My mind in is a prison
stuck with within these walls of unmade decisions
I wish I could speak the words I think
but alas
I'm chained down by these cuff links
When I'm being lied to, I want to snap back
I never seem to find myself on the attack
they say they don't belong here
but on stolen land, It's quite clear;
We are the villains
We ignore suffering, all for dollars in billions
They say the queers are bad
but you've hurt more people than they ever have
The world is hard to watch
But in your mind sitting to rot
is the last bit of your humanity
Can you save it?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,040 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
Hello! Milesperhour here, to review your very nice poem!!
First of all, what stood out to me about this poem that it manages to balance a whole bunch of themes in a short amount of space. The speaker mentions multiple facets of their inner turmoil, as well as bringing up issues that exist in society, and yet the work doesn't end up feeling cluttered or aimless.
My favorite lines are probably "I wish I could speak the words I think" and "I never seem to find myself on the attack" just because both manage to encapsulate a very relatable emotion- the feeling that you're subconsciously holding yourself back from saying what you really think and expressing discomfort, while others seem to do it with ease. Idk if that makes any sense, but that's how i interpret it lol.
My one criticism is basically just a nitpick- in the line: "They the queers are bad, but you've hurt more people than they ever had," while I agree with the sentiment, the wording is a bit awkward and could be improved to make it more impactful.
Overall, great work, honestly can't believe this is your first poem. Keep writing them, you've definitely got a talent for it!
-Milesperhour133
Hello, hello, my friend. Guess who I am-it’s CATS here of course!!! This looked so interesting, I had to review it. This might be a bit short because I’m on phone so apologies for that. Let’s DIVE IN!!!
Wow. The rhyming is extraordinary, it sounds so much like a rap. I love how you expressed your thoughts in this! Sometimes people can feel like their mind is too full. As an over thinker, I really loved how you put this.
Sometimes your thoughts spiral into one big cloud and you can’t getnirbput! Totally understand that and I love it so much!
It sounds like one of those poetry rappers lol. I love how you ended with a question; that leaves the reader to think about the poem.
Overall I really liked it STARRYY and I hope you can keep writing poems because you are SO TALENTED LIKENEHEJEHEBEJJE
HAPPY READING HAPPY WRITING HAPPY REVMO AND HAPPY POETRY!!
Love,
CATS