The massive brick structure was nearly choked by thick ivy and strangling vines. Every window was a jagged mouth of cracked and broken glass. It certainly didn't look like a stable place to spend the night.

“My feet hurt. This seems like a good place to rest!” Alec declared with a grin.

“Here?” Aron questioned.

Before Alec could say anything, Anna came to his rescue. “Remember when Alec took us to the werewolf town?”

“Of course, that was last night!” Aron replied.

“We were all reluctant to go inside, but Steve and Carol were so nice.” Anna barely stopped herself from saying, “but not as nice as Alec.”

“They had werewolf problems,” Aron muttered, but quietly enough so that Anna couldn’t hear him.

They walked into the building. The inside was falling apart.

The walls were crumbling to pieces, and the roof looked like it was about to collapse. The ground was littered with broken glass.

“Wow, this place is so old that I can’t even tell what it was anymore,” Hannah remarked.

Then, Lidia noticed something. There was fur on the ground! “Hey guys, where’s the cat?” she said, pointing at the fur.

“A cat!?!” exclaimed Hannah, who loved all things to do with animals.

Alec said, “Oh, before this building was abandoned, there might have been a stray cat living here?” He couldn’t hide the doubt in his voice.

Aron scoffed, but said nothing.

“Or maybe it’s not a cat,” Eszter said.

“W-what?” asked Anna nervously, as if she didn’t really want to know the answer.

“Let’s just find somewhere to sleep, and get this night over with,” Abigail grumbled.

As the group scouted for a clear patch of floor, a low, guttural growl rumbled through the hollow walls.

“What was that?” asked Lidia, who looked as if she was about to faint with fright.

“I think we all know,” Anna pointed out.

The children nodded, shakily. They were all thinking the same thing: Werewolf.

“Right, Alec?” Anna asked.

There was no response.

“Alec?” she asked again, and still there was no answer.

“Seriously, Alec,” Abigail said. “This is no time for stupid pranks.”

But it seemed that Alec had truly disappeared.

Another howl rang through the abandoned area, much closer this time.

“Maybe the werewolf ate Alec?” Aron mused, his voice trembling slightly.

Anna whimpered at the thought of it.

The kids had no choice but to track down Alec. After all, he had the map, and they were lost without it.

The noises got louder and louder.

Lidia was petrified.

She just had to do it.

She screamed.

The scream pierced the silence and paused the growls and grunts.

“Oh, no,” Aron hissed, his eyes darting toward the shadows. “Great job, Lidia,” he whispered sarcastically.

“Sorry,” she squeaked.

Heavy footsteps thudded towards them, threatening to enter the corridor the children were cowering in.

Alec burst into the room, panting. He tried to say something while nervously glancing at the door he had just run out of.

The children let out a collective breath they didn't know they were holding.

“There’s…” he gasped.

Anna sped to Alec and gave him a bear hug.

“I thought you got eaten!” she exclaimed.

Exactly three seconds later, the werewolf appeared in the doorway. He was twice as tall as a full grown man, and his gray fur stuck out like needles. His sharp teeth looked perfect for feasting on civilians.

The children screamed and scrambled back, their sneakers skidding on broken glass.

But the werewolf quickly sped up to them. He blocked them in a corner.

Aron gulped and tried to convince the werewolf that he tasted rotten.

“Umm, Mr. Werewolf, don’t eat me because… Uh, I never take showers!”

“But you took one yesterday,” Lidia pointed out, puzzled.

Aron elbowed her.

“Nice try,” the werewolf snarled. He was about to take a bite out of Aron, when Hannah’s quick thinking saved the day.

She had noticed a closet behind the werewolf. Hannah barreled into the beast with all her might, catching it completely off balance. The massive creature stumbled backward into the dark closet.

In the blink of an eye, Abigail and Eszter slammed the door and locked it.

All the children piled up against it just in case. Thankfully the werewolf had been preoccupied with Aron, or he would have withstood Hannah’s attack.

“Hey guys, did you perhaps forget that we still have these?” Josiah held up the werewolf whistle that Steve had given him.

The others took theirs out of their pockets, and blew. They held the door, and within about fifteen minutes, a group of men arrived.

“We’re the Brightwood Village werewolf team. Good thing we were in this area, or you folks would have a long wait,” said one of the men.

The kids were hardly listening because they were straining to keep the door shut.

“Oh, you can let him out. We’ll trap him. And here’s your ten cents.” The man handed Hannah a single, shiny dime.

“This sure was worth a life or death incident," she said sarcastically.

