E - Everyone

Untitled (Chapters 1-4)

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Chapter 1

In the crowded hallways of Verona Middle School, trouble was brewing. A boy named Conner began to glare at the other side of the hall, where his classmate,Ty, was grabbing lunch out of his locker.

“What do you want, Conner?”

As Ty closed his locker, he marched past Conner and glowered back. This scowl was even more menacing than Conner’s previous one. Now, Conner did not take nicely to being glowered at. That was the last straw for him. He lunged at Ty, making an attempt to snatch his lunchbox.Ty swung it away, but he was too late. Conner was now the current holder of the box.

”Give it back," Ty grumbled, trying to reclaim his lunch.

”Hah! Not a chance.” Conner unzipped it and emptied out the contents on the floor. Grapes, a sandwich, and a granola bar tumbled out.

“Conner! You gremlin!” Ty roared. He reached out his hand and returned the favor by yanking his classmate’s wavy auburn hair.

“Oww!” Conner cried.Ty ignored him and continued to tug and jerk. “Cut it out!” Conner swung his arms around in a desperate attempt to slap Ty’s hands from his hair, but by then, he was in a full headlock.

”Bet that’ll teach you not to mess with my lunch again!” Ty exclaimed with a triumphant grin.

But the celebration was short-lived. Just a few seconds later, Ty found himself being choked from behind. In shock, he released his grip on Conner. Ty managed to break free and then whirled around to see who the mysterious attacker was. Ty recognized his assaulter as a younger sixth grader. It took a moment for Ty to remember what the boy’s name was, but once he did, he wasted no time in yelling at him. “Brian! Get out of here you little pest before I put you into the same situation as Conner!”

Actually,” a voice interrupted, “Conner was the one who—“

“Shut up, Simon!” By then Ty was furious. A sixth grader had just managed to ruin his victory of the day, Simon the stupid know-it-all had jumped in, and Conner—. Oh, no. Ty thought. Conner’s still here. Just then, Conner, who had been regaining his strength, stood up and threw himself upon Ty. Simon yelled and jumped out of the way as the two boys crashed to the ground. Brian quickly joined the fight, and within seconds, the three were in a wrestling heap on the floor.

Meanwhile, back in the classroom, there were two girls named Roma and Juliet who were still stuffing their binders into their backpacks. As they headed out, Roma slammed the door on Juliet, but she didn’t think to lock it because there were shouts echoing down the hall that caught her attention. Roma peered around the corner to inspect, and an unpleasant sight awaited her.

Juliet appeared beside her, also shocked by what she saw. Her cousin, Ty, was attacking all of Roma’s relatives in the area: Her twin brother, Conner, and their little brother, Brian. Not to mention Conner’s best friend, Simon, who was then joining the fight. He was not very good at that sort of thing; everyone was aware of this because there had been many fights between the Smiths and the Robertsones in the past. Roma, Conner, and Brian were the Smith’s children, while Ty and Juliet were cousins.

The two girls wasted no time in rushing in to try and separate the boys. “Let me go!” Brian tried to squirm out of his sister’s grip. Roma ignored him and stuck her tongue out at Juliet, who spun around and dragged her cousin off with her head held high. The sad truth was that both Roma and Juliet would probably have joined the fight if they hadn’t noticed their angry principal watching the entire thing.

Chapter 2

“You do realize that what you have done is very inappropriate for the school’s setting.” Principal Gordon stared sternly at the children, who were seated in front of his desk. Brian was looking at his feet, while Conner seemed agitated and fidgety. None of them seemed to be listening. Roma yawned.

“What did I just say? Who was listening?” Principal Gordon was hoping that maybe Conner or Brian would answer. He wasn’t fond of those two, but he still hated to see them get into trouble. He was disappointed when Simon raised his hand. Simon would of course know the answer. He knew all the answers. Principal Gordon had wanted someone else, anyone else to answer, because maybe then it would have an impact on the others’ thoughts, and they would finally realize that all this fighting was just plain stupid. Even Principal Gordon knew that nobody listened to Simon.

”Sir, if I’m correct, what you you said was—“

”Not now, Simon,” Principal Gordon was not in the mood. “Here is what we’re going to do: boys, you are in detention, girls, you two are free to leave. Now, if I see or hear of any more fighting between you guys, I will undoubtedly suspect all those who were involved.”

”Yes, sir,” the children echoed.

As they all left, Principal Gordon let out a sigh. The children wouldn’t tell him the reason for their rivalry, and though he’d contacted their parents, they too would start arguing about who’s kid’s fault it was. It suddenly occurred to Principal Gordon that the children themselves may not know the reason for the rivalry, but as quickly as the thought came, it was brushed away, as he concluded it was a rather preposterous idea. After all, their fights were far too frequent for the children not to have a good reason.

Chapter 3

Juliet was combing her strawberry-blonde hair when her older sister Angelina called her downstairs.

“Here are the party invitations, Juliet.” Angelina handed her sister exactly twenty nicely decorated cards. Juliet thanked her and bounded upstairs to show Ty.

“They’re alright, I guess,” Ty shrugged. Being a boy, he didn’t care for such things as party invitations. “What are they for, again?” he asked. Juliet sighed, although she told him anyway. “It’s for the Fall Festival, silly. We host one every year.” Ty shrugged again, still not caring. Even so, Juliet’s parents were letting him stay for a few nights while his mom and dad were off on a work trip, so maybe he should at least conjure up some fake interest.

