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139,345 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
Hey there! I'm here for a quick review, as I'm rather short on time.
Overall, this was written well, with good dialogue, and the main character's cares and feelings did come through. I kind of feel like Folkvar's an older, kind of laid-back guy, just because of the relaxed style of writing you have here.
Something that I do think you could improve is that nothing really feels too urgent just yet. Something life-shattering and worrisome has just happened, but he kind of just walks around feeling sad about it for a while. I'm not really getting the sense that anything is at stake beyond his Folkvar's life and his desires.
Another thing I noticed was that even though it said he was going to visit someone, right up until he got there, that wasn't very clear - it just kind of felt like he was wandering around, thinking.
Also, when he first mentioned that he was going to see someone, he almost seemed to think about it with something like dread - as if the person was more powerful than him and that scared him. However, Spana Rune-Teller didn't really seem like that at all. He said she was unsettling, but she didn't feel unsettling, and I'm unfortunately not sure why.
If her mother had the gift, why can't she? I didn't understand his reasoning here.
And that's all I've got for you - sorry it was a bit short. Good luck and keep writing!
Hi! Thanks for the review! I've got to be a little brief, but I'll try and cover your notes.
Folkvar is pretty much a catch in the village- ideal Viking, good worker, good husband. He doesn't let much affect him, otherwise he couldn't do his duties as well. Because of Norse culture, most people (especially warriors/Vikings) weren't afraid to die. Dying was the only way to go to the afterlife, where you got to fight forever- Vikings, am I right?
I'll definitely clear up where he's going in my rewrite, which is inevitable. So thanks for that, I hadn't caught that before.
Folkvar, for all his macho hardcore-ness, is like many of the Norse int eh fact that he is very superstitious. Witch women/medicine women/rune readers held a certain respect and fear, because they supposedly had a touch of the divine/magics. (Side note: only women were supposed to do magic, because they were assumed to have a natural talent for it.) So most of Folkvar's worries are a little unfounded, and Spana certainly plays up her mysticism, but she is not a woman to be trifled with. That comes later, I assure you.
As for the Jarl's exclamation, he's kind of pouting, honestly. He received a rune reading that was less than favorable about his upcoming raid and private life, and he's being a bit petulant that an 18 year old girl should have this effect on him and tell him his life.
And thank you for the review! I hope you keep reading.
- Renn
Thanks for the information!
Okay! Here again!
I'm not as sure about how I feel about this chapter as the last ones. The shift in point of view threw me off a little bit, and I'm wary about how necessary it was. The readers won't know until later, of course, but this is the first portion we'very seen entirely from Folkvar, and it seemed a bit out of place. I would honestly only keep it if you know that it will offer somethino major to the story. If the foreshadowing is really important and very specific to something, then keep it, but if the story can do without, or if there's another way to go about it without disrupting the way the story is told so much, I would consider that.
A second thing I want to mention, and this applies to all of the chapters, from what I've seen, is to be careful about which tense you're using. You slip into present tense semi-frequently, especially in these last two portions. I'd give it a read-over and keep an eye out for that in future installments.
On the other hand, you've got me extremely curious about what happened with the jarl, and I'm already nervous about what's going to happen to the village while the raids are going on. You're very good at building up suspense, and as I've mentioned earlier, using imagery and voice to set the tone of the scene. You show the reader the emotion instead of simply stating what it's supposed to be, and you do so beautifully, and in that way, you make the reader empathize with the story and its conflicts.
Please do let me know when the next installment is up, and I would be more than happy to give you my two cents!
The impact of this section will be seen later, but I will definitely rework the beginning. The problem with on YWS (and any typed version) is that I can't add the runes associated with each character's narration after their section is over. I added that in my manuscript in order to solidify things. This is just a continuation of chapter 4, because it was suggested that my chapters were a tad long to be in one post. Thank you for your reviews! If you would like in anything specific reviewed in return, hit me up!