The other men had already thrown a net over the struggling beast, and dragged him towards the door. They had a wagon parked outside with a built-in jail cell.

After the werewolf was locked up, the crew decided to spend the night at the building as well.

When morning came, the complaints started almost immediately.

“I’m hungry,” Lidia whined.

“No worries,” Abigail said. She had been carrying the basket of food Carol gave them.

One of the Brightwood Village werewolf team members, a man named William, had also brought bread, cheese, and milk, all tucked away in his bag.

“Here,” he said. “I’ll share these, if you want.”

The group feasted. It was a delicious breakfast.

Alec merely picked at his food, and once he finished, he told them that he needed to take care of something.

“Aww, okay,” said Anna, a little disappointed. Alec jumped up and ran out the door.

After a while, everyone had finished their many helpings of breakfast. The basket still had lots of delicious things inside.

“This should still be enough for a while,” Eszter said happily.

“Now where did Alec run off to?” Anna complained. Just then, he came back into the room.

“Sorry I’m late, guys,” he said.

“Where have you been?” Anna asked.

“Just the bathroom,” Alec answered.

“Knew it!” Josiah shouted, way too loud. He pumped his fist in the air and did a happy dance.

Abigail rolled her eyes.

Alec looked annoyed as he grabbed a sandwich out of the picnic basket.

“Well… we should really get going,” he said to the Brightwood Village werewolf team. “Goodbye!” And with that, he pushed the children through the door.

“Bye!” Abigail called over her shoulder.

Alec shut the front door, and showed the group the map. “See? We’re going into the Forest of Many Trees.”

“Really?” Aron asked. “Whoever named this forest should go live under a rock. I know I would if I were him.”

“I named the forest,” Alec said flatly.

“Oh, well, what I meant to say was….um……”

“Just kidding!” Alec and the children had a good laugh at that. All except Aron, of course, who did not like being tricked.

Then the group walked off into the Forest of Many Trees.

Comments & reviews · 2

4revgreen

Review

4revgreen wrote a review Review · Aug 1

Hi! So I apologise that I haven't read the previous chapters; I hope that one day I can get round to doing that!

From what I can tell, this is an adventure story with some elements of comedy and a little bit of horror. I love the friendly banter between the ensemble of characters, especially Aron's deadpan skepticism, like in this part:

“Really?” Aron asked. “Whoever named this forest should go live under a rock. I know I would if I were him.”

as well as Lidia's blunt literalism, shown here:

“Umm, Mr. Werewolf, don’t eat me because… Uh, I never take showers!”

“But you took one yesterday,” Lidia pointed out, puzzled.

and especially Hannah tackling the werewolf into a closet, shown here:

Hannah barreled into the beast with all her might, catching it completely off balance. The massive creature stumbled backward into the dark closet.

These were by far my favourite moments and the best part of the story!

A few things to improve on: The tension is undercut by the fact that Alec's disappearance and the werewolf's approach are set up as scary moments, but are resolved almost immediately without much of a pay off! Some of the dialogue tags are doing the heavy work instead of making the speech and action show the reader how it is being said, and I think it is a little quick-paced, but other than that, it was a really enjoyable ad funny piece!

Tikaya

Review

Tikaya wrote a review Review · Jun 25

Werewolf time! Let’s goooo!

Now you just have to spend the effort to prettify the links and you’d ascend!

I like the description of the abandoned building!

I don’t understand why he mutters that so that no one can hear:

“They had werewolf problems,” Aron muttered, but quietly enough so that Anna couldn’t hear him.

They all know abt the werewolf so… why is the narration so ominous here? Or is it the “had” because Alec somehow knows that the werewolf has left the town and is now following the kids? Is Alec evil? 0.0
No, is Alec Shadow???

Hmm I feel like you are too reliant on speech tags to describe what your characters are doing and not enough on what they are actually doing. Like, I still have trouble envisioning where your characters are or what they look like most of the time. Just add some reminders. Someone tossing their blonde hair over their shoulder. Complaining about the mud on their red jacket. Just… some human reactions from them. We only really ever get dialogue or someone in narration going “Oh I like this person” with barely anything attached to that.

Since you have so much dialogue in your story, you also don’t really take the time to build up atmosphere. Things happen very quickly. You don’t really give time to let reader settle with your characters in the scene.

Wait is Alec the werewolf? Or the person who shook the werewolf’s hand? Did Abigail not notice him leaving Steven and Carol’s house somehow? Ohh intriguing!