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Hello! Let's get this out of the green room, shall we?

Overall, I thought the writing itself was pretty good. You've got all of the general mechanics and technical things down.

A couple of things bothered me about this piece - and any of them could be because I'm coming into this story late. But nevertheless...

1. So many characters. I had a difficult time following all of the characters. I thought there were a lot of people mentioned and I wasn't sure who was who or who was important (other than the main two. I think I've got them.) It was difficult to keep them all straight.

2. A lot of stuff happens in this chapter. It was interesting, but I'm not sure where the plot is going and what the most important parts were. There was a lot of great action, but there was also quite a bit of telling. I'm not sure if all of the details are vital right now.

I would try to cut this down a little. Can you summarize what happens in this chapter in one sentence? If not, it should be cut down until you can. Maybe that means breaking it up into multiple chapters. Maybe that means trimming some fat. Think about what the central focus or conflict is in this chapter and focus on that. Think about what is essential to move the plot forward. Everything else can go. Maybe it can be brought back in later or elsewhere, but for now keep it simple.

All of that being said, I think you have an interesting idea here. I don't read a lot of historical fiction, but I know lots of agents actively seek it and like really old historicals like this, so keep working on it!

Let me know if you have any questions, need me to elaborate anywhere, or if anything I said was confusing!

This is amazing. You are a phenomenal author! I'm excited to know what happens next.

I do have a few notes for you, though. In several places, throughout all three chapters, you seem to skip commas. It nothing overly major; just something you might want to review.

The passing of time is a bit confusing, too. There's just a block of text (starting at "but ad their training continued") that reads a bit bulky. I know illustrating time is a pain in the butt, but there's gotta be a little better way to phrase all that.

Keep up the good work though. I need to know where this is going. :3