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140,720 Literary Works • 673,676 Reviews
I just.....don't get it. ^^' Is that bad?
Who're the Sista's supposed to be? At first I thought maybe night and day but the whole 'feastn 'pon yur soul' stuff threw me off. But...good anyway!
I wasn't able to pull much out of this poem. There are just too many unknowns to really understand what's going on. Who is "you"? Who is the narrator? Why does the narrator do what it does? How exactly do the Sisters fit into all of this?
Also, I found the line: "Mold it and knead it with happiness and light 'till it's glowing like the Yello Sister as we wait for her to go and the Dark Lady to shine down, no longer the Blue Sister." to be incredibly awkward and distracting. It's length and style don't fit at all with the rest of the poem and it completely threw me off.
I'm intrigued by this poem, but I can't really appreciate it without more content and some revision.
Hey there! Awesome job! The only grammatical error in here was a typo where you forgot the 'W' at the end of Yellow. The only story issue is the second to last line 'We suck 'till you are lifeless and broken like a puppet.' I don't know why, but this line sounds a little awkward. It's probably just me, but I would ask around. Just in case.
Best of luck!
~Luxy