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137,761 Literary Works • 672,064 Reviews
Hello, here for a short review!
I haven't read the other parts of this so feel free to ignore or add onto my ramblings. So, as the reviewer said below me, I feel like your beginning could've been a little better. A beginning, in a sense to anything, should be the fundamental start to how your novel will go. It'll drag in your reader and possibly make them want to read it. Your beginning only seems to go slow- like telling the reader everything that was happening, when I think they might know it from the previous chapters. In my opinion, start the beginning off with a big bang or something. A beginning that usually starts off huge has a smaller end- think about it in a way of the Big Bang.
It seems throughout this story and in the beginning, you use parentheses as a different part/thought of the story. Like, a different view from what is happening in real time. The only problem is it is almost like the author is putting in his own view on what is happening. In most novels of the sort, I think authors try not to force their opinion on what they feel for their characters but rather go forth and do them. It can also be a distraction to some who read your novel.
As a suggestion, perhaps stick to one or two characters when writing a chapter then if you want, write another chapter with some different characters. You don't want to add a whole lot of stuff within one chapter. It might be a little overwhelming for the reader to pay attention to a single person then they are skipped to another person- to put it best, the sudden change in characters is almost like speed dating. But as I said before, try sticking to just the fundamental characters that pave the way for how the novel may turn out.
I like your dialogue in this chapter. It seems to bring a certain crispness to how the novel may round out and brings out the certain character's interactions.
Overall, I think this was a well-rounded chapter for your novel. Even though there was some hiccups, I'm sure you'll flatened them out over time. Hopefully in the next part, you start off with the battle.
Steggy
And here for another review!
I liked this chapter as much as the previous ones. The opening was a bit messier as far as the quality of the writing itself goes, but I feel that it could easily be reworked with a little read-over.
Your writing has been so far very well-paced, easy to read and for the most part, easy to follow. Your characters continue to grow, and you continue to impress me with how dynamic they are.the way you draw up your society and ensure that your characters are influenced by it is another thing that impresses me- honestly, I could go on for a long time about how pleased I am by your setting and characterization, and I hope that this remains a static thing as the novel progresses.
I'm going to cut this review short though, and give you anothee, more thorough one on the next chapter.
Again, thank you! I appreciate your thoroughness and dedication. I'll keep what you have in mind when I rip it apart.