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Young Writers Society



Belecthorian Mythology - Part One

by Riverlight


Long ago, the world was a dark void-- shapeless, formless, colorless, soundless-- until the God of the Heavens and the Universes willed our world into being. He placed his hands upon the rock, freely giving his blood to the soil, and allowing life to begin. Trees sprang from the ground, mountains grew from the dusty soil, blood became water, and as Creation neared its end, the stars, sun, and moon aligned with one another.

As He had intended, the first creatures came forth from the depths of the seas, before they were joined by their kin on dry land. Last of all came the forty-nine races of beings that Jehovah made in His own image. The Light Elves were the Firstborn, being the eldest of all the races. Daethdr was the first to awaken in the Mountains of Mist, overlooking the Endless Plains.

Daethdr climbed down the mountains. He stood on the Plains and praised Him that created all things, saying "Thanks be to Jehovah." He wandered alone for some time before stopping to drink at a crystal clear pool. He looked to the north, and a forest seemed to rise from the ground. There, he dwelt in peace, members of his own and other races coming and going over the years. Though he aged, he appeared no different after a century had passed.

One day as he was traveling abroad, the Light Elf came upon a group of Fairies. A fell howl filled his heart with fear and woe, though he did not flee. A Necromancer had come, and his face was wolfish; darkness filled the Necromancer's heart. His name was Sylvestre, who had been little more than a rumr for many years. He was seated upon a golden dragon, and he was followed by the evil Black Centaurs, of whom only one ever repented. These are their names as recorded in the Tome of the Holy:

Asgaroth, Lord of the Black Centaurs;

Kostosios, his Steward;

Odeaus, the Pyromancer;

Feldrethnior, the Willful;

Ismora, the Youthful;

Coronice, the Terrible

Harmele, the Golden;

Balape, the Thunderous;

Thorndritch, the Darkling;

and Reedstrom, the Balanced.

Of these ten, only Reedstrom turned from his accursed ways, though his tale has not yet come. In those days, they had only one goal: chaos and death.

Daethdr assisted the Fairies in their fight for weeks. At last, Daethdr slew the golden dragon, driving its master an his servants away for many years. Again, the years peacefully passed, and Daethdr dwelled in the forests. He married the woman Arneth of the House of Stormfrost, and in time she gave birth to a son. Daethdr named him Vilnius, saying, "For I slew a dragon, so shall you be dragon-hearted."

In time, Daethdr became old, and he gave himself up to the winds In this way, Vilnius became the first Chieftain of his people, the Dux Domini, and they became a nomadic people and lovers of the Sea. And thus was the line of Daethdr established:

Daethdr was the father of Vilnius by Arneth. Vilnius was the father of Tharbad the Kind, the father of Renia the Graceful, the mother of Eryneth the Wise, the mother of Himlben, the father of Harnon. And Harnon was the savior of the Misericords in the South, driving the invaders of the East away for many years. And when Harnon died, his only son, Harndir, became Chieftain of his people. His wife was the fair Elf-maiden Sílriel. Together, they became the parents of Harlon,

It was when Harlon was almost two years of age that a great shadow reached out from the regions of the far south. The Necromancer had returned after his centuries of years in hiding. Reedstrom betrayed his Master, warning the Dux Domini and the Misericord tribes of the coming war. The tribes fled into the mountains with the Dwarves and weaker Kindreds while the Men of the North prepared to fight the evil that had been deemed banished from the world long ago.

Harndir said to his beloved, "Sílriel, my bright shining star, flee; for I know that my death is upon me and that our hope shall lie in our son."

And so, Sílriel fled with a small number of the Dux Domini to the western shore. But Sílriel tried to return to her husband, but was killed by a stray arrow in battle. That battle had no victor, for only a few of the Dux Domini had survived, and the Centaurs and their Master were but spirits, never returning to any real form in this world.

Harlon was raised by the descendant of his grandfather's father, the great-granddaughter of Himlben. Her name was Andromeda of the Family Weaver and she raised young Harlon as her own, renaming him Michael, and telling him nothing of his true history.

As Michael Dragonheart grew up in the home of the Family Weaver, he grew to be tall and fair just like his forefathers and foremothers of old.It was in the Year 0001 of the Belecthorian Calendar that Michael came to reach his twentieth birthday. He was gifted a small inn by his adopted mother and he set out to become a successful businessman. The following year, he had made back everything that the Family Weaver had spent to buy the business, and he said that it was his thanks for the happy life he had led with them.

In 0003, Michael teamed with the local smithy and Healer, me, to expand the size and economy of the city of Owl Tree. Our plans were partially dashed, however, when a group of pirates attacked the city and took the famous WereCat Christine. Christine was a Seer and remains the most famous in Belecthorian lore, for each and every single one of her predictions cam to pass. Michael, a small crew at his side, set out on ships to save her, but it was too late. Thus, Owl Tree chose to go to war with the pirates, and they named Michael their king.

After some time, it came to be that he fell in love and married an Elf named Alexia. His friend Sinestra's heart came to be filled with jealousy and contempt, and she murdered Alexia in a fit of rage. Ashamed, Sinestra went into self-imposed exile. Michael, hearing the pleas of his people begging for an heir, remarried within the year. His new wife, Astoria, gave birth to a son, and named him Vilnius the First at the request of Andromeda Weaver.

