All the AM/FM frequencies
consist of only static, so
remember to save
a radio wave
for me
.
Unzip it like the stations do,
slowly, slowly now:
never let it
notice
.
Whisper your mind into its opened crest wound.
Layer the repetition on it again and again
until the slight transparency obscures
into a roiling mass of fervent,
whispered words so thick
you walk through
solid haze
.
And when you zip it up again,
with a precipitous tug,
that radio wave will
still sound like
only static
.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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129,978 Literary Works • 671,511 Reviews
Hi!
I really liked your diction but unfortunately I think I missed something. I had a little trouble understanding this poem. When you said "unzip it like the stations do" I was a little confused as I don't understand how radio stations unzip radio waves. Then you said "never let it notice" and the personification of what i thought were radio waves confused me.
The longest stanza was the best because it was easier to understand and your word choice gave a very visual and emotive idea. I could understand it and imaging the repeated whispers building on each other.
After reading through it a few times I'm pretty sure it's about pouring your soul or thoughts into something hidden or trying to understand someone else.
Anyways, I really liked the 3rd stanza but the other ones and the topic of the poem didn't seem completely clear to me. That could be a good thing because it invited me to look deeper into its meaning and really think about what you were saying.
-RedVines
Hi Widdershins, this is TheMastermind with a review I hope you will enjoy and learn from.
First of all, the poem is visually appealing. All of the stanzas have a decreasing amount of words from top to bottom. That makes it look stunning and visual. I do love the technical aspects of the poem and it was a good read because of it. However, there is a minus point to this poem. It doesn't really move a person. It isn't too great nor is it poor. The poem lacks the emotion and rhythm a normal poem would have.
My favourite verse was
Whisper your mind into its opened crest wound.
Layer the repetition on it again and again
until the slight transparency obscures
into a roiling mass of fervent,
whispered words so thick
you walk through
solid haze
Hi there Widds,
I'm here to review one of your amazing poems! I do believe I see a theme with this one and clock!radio and radio!telegraphy (both of which I loved as well!)
This is great, I just love the radio theme as well as the imagery with layering words until they fill up the empty space.
I feel like I'm getting some mixed emotion from the poem- in a way, I feel comforted yet sad and hollow at the same time. I'm not sure what your intent was, but I thought that was pretty cool. Were you thinking of when you have to leave (again)?
I suppose this line was rather confusing:
Opened crest wound? I'm not quite sure what you mean here. To me, it seems like it would be something like "Whisper your mind into the hollow empty air". Your line didn't particularly make sense, but it did sound good aloud. You don't have to change it if you don't want to.
Pretty much that was the only thing I wanted to say. Once again, amazing poem, and thank you for having it posted. Lovely job.
-Falco