If you would like to read chapter 1, 2, and 3 first, here are the links:
Chapter 1:
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/CherryScr...
Chapter 2:
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/eszterv/S...
Chapter 3:
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/CherryScr...
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The next morning, everyone was rested, except Abigail. She had stayed up almost half the night thinking about the werewolf. She decided to tell Hannah and Eszter about it, but not the others.
“Hannah, Eszter come over here. We need to talk,” she whispered.
They followed her into a corner of the emergency shelter. “Last night I saw the werewolf outside the window. And a person walked up to him and they shook hands!”
“What? No way!” exclaimed Hannah, her eyes widening with fear.
Unfortunately, Aron had heard as well. He shrieked as loud as possible.
“Why are you screaming?!” the man asked, annoyed.
“Oh, good morning, Mr..., um, what was your name again?” asked Abigail, trying to change the subject.
“I’m Steve,” he said. He turned to Aron. “You haven’t answered my question! No yelling in this tiny room!”
“ABIGAIL SAW THE WEREWOLF AND HE WAS FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE!!!” Aron hollered.
“What? Are you making this up?” asked the man skeptically.
“No! I heard her say it, I promise!” he cried. Josiah, Lidia, Anna, and Aron were terrified. Alec looked pretty scared himself, too.
“I assure you, if any strange figure had walked up to a werewolf, he would have been shredded to bits. I happen to know that werewolves love to gobble up humans.” he said.
Steve nodded.
Abigail wasn’t so sure. The werewolf and the man had looked pretty real.
“Anyway, let's get some breakfast.” Steve climbed up the ladder of the shelter, and the children and Alec followed him.
They climbed out of the shelter and into a small, cozy kitchen. A stout woman with rosy cheeks stood by the stove. She was small like Steve, but with a much rounder, more cheerful face. “Oh, hello! I hear we have surprise visitors,” she chirped happily.
“Who are you?” asked Anna.
“I’m Carol, Steve’s wife,” she told them. “I’m a dwarf, just like my husband.” The others introduced themselves.
Alec and Steve started talking to her.
As the children introduced themselves and the smell of breakfast filled the air, a sudden whoosh of wind echoed through the room. A giant owl burst through the open window, its brown feathers ruffling as it landed heavily on the kitchen table. Its amber eyes seemed to glow with an ancient wisdom.
“My name is Bubo,” the bird announced in a deep voice. “I have been sent by the wizard Bobo. He has a very urgent message for you.”
Bubo hopped toward Eszter and extended a leg. Tied to it was a thick scroll sealed with purple wax. Eszter carefully unfurled the parchment. It read:
I have heard news that will impact your journey. It’s easier to just tell you in person. Meet me at the Great Oak Tree.
Sincerely,
Bobo the Wizard
“Hey Alec, do you know where the Great Oak Tree is?” asked Josiah.
Alec, who had been chatting with Carol, said, “Huh? What were you saying?”
“I asked you if you knew where the Great Oak Tree was. We’re going to meet Bobo there.”
“Oh!” Alec thought for a second. “Hmm, I've never heard of any big trees around here. Plenty of oak trees, but I wouldn’t know which one to lead you to.”
“I know what the Big Oak Tree is,” Steve said. “If you want, I can tell you the way,”
“Thanks!” Lidia grinned.
“Before you leave, you should eat some breakfast,” Carol informed them. “And here is a little something for the road.” She handed Abigail a large, woven basket.
Eszter peeked inside. It was packed to the brim with fresh biscuits, thick wedges of cheese, and dried fruit. “Wow. Thanks so much!” she said.
“Oh, I almost forgot!” Steve exclaimed. “We always give these to visitors. He handed them each a small, yellow whistle.
“These are Werewolf Whistles. If you find anything that will help us catch this rogue werewolf, blow the whistle. We will send help to your location shortly. But be careful, these whistles have a one-time only use.”
Okay,” Eszter said.
Steve sketched a map to the Great Oak Tree on a piece of paper so the group would not get lost.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done for us,” Anna said.
“No problem,” Carol told her. Then, the group walked out the front door.
“That werewolf thing was scary,” whimpered Lidia.
“Well, it's over now. This is the last we’ll ever hear of this werewolf,” Abigail declared confidently.
But she was wrong.
Very wrong.
If you would like to read the next chapter, here it is:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Good morning!
Came to read the next chapter too, so let’s go ^^
I do like how we are immediately following up on what happened last chapter and I do remember Abigail seeing the werewolf out there and shaking the hand of a strange person!
Tho I still feel as if I don’t understand your characters that well. Why would they be surprised that a werewolf they don’t know does have people he interacts with?
But that the kids immediately jump on what one of their friends said and spread the message around with no regard is very in-character lol
Interesting that this time the wizard needs to send an owl and cant come by in person…
…never mind it’s just a message to end up meeting him in person. I still don’t know why he needs the kids unless… he is Shadow? =D
Hmmm I feel like your writing style is still… a bit bare-bones. I can only reiterate that you can always punch up your dialogue scenes if you place a few more character descriptions and descriptions of what your characters do, in between 😊
Overall a rather short chapter. And I’m way more curious about the werewolf than another meeting with the wizard =D
(Even if these last two lines promise something rather sinister happening with or around the werewolf….)
Join the fight! Write more reviews!
hiya, i'm trying a review template !
since you mentioned this is a middle chapter with no context, i tried to read it with that in mind and not get too hung up on things that were probably explained earlier. i love a fantasy adventure group, especially when there are mysterious creatures, wizards, emergency shelters, talking owls, and suspicious adults all showing up at once...there’s a lot of fun stuff happening here!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
my understanding is that Abigail saw something very suspicious the night before, a werewolf interacting peacefully with a person instead of attacking them. she tells Hannah and Eszter privately, but Aron overhears and immediately panics, which lets everyone know. Steve doesn’t believe Abigail’s version because, according to him, werewolves eat humans, so the idea of one shaking hands with someone seems impossible.
then the chapter shifts into the next step of the journey. the group meets Carol, gets breakfast, receives a message from Bubo the owl on behalf of Bobo the wizard, and learns they need to go to the tree. the ending makes it clear that Abigail is very wrong to think the werewolf problem is over, so i’m guessing this mystery is going to come back in a bigger way soon.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
my biggest problem is that some things happen very quickly, so i wanted a little more time with important moments. Abigail saw a werewolf shaking hands with a person, which seems like a HUGE clue, but the scene moves on from it pretty fast. i think you could slow that part down a little.
i also think Steve’s reaction could maybe use a little more depth. he mostly seems skeptical, but if he knows a lot about werewolves, i wondered if he would be more alarmed by what Abigail says. even if he doesn’t believe her, maybe he could ask more questions to be more involved in the mystery. since there are a lot of kids in the group, it could help if each one has a different way of reacting.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
i really liked the image of the werewolf shaking hands with a mysterious person. that is a great hook because it immediately makes me wonder what’s actually going on. i also thought the Werewolf whistles were a fun fantasy object. i like that they have a one-time use because that creates a cool tension. if the characters can only use them once, they have to be careful about when they blow them.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
i think this is a fun chapter with a lot of good mystery, magical creatures, and a warning that danger is coming back. i feel confused about Bubo’s entrance and the werewolf lore since those seem like the two biggest moments in the chapter. thanks for sharing this xD !
--tessa