Brantley was a mary-go-round-town. Children would go to school and adults to their mundane, blue collar jobs. The elders sat on the porch watching their children and grandchildren do the same thing they did when they were young. Like the ride, the townspeople were repetitive and monotonous, Although an anomaly was when there was someone who desired excitement, ambition, adrenaline that pulsed through the vanes. The anomaly was a girl sneaking out during night's peak.
With a hammering heart, trembling legs, and a tight grip on the door handle, Sophie was pressed against the coat closet door. Through the crack of the door he was lethargically dragged passing her view. He seemed unaware of his daughter's absence from bed, but the idea he could catch her didn't abate her anxiety.
Would they wait for her if she didn't show? Would they somehow know she was prevented from the meeting place and come and save her? The have many waiting on them. They may have a tight schedule.
She could hear him tinker around in the distance. From the sound of the faucet and clicking of glass, she assume he was getting water. When he returned into view, Sophie's legs were trembling so intensely it felt as if they couldn't hold her anymore.
Waiting a moment for her father to get back into bed, she slipped out. Quickly and quietly she tiptoed to the door. She paused to listen for any warnings of stirring. Nothing. Still, panic and cold sweat swept through her as paranoia made her feel like any little sound was a cacophony. She opened the door only to allow her small fame to squeeze through and shutting the door behind behind her.
It was a cool fall night. Sophie dashed off her porch afraid her father may suddenly snatch her away and lock her in the basement to pray for her sins. But nobody could pull her away as she was sprinting. The thought that neighbors may catch her through their windows motivated her legs to move even faster, but she eventually ran out of steam and began to walk out of breath.
None of the inhabitants of the houses she was passed were people she would miss. The Bendsons were always loud and criticizing her, the Hotchners with the two peeping tom twins, and at the vary end the malevolent queen bee, Mary Samson. Her and her little entourage were guilty of excluding, sabotaging, and demoralizing. Feeling of contempt came from both parties. Although Sophie weak will and soft voice could never fight them off.
According to the letter she received, she was suppose to be at the library entrance by midnight.
It was second nature for her to go to the library. Before she knew it, she was there and surprised what was parked at a front.
In front of the entrance of the library was a carriage. There was even a beautiful steed latched on. Sophie wondered even how this got passed the townspeople. It was a bewildering sight.
Two people in matching robes stood near the carriage. A man stood under the light. He was straight, tall, and lean like a pencil with luxurious thick curls stuck to his chin. His thick eyebrows were like caterpillars taking a nap on his forehead and had a stern, solid face. His top hat he sported reminded her of Abe Lincoln.
The woman standing next to him had a contrasting appearance. She was stout and round. She had a kind face which consisted of a resting smile. Her bob cut hair hugged her rose cheeks.
What if they weren't the people she was looking for. This thought made her queazy as she approached them. She was afraid she would sound ridiculous if wrong but proceeded. "Um excuse me. Are you two part of the "A New Life program?"
The pair looked at her, and the woman's faced brightened. "Yes, I'm Karrie and this is Klaus. We'll be your hosts, Sophie. Now come dear, step inside, we have places to go."
Karrie grabbed her hand. Sophie was slightly overwhelmed by their hasty encounter. "I'm-I'm Sophie by the way but... you already knew that."
She took a seat across from Sophie while Klaus went in the front and steered the horses.
During the ride, the site outside the window caught Sophie's attention.
From what she saw, it seemed she was going thousands of miles per minute. The scenery was blurry as the world raced past her, but it felt like she was only going on a steady ride through the neighborhood. After the blur from the window lost it's appeal, her mind back tracked to how she even got here.
It all started in the library, her sanctuary where she would spend hours on end diving into the stories among the pages. This is where her dreams came true and where she would escape her demons, so her constant presence would warrant a detection of something out of place among the array of books.
Stuck between the adventure novels, her favorite genre, was a thin pamphlet. She didn't find it strange for it to be there but instead vexing someone didn't brother to put it in the right spot. She took it out to put in back, in which she assume to belong the travel section. When the title caught her eye. It said:
"A New Life Program"
"Not a travel pamphlet but a promise to sending you to where your dreams will come true. Permanently."
She started reading it through, not sure what exactly what it meant, but she had an instinctive moment of hope.
It gave instructions to write down what in her life made her miserable and what she wanted to do if she had anything in the world. At first, Sophie believed it to be a bizarre joke. Somehow she'd imagine that what she'd write would be publicly displayed, and everyone will know her fears and dreams.