“Here, I’ll take a look at them.” Ty rapidly flipped through the stack of invitations. Suddenly, he stopped at one, and an enraged look came across his face. He shoved it into Juliet’s face and asked angrily, “How did this get in here?!” Juliet looked shocked. Ty was holding an invitation that read: Conner Smith. “Why are you inviting the person who beat me up yesterday?”

The cousins checked the rest of the cards, and sure enough, there were invitations for Roma, Brian, and Simon too. The two raced downstairs with the four invitations.

“Angelina!” Juliet called to her sister. “We found Roma, Brian, Conner, and Simon’s invitations in the stack for the Fall Festival!”

Angelina slapped her forehead. “Sorry, when I was formatting them, I just wrote down the entire class. I didn’t think to exclude those four. Wait, is Simon a Smith?”

“No, but Simon is too close to Conner. If he was invited, Conner might tell him to do something crazy,” Ty informed her.

Angelina agreed, and threw the four faulty invitations into the garbage.

“I’ve already called Peter and asked him to come over and pass the rest of the invitations out,” Angelina said.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Juliet and Ty raced each other to the door, and after peering through the peeking hole, opened it to let Peter in.

”How’s my little Angel?” Peter asked his girlfriend. Angelina blushed and they hugged. She handed him the invitations and told him what to do.

Peter then drove off to deliver them to Juliet’s classmates.

”Oh, I hope he doesn’t mess it up somehow,” Angelina looked nervous. Ty and Juliet assured her that everything would be fine, and then they headed upstairs to do their homework. The Fall Festival was sure to be a blast.

Chapter 4

Roma kicked at the rocky sidewalk miserably as she walked alongside Conner. It was a beautiful day outside, but at the moment, nothing could cheer her up. “Come on, sis. You’ve been sad about this stupid dance rehearsal for almost a day now.” Conner was trying to cheer his sister up. She was disappointed because she had tried out for the Verona School Ballet Class that she desperately wanted to make. However, the judge was a girl named Colette Robertson, someone who Roma feared would be biased against the Smith’s because of the rivalry. Roma was a very good dancer, too, and all she wanted was to be able to participate in the class’s annual ballet: The Nutcracker.

Unfortunately, Roma had been correct. Colette hadn’t picked any of the Smiths to have a part in the ballet; not because of a lack of talent, but because of the family feud.

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Hi! this is still barely the start of something we've been working on, so as much critique as possible would be nice. I realize that the pacing at the beginning is especially fast, any ideas on how to fix that would be so, so helpful. Also, this has nothing to do with previous works, it's a whole new thing. Thanks for reading!

Comments & reviews · 2
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Stickied · creeperfeverdreams wrote a review · Tue Jun 23, 2026 5:48 pm

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the creepy S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Connor and Ty get into a fight, then the Principal breaks them up and sends the boys to detention. Later, Angelina is sending out invitations for the Fall Festival and decides to not invite Roma, Brian, Connor, and Simon because of an unexplained family feud. How odd indeed.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that the pacing in the beginning is a bit fast, but that’s just one little thing.

Chocolate Bar - I like the whole idea of a family feud, it sounds like an interesting and fun way for the story to go. This kind of reminds me of Romeo and Juliet…is this a version of that story? I also like how close they seem with their own groups but how there’s still trouble in the air.

Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, an exciting set of first four chapters. I’ll be sure to read the other chapters when they’re posted and I hope that this Fall festival will go well…but I’m not quite sure…

I wish you an amazing day/night! ^v^

Do you have any ideas on how to slow the pacing down at the beginning?

hmm%u2026maybe you could describe where they are or have the detention scenes happen later. Or talk a little about the characters before building it up.

But I%u2019m not a professional, I%u2019m just someone on the internet with opinions. You can do whatever you think is right for your story. :>

Thanks! I do like your opinions!

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StarGazer7 Review

Wow! This is pretty cool!
So, like creeperfeverdreams said, this definitely seems a lot like Romeo and Juliet. Well, especially because two of the characters are Roma and Juliet. I love that, though, a modern take on a very confusing, but very good, play.
I love the fight scene, especially the addition of Simon. Having a massive nerd give fact input at random times can be quite funny.
Angelina is also a great character, I can tell, the way she just bossed Peter around. Poor Peter. Will he mess up? I guess I'll have to find out.
I'm confused about a few things, though.
Did you forget to fill in the name slot, so it says 'untitled,' or was that deliberate because you don't know the title yet? If it is the first one, just be aware of that so you can fix it, and if it is the second one, you might want to change the name to 'Title TBD' or something similar, in order to let readers know.
Is Roma trying to get into the school itself, or just the Nutcracker dance? I'm kind of confused about that whole thing, so it would be great if you could clarify.
Overall, this is a great story, and I'm very excited to read more!

-StarGazer7
<<<3

Hi! First of all, yes, this is a Romeo and Juliet spinoff. Secondly, I put the title as "Untitled" because I have no clue on what to name it. Any name suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks for your review! :)



Sometimes you don’t need metaphors to feel something breaking
— candyhearts