And thus ends the story of Creation and the lineage of the line of Kings before Michael the First was seated upon the throne.


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Mon Oct 19, 2020 4:52 pm
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Stringbean wrote a review...



Hey, Vil! Time to get this out of the Greenroom.

There's a lot going on with this piece, more than first meets the eye, and I really love it! So I'll just jump right into the specifics here about what I see that works and doesn't work.

1.
In the beginning of this, it definitely has some strong Judeo-Christian creation story elements, which is fitting for Belecthoria having a form of Christian religion later on.

2.

He placed his hands upon the rock, freely giving his blood to the soil.

For some reason, this just stands out to me as producing a very vivid image. I'm not sure why lol.

3.
Daethdr was the first to awaken in the Mountains of Mist, overlooking the Endless Plains.

I like this as the ending of that paragraph, then starting a new with him coming down from the mountain. It marks a nice transition and gives this line here a bit of a dramatic effect. His name sounds dramatic too lol, and the fact that the reader doesn't really know the Mountains of Mist, but they are written here as a given adds to the sense that this story is something with a history and rooted into the culture. Also adds a bit of a mystical feel.

4.
He wandered alone for some time before stopping to drink at a crystal clear pool.

The ending of this line, with the description of the pool, feels out of place to me. Up until then, there really isn't any specific imagery, so having this "crystal clear pool" instead of just a pool sticks out, and I don't think really adds to the already established sense that this world is pure and beautiful.

5.
He was seated upon a golden dragon, and he was followed by the evil Black Centaurs, of whom only one ever repented.

This is just a stylistic edit I'd suggest. I think this would read better if you took out "and he was" after the comma, so just, "He was seated upon a golden dragon and followed by the evil Black Centaurs..." Partly I think this because the "and he was" is a redundant pronoun and verb, and also because you use the same, unconventional sentence structure in the previous line, so it makes it even more redundant here and kind of messes with the flow I think.

6.
In 0003, Michael teamed with the local smithy and Healer, me

Ahhh, I like this touch. It makes complete sense that Sinestra is telling the story, but up until this point I didn't realize it. There's a lot of layering of dimensions and stories on top of stories in this piece, and this just adds to that more.

7. Expanding on that point about layering, I think it works really well in this piece. There is a ton of stuff covered here, several stories that could be books on their own, but you've done an excellent job of threading them into one story, the beginning of history for Belecthoria and the Dragonhearts, while maintaining a smooth flow, giving enough information that it all makes sense, but not too much that the narration is bogged down. There are lots and lots of questions about what the details of these stories are, but rather than feeling incomplete, they just add to the richness of this lore and culture. It's a really nice touch that definitely creates interest and I think adds a sort of enchanting feel. I really like it!

So I don't think there's a whole lot here that I'd point out for revision, mainly just some syntax and rewording here and there, a few typos to be fixed. The story doesn't feel lacking in any way, the flow and feel of it are great... I'd probably put this up there with one of your best individual prose pieces myself. Fine work c:

~Stringbean




Riverlight says...


Ahhhh... I missed some of the first person bits I meant to take out... ;-;

Thanks for getting this outta the Green Room <3



Stringbean says...


Really? Heh XD

I've got a lot more to get to, ahhh! <3



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Sat Oct 17, 2020 4:57 pm
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Riverlight says...



@Stringbean Get this outta the Green Room?




Stringbean says...


Yeah, I'll try to get to it!



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Mon Oct 12, 2020 12:17 am
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SoullessGinger says...



Hello! This is my first review, so exciting!XD

I loved the way you used some traditional world-building elements while adding your own touch. Your writing style matched perfectly with the goal of the entry, and your words weave a story that I can imagine easily in my mind. The way you present this entirely new world is complex, and straightforward, leaving me feeling like I've just set down some dusty old book in an ancient library.

I also appreciated the way that Michael wasn't a hero in the mainstream sort of way, like that of knighthood and battles, but found his own definition of the word. He was successful in what he attempted and eventually became a king. I liked the depth that the simple story gave him. He knows what it's like to lead an ordinary, hard life, and uses that to improve his city. That idea just rings true with me.

I'll definitely come back to read some more, I love the way you write lore. Thanks!
-Ginger




Riverlight says...


Thanks for the review! Glad you like my worldbuilding <3



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Mon Oct 05, 2020 11:36 pm
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SilverNight wrote a review...



Hey, Vil! I thought I would try reviewing this.

I really enjoy learning more about your world-building. It's very well planned, excellently designed, and elaborately detailed. This is only the very start of the story, and it's already creative and well done. I know it only gets better from there. You also have very good fantasy names for your characters, which I know can be pretty hard to come up with.

I also like the part about how the Dragonhearts got their family name by defeating a dragon. That's my personal opinion, but I didn't know that before, and I think it's interesting-- not to mention another great name!

I'll be keeping a eye out for more of your writings like this. Thanks for the read!

- Shadow




Riverlight says...


Thanks for the review!




ah yes my boiling cheetohs
— tatteredbones