Those worries halted when she saw her name written as an example for the formatting. She came to the conclusion something magical was happening. How would they know her name? How would they know it would be her to pick this up? There was also something glowing about the golden printed font. This couldn't be a prank from anyone who hated her. They we're he kind of people who wouldn't step into a library.
She began to write and placed it into provided envelope. Like the instructions directed, she put it back where she found it.
Later that night. she woke up with a letter on her forehead. The letter simply instructed her to meet in front of the library at twelve o'clock that same night.
Thus she ended up in a carriage speeding down to who knows where.
Sophie was relieved and excited when the carriage landed, and Klaus let her out. She was beginning to get stiff and numb but even more than that she desired to discover the means of obtaining her new life.
She didn't know what would await her, but after she got out, but she found herself someplace she didn't expect.
It wasn't whimsical like she had hoped.
It wasn't miraculous like she had imagined.
Instead of those, it was rock. In her view was a slab.
Sophie tried to look pass the rock which gave attention of the strange location they were in. She was on an island floating in the sky. She couldn't see past the wall of rock or else she would fall off trying to get around. Behind her, past the dangerously close edge, was a long expansion of blue sky. Bravely peering beyond the cliff, she glanced down. There was a black, round pit at the bottom. It was like someone had spilled ink over the blue. She scratched her head wondering what was down there.
Klaus and Karrie suddenly appeared next to her.
Before she could ask anything, Klaus' deep voice commanded, "You will climb this mountain."
"What?" she asked bewildered. "C-climb that!" She craned her neck up to find the mountain penetrating the sky above where no end was in sight. "Where am I? Why do I have to climb a mountain?"
Karrie answered, "Well it's hard to explain where you are exactly, but we have you climb this mountain because if we reincarnate your soul, we want it to be someone worth reincarnating. This test will prove to us you're worth a second chance in a guaranteed fruitful life. Another thing, we can't forget before we start, Klaus."
Klaus went up to her pressed a palm to her forehead. She felt as if the sun was in her stomach. Her insides slightly hummed and shifted pleasantly in her body. When he let go, she felt refreshed.
"What Klaus did, Sophie, was take away all your physical injuries from your previous life," Karrie explained.
To test this, Sophie prodded herself. Her ribs no longer ached, nowhere on her legs felt sore, and her cuts were replaced with new flesh.
Klaus spoke interrupting her examination, "Here are instructions. No matter what, you must make it to the top. We guarantee you are physically able to make it. If you succeed, you will be transported instantly to your new life. We have provided you with an invisible halter. It's only for if you accidentally slip but don't use it as a mean of rest."
"How would you know I'm just resting?"
It's able to tell your intentions, and if you rest on a halter for more enough time to recover it
will consider you quitting. If you stay on the same rock for more than five minutes than it will also consider you quitting. If want to forfeit you just let yourself drop. You will be transported back"
"Got it?" Karrie smiled amiably.
Dread poured into her. There was no way she was going to give up and return but climbing a towering mountain seemed awful.
"Time to start climbing," Klaus directed.
Taking in a deep breath she dubiously commenced her ascend.
She had been climbing for five minutes. Teen feet up later she peered over her shoulder. Klause and Karrie were gone and so was the surface they were standing on. Instead she was looking down into the large gapping hole she could fall into,.
Hating the view, she whirled back around. So far it hasn't been too difficult. The close together protruding rocks allowed her hands to hold and feet to stand on.
Sophie reached and placed her hand on an upper cavity of the rock. She moved her two legs to push herself upwards but found the hand that was in the hole to be stuck. She tugged and tugged for it to let go. Her hand fitted in the cavity but there was some kind of force keeping it in. Remembering the five minute rule, she was pulling even more frantically. Then finally after a few tries to managed to yank it out and keep going.
Unsure what that was all about she continued. She encountered the same problem. Another episode of tugging desperately happened and afterwards she felt foolish for falling for it again.
Her discomfort grew to an immense magnitude. The protruding rocks she hung onto were much more ruff. The smooth nicks wasn't an option because she was afraid her hands would get stuck again. This left them pink and raw. The sun was burning her neck. Her body felt like it was frying on top of a stove. Sweat beads like raindrops were flowing down her forehead and back. She had to blink the sweat away from her eyes. Her muscle were becoming fatigued as well. They protest with every movement. Every time she passed herself to another rock she had to take a break for a second.
