When the Sisters Come Out

by RoseGryffindor
  • November 12, 2010
  • Poetry
  • Dramatic
  • Poems
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Spoiler! :
I know there is one spot in here that is a little confusing so I will go ahead and clarify it. The Dark Lady is the Blue Sister.


When the Yellow Sister and the Blue Sister meet in the sky
That's when we come out to play.

We flit around you, unseen and unoticed.
We tug at your soul,

Mold it and knead it with happiness and light
'till it's glowing like the Yellow Sister
We wait for her to go
and the Dark Lady to shine down,
no longer the Blue Sister.

Then when the Yellow Sister goes
we feast on your soul with delight.
Laughing with glee at your pain and suffering.
We suck 'till you are lifless and broken like a puppet,
And take over your body to unleash our havoc upon the world.

Spoiler! :
(Is it weird that I came up with this while I was at Meijers?)

Comments & reviews · 4
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DoomBlade87
Review
DoomBlade87 wrote a review · Thu Nov 25, 2010 4:31 pm

I just.....don't get it. ^^' Is that bad?
Who're the Sista's supposed to be? At first I thought maybe night and day but the whole 'feastn 'pon yur soul' stuff threw me off. But...good anyway! :P

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Nightshade
Review
Nightshade wrote a review · Sat Nov 13, 2010 5:19 am

I wasn't able to pull much out of this poem. There are just too many unknowns to really understand what's going on. Who is "you"? Who is the narrator? Why does the narrator do what it does? How exactly do the Sisters fit into all of this?
Also, I found the line: "Mold it and knead it with happiness and light 'till it's glowing like the Yello Sister as we wait for her to go and the Dark Lady to shine down, no longer the Blue Sister." to be incredibly awkward and distracting. It's length and style don't fit at all with the rest of the poem and it completely threw me off.
I'm intrigued by this poem, but I can't really appreciate it without more content and some revision.

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MadameLuxestrange
Review
MadameLuxestrange wrote a review · Sat Nov 13, 2010 2:50 am

Hey there! Awesome job! The only grammatical error in here was a typo where you forgot the 'W' at the end of Yellow. The only story issue is the second to last line 'We suck 'till you are lifeless and broken like a puppet.' I don't know why, but this line sounds a little awkward. It's probably just me, but I would ask around. Just in case.
Best of luck!
~Luxy :-D



One of the things I love about YWS is the quote generator. For example, I'm reading a really serious work, and then I see "Moo. - cow" at the bottom of the page.
— Darlet