A/N- It's just a scrap up. About ragging. Didn't add much content because that's the way it is supposed to look.
Maybe I never understood,
That I was always misunderstood.
I tried to be perfect,
But maybe, I always remained imperfect.
I had to remain faithful,
But somehow, they were always unfaithful.
I thought I kept them satisfied,
But they were always dissatisfied.
I was mature,
But they were ever-so immature.
I was expected to remain patient,
But they were always impatient.
At first, what they did was forgivable
Later on, it was nothing but unforgivable.
I never knew why it was necessary,
To make my existence so unnecessary.
I thought the damages would be repairable,
But they remained irreparable.
Now the harm was done,
It could never be undone.
I am dead, they pushed me off the college roof,
I now regret that I never had enough proof.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi Reet, here to review your poem.
A quick demonstration I'd like to give is, change the 'voice' of your protagonist. Here it seems your protagonist was the person who faced bullies, suffered very bad. Remember, many people have used this type of narration in past. Why not try something never done before? Sort of a third person look into what ragging is, and the insaneness in harassing someone?
To begin with, I liked your theme. The subject in itself is identifiable and the message you're trying to convey is also a very important one.
Things I liked:
- Even though you dont have any plot you have full proofed your poem nicely. It kept me engaged consistently.
- And ofcourse you have a very nice message to convey.
- An interesting thing which I loved about your poem is, the way you use repetition to create an effect. Generally I would point this out as a flaw, as a redundancy of words hampering your poem, but here you are doing it wonderfully, both engaging and Striking a strong emotional cord!
Things you can improve:
- The most important point I want to highlight is uniqueness While you are making relevant points about ragging and how bad it is, you should try to present the same theme uniquely. I almost sensed a suicide or a murder coming right after the third line.
The problem with predictability is, your poem loses a lot of impact which it wants to create. Ragging is a tough topic to talk about and it can be a daunting task to write even a simple poem about it. You have done a marvellous job in penning such an engaging poem, but I believe you can still outdo yourself.
Bring in unexpectedness! Surprise yourself while writing it! It works big time if you're reacting strongly while writing it yourself.
Spoiler
I do realize it is a painful job in creating a different premise. And you have specifically mentioned you didn't want any plot or a story to dictate your narration. But I do believe you should give it a shot. You do have a great command over your material and Id like to see more of your work!
Overall, this was a wonderful poem! Keep up the great work!
Thank You
Happy reviewing day.
Hey there, Reet!
(I know I'm late)
You've been busy since you joined; I hope you stick around. I'd love to see what else you can come up with.
First of all, welcome to the site!
I actually adored the way you wrote this poem... using a word to end each line, then using it's opposite was not only clever and creative, it also really made me enjoy the poem all the more. You're very talented!
I especially love how you were able to twist each line to where you could use the opposite word in a way that made sense; shockingly, you were able to keep this up without disrupting the flow. Even when you broke the theme in the last line, it still didn't disrupt the flow of the poem at all, which--in my experience, at least--is very hard to do, so I have to give you some serious kudos!
I couldn't find any errors, and I wouldn't change a thing, so I don't have any nitpicks for you... You did a wonderful job with it!
Anyways, I really love your work!
Happy writing! ~
Thank you sooo much
Made my day. xoxo
Hello, lyricalrebel here. I'm here to review your poem.
So I'll start with the nitpicks.
"But maybe, I always remained imperfect."
In this sentence, you depicted a past perfect tense so you must place a "have" after "I" so the sentence must be gramatically correct.
"At first, what they did was forgivable
Later on, it was nothing but unforgivable."
After the word "forgivable", you must place a sentence because the sentence ended there. Unless you wanted to consider those lines as two sentences, you must put a separating word. The most appropriate is "but", which you must put before the first word of the second line since it portrays a different idea than the first.
"But they remained irreparable."
You forgot the "i" in irrepairable.
"Now the harm was done,"
This should be "Now the harm has been done".
The message of this poem is a universal theme — bullying. It was intense. I felt the pain, sadness and anger. It was overwhelming and amazing! From start to finish, the emotions stirred up greatly. Good job on that. Depicting such an idea through creative words is wonderful. Keep on writing.
Thank you. Well "irreparable" is the word, Google it
The tenses were made to be like this on purpose. Thanks anyways
Ooh, my mistake.
If you meant to keep it that way then okay. Of course, what I said were purely suggestions.
Yes, I understand