She kept climbing but it got the point where she considered for a while letting go. She stopped. She thought about for a minute. Everywhere on her body was aching and she didn't know how long it will be until she would be finished. Was she halfway or quarter way or one sixteenth?
She peered up to find the rock was still cutting through the sky. She needed rest.
Then to the right of her she saw indeterminate specks flying towards her. When they got closer, she recognized them as birds. They were comely creates soaring through the sky. It was like art was painted on their light feathers. Bright and attractive. Their eyes large and benign, and their beaks dull and varying in different colors.
They began to sing a sweet whistling song of indolence.
A few turned into an army. Soon Sophie couldn't see the blue sky only the bright spectrum of feathers.
Sophie closed her eyes. She suddenly felt less motivated to even move. She was leaning backwards her hands slipping from the rocks. But once she felt the pull of gravity, her insides lurched forward. Memories shot though her. Awful memories. Memories that await her in the black murky pit.
A serpent as father that yelled at her daily, never satisfied with her attempt of being pious as him.
Whispering bullies fallowing her like a dark shadow.
No friends or comforting presence except a plethora of books.
She opened her eyes again. Despite the pain in her arms from fatigue and the singing of the birds, she pulled herself back onto the rocks and continued. The screaming of her muscles and her desires to make it all the way up, broke into a fray in her mind. Although, it was hard to think with all the singing. She would have these moments where she would almost give into the music.
She couldn't stand the tempting songs. She needed to get rid of them. Then she remembered a time when she tripped and skinned her knee in front of the church after a service. She started screaming and crying. Her father yelled at her too. She recounted on the storm of birds flying away.
So she began to shout, "Shut up! Go away!"
Like they did on that day the cloud of birds flew away. Then she was alone and it was quiet with her own thoughts. Sophie never really raised her voice behind. It felt odd yet exhilarating.
Her limbs were shaking as she advanced upwards but instead she thought about the her new life. Would she have a pair of loving parents. A bunch of loyal friends? Go on many adventures like in the novels?
Hear heart expanded when the she reached the top. She was high and elated beyond belief, beyond her comprehension.
A shot of adrenaline let her climb up there easily. She stood up on top of the mountain triumphant. A golden shining door glistened. Sophie ran towards it. She grabbed the knob and went through to be reborn.
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Hola Redbox275 =) FallWolf here for a review!
This work seems very symbolic. I don't know if you meant it this way, but it reminds me of the symbolic viewing of a Christians walk of faith as a mountain that you climb to reach the higher pastures of God above. So, yeah, if you meant for it to be symbolic you succeeded =P
Okay, now for the critique =)
I love the idea, especially the unique carriage (I love horse-drawn carriages!) and your depiction of Sophie's town as a "Merry-go-round town" (That part is absolutibemy amazing!) However, this story definitely needs a read-through. I found that a lot of words were either missing or missing letters. There is also one place where the word "Behind" is accidentally used twice in a row. Because of this, some of the sentences don't make sense, which is very sad =(.
Alright, the title. The title definitely piqued my interest! Maybe it sounds a bit too science-fictiony for this piece, but that's just a nitpick =P
So all in all, you just need a bit of work on your sentences and this will be a nice read =)
This is FallWolf signin' out
-FallWolf
Thank you so much. I appreciate a third reviewer!
Hello, Tulip here to give you a review on your piece!
I liked how you described the town as being boring, everyone doing the same thing like clockwork every day. The mention of having a blue-collar job was a nice touch to the beginning of the chapter.
I enjoyed how you described Sophie's fear of being caught while being snuck out. I believe that everything was written in a way that expresses any teenager's fear of being caught.
I so believe that you should describe the scene in which she comes up towards the library more. Describe the carriage and describe the surrounding a little more.
But it is good nonetheless, so I'm going to leave this review like this.
Keep writing,
~Tulip~
Great advice thank you!
O.k I like this but I want to say a few things,
1. In the ninth paragraph you said Sophie was surprised at what was parked up front, you didn't say what it was.
2. I like the fact that you said that the parents had blue collar jobs, but not many people know what that is, try adding some examples.
3. Other than that, you did a great job. I hope you keep writting!
Thank you for your feedback.
Also her parents don't work the blue collared jobs, I wanted to hint her father was a minister and her mother is dead because he is so religious and she is never mentioned.