Oh, silly you. You probably thought this would be such an easy read. Science fiction, you said to yourself. How hard can it be?
Oh, silly you.
Do you lie to yourself in this way all the time, or is it just this one time?
Well, since you’ve arrived to these hallowed pages (probably against your own design, but who am I to judge?) I shall tell you the story.
Not a story. The story.
If we are going to continue along this path of destiny, I advise you to pay careful attention to the words I use– and, especially, the words I do not.
You may have noticed I just used parentheses earlier to convey a warmly scented thought: that I lack the power to judge you.
This is not the case.
I am the only one who has the power to judge you.
Oh, but I won’t tell you just yet exactly who I am. I’m a fan of mystery novels, you see. In my passion for the mystery, I myself have become one. I am an enigma deeper and more complex than a human brain, still pulsing blithely, even after being beaten into submission.
But, I am not without mercy! I'll give you a few irritatingly vague hints.
I am everything you desire to please. I am everything you strive to become, or maybe, for the rare few, everything you strive to stay away from.
I am a hipster’s arch nemesis, I am a slut’s shame, I am a Catholic’s atheist.
Still at a loss?
Good.
Here, I shall begin.
In my various excursions throughout this slovenly excuse that has become the decidedly post-apocalyptic earth, I have come across many a dubiously interesting person. Drug addicts, desperate to keep up with my demands, or perhaps a vicious few desperate to escape from my clutches. Teenage girls, crying in the night over the figures I’ve told them time and time again are no good at all. Closeted homosexuals, afraid to meet me face to face. Religious people, too defiant for me to break completely, yet somehow still obedient to at least some of my commands.
They all fail, in the end. Death, a friend of mine, comes for them all.
Of course, there is always one that somehow manages to elude me.
This particular human started out as a nuisance. Over time and many lost battles on both sides, she has become a trusted ally. Probably my only real friend.
Death is my friend, you point out. Oh, silly you, once again wrong. Death’s no friend of mine. Not really. I just say that so he’ll shut up and take up the broken spirits I’ve collected for him.
If anything, he’s more my boss than my friend.
Anyway.
This particular human had a name that truly disgusts me to the core.
Verita Fetcher.
This sickening, revolting, downright demonic excuse for a name literally means, “bearer of truth.”
As if that’s a name the boys really want to hear, am I right?
So I nicknamed her Vera. And Vera she stayed for the rest of her life.
But her name was only the beginning.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hi there!
Yay! Another novel for me to read ^_^
Hm...I think the second 'Oh, silly you' is a bit overkill. It's already been mentioned in the first line. If you want it to be a sort of repetitive thing though, you can always link it to that first paragraph. Once you separate it, it becomes a bit of it's own thing.
I find this a bit cheesy. Sorry, but that's my opinion of it. Maybe there's a different way for you to portray this? Like, maybe take out the part of the parentheses? I think that's the cheesy part for me. If your character was actually sitting down and writing this, he/she wouldn't say something like this. They'd be looking forward in the story rather than look back. That's the way I see it.
Oh, I absolutely love this prologue! It's got everything that I look for in a prologue: characters, problems, introduction; all of it. I truly enjoyed reading it. Of course, you've grabbed my interest. With a narrator like that, who wouldn't be interested? They're a very complex character, yet there isn't much to them. They go about their job as they should, but complicate the story when they tell us about it. I like that. And obviously you've got me wondering. I want to know who this narrator is and what they do. I want to know what they have to do with Vera and, just alike, what Vera has to do with them. They aren't death, but they're the next best thing to death. I'm interested to see who this narrator is. Knowing you though, you'll make me wait until the very end to find out
There really isn't anything I have to say about this prologue. You don't have any grammar or spelling errors, as usual, and everything flows well. I also like the subtle hint here of the setting. The narrator mentions a post apocalyptic world. This is where the story is going to take place.
As always, let me know when the next chapter is out. I'm hooked!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hello, Royal, Wolf here for a review.
I haven't read your other works myself, but I've heard from others that they're really good and I see that reflecting here. This is written in a really unique fashion, and I quite like it. From the very first sentence, I was hooked. One problem that usually occurs with prologues is that they are unnecessary or kind of dump information on a reader (but usually readers skip prologues so that's not a good idea, as you may know), but I don't see that here, and I find this quite effective.
One part that kind of confuses me was when the narrator said,
It might just be me, but I don't quite understand what is meant here. Is he supposed to say that's his only power, or rather is it only he that can judge us...? Maybe make this slightly more clear.
The myserty behind the narrator, and even the narration, is really well done, and it serves a really interesting purpose. I am assuming that the narrator is some kind of omniscient deity (or maybe even some kind of humanoid emotion...?) that goes 'hand in hand' with death. I love the show not tell that you use here, since we can get a sense of what the setting will be, maybe what people will be like, without straight out telling us, "Hey, this is the time of an apocalypse."
Great job, and you have really caught my interest! Please let me know when you post the next part, since I am very curious as to what this girl has anything to do with, well, anything at this point. You leave is basically in the dark about what's to come and who this girl even is. Great tactic. Anyways, Keep up the good work,
~Wolfare~
Thank you so much Wolfare!
You're right, I didn't see the ambiguity in that sentence. I'll fix that straight away!
And yes, you're right, the narrator is an omniscient something but he/she is not a deity
Thanks for the lovely review! I'll keep you posted on the next chapter.