672,262 Reviews
Hello! Haven't chatted in a while xD
It's catsz here to leave a review! Let's dive in!
First of all, the one word title really leaves questions and hooks the reader! It's creative, but simple, and not too complicated. Love it.
Second, is repetition. "Using these hands to slice up these thighs" creates graphic imagery in the reader's mind, and it triggers strong emotions, especially if they are going through the same thing, and they know they are not alone.
It takes a lot to express emotions and form it into words!
I love the rhymes! the poem overall flows really smoothly, and even if some lines don't rhyme, it balances out the poem.
It gives off a eerie, tragic, and hauntingly beautiful vibe.
If this is based off of your experience, I really hope you will do better, and I hope you're doing well <3
The feeling of "seeking attention" is so common. Many will relate, when all they want is for someone to listen and comfort, but recieve judgement instead, and blame, being misunderstood for "attention-seeking."
One thing I would say (but this is all my opinion and it wouldnt' be the same for everyone)
is that when you start a new line, like
the pause between start and using these hands kind of breaks off the rhythem, but maybe its just me, and do what feels right to you!!
Happy Reviewing, and Happy Writing!
from the cat domination,
~catsz (and her ragdoll) :3
Hello Hope here, happy review day!
Firstly, a little typo!
<<When addition is spoke of>> addiction
Nextly, I want to mention the use of ----- to separate the stanzas. Now I'm going to assume this is because when you tried to post it YWS deleted the space between the lines, which is a common problem, just press space in the blank line and YWS doesn't count it as blank anymore and it won't get deleted, (or you can do my personal favorite and use a : or another small punctuation mark between the lines)
the story of the poem, that self-harm is addicting and asking for help feels like just looking for attention comes through quite clearly, but the repeated phrase
<<Using these hands
To slice up these thighs>>
is incorporated slightly clunkily in certain places, which is understandable! repetition is fun but hard u_u
i think the main difficulty comes from it not being a complete sentence, so in order to have the poem make sense, you need to have the first part of the sentence in the line prior, which can be hard to do.
hmm i think thats about it
-hope
Well this was an heartfelt read.
I don't have much to say, but I felt this in my heart. At first, I didn't know what this was about, but reading it further provided some answers. I love the way you repeated "Using these hands/To slice up these thighs" in every stanza. I love when poems have repeating line because it almost affirms what the poem is trying to say. That's the case with this one, too.
Overall, I like this poem. It was a little hard to follow along, but with how deep this poem is, I'm gonna let that slide as a style choice.
Keep writing, my friend. You're doing great! <3
My darling, this is a beautiful work of art. Although I could never vouch for truly knowing what the experience you describe is like, your words truly make me feel deeply. Writing your feelings is an excellent way of expressing yourself compared to such extremities, and I implore you to keep going. I wish you the best, and I wish you well!
- Lizzy