Moving on

Hi, RedHood! My name is Strozzie, I'm a bit new here, so I'd like to give you the honor of having my first review! I appreciate the message your sonnet conveys, as well as the iambic pentameter (2x5) rhythm you used. As difficult as that rhythm is to use, your lines are not choppy or abbreviated nearly as much as I expected them to be. Nice work!

I have a few questions and critiques to make, though, so please bear with me.

How the light breaks in the darkness of night,

The screaming calls out breaking the bloodlines.

In this excerpt, I enjoy the imagery that you use to convey your negativity. However, you use the word "break" twice in what would have been one sentence. Perhaps, in the second line, you could use "sev'ring" or "splitting" instead? I'm also unsure of what you mean to say in the second line. The screaming (a participle) calls out? Only a noun (thing) can complete an action. Perhaps, instead of using "screaming," you could opt for "voices" instead.

Additionally, remember that poetry should still be as grammatically clear as prose. It may help you in the future to reformat your poem as a paragraph and read it that way, just to make sure your punctuation is functional. I see that LettersNumbers touched on this already, so I won't delve deeply there.

Through crying eyes I fight back the sad rain.

Turning away from the lasting goodbye.

In both of these quotes, your grammar and wording is a bit off. In the first quote, I love your comparison between your tears and rain - it gives me, as the reader, such a vivid image of your emotional struggle. However, when you have a phrase such as "through crying eyes" in the beginning of a sentence, you need a comma to offset it. I'm also not a huge fan of your use of "fight back" with such a poetic description of your tears. Perhaps something artistic like "suppress" or "constrain" could fit a bit better?

In the second quote, you left this as its own sentence, which creates a "fragment," or incomplete sentence. I understand if you included this intentionally, but if you want to be grammatically on-point, please add a comma to the end of the phrase. It would read, "Turning away from the lasting goodbye, I am not weighed down, looking towards the sky."

Aside from these minor edits, the flow and theme of your piece is magnificent. Please, keep up the great work! I hope to see more from you in the Green Room!

Hi RedHoodWriter, I'm here to review your piece

I saw you called this an "attempt" to write a sonnet...and I'd say you did a pretty ace job!

"The screaming calls out breaking the bloodlines."

I like how the screaming calls relate to the 'light' in the first line and the 'breaking bloodlines' relate to the darkness of night. The comparison makes it easier to visualize in the reader's head and also get a better understanding of the underlying purpose in the sonnet.

"To have a future of my own designs. The fear of goodbye threatens every day."

These 2 lines in the sonnet were most relatable to me. I always am thinking of my future and thinking of what I will have to leave behind. Reading these two lines almost gave me a sense of comfort knowing I am not the only one feeling this way.

"Turning away from the lasting goodbye. I am not weighed down, looking towards the sky."

The ending of this piece was like a breath of fresh air. I like how you equally balanced out the heavy, hard thoughts, with a sense of relief in the end. It was touching, and really beautiful.

Overall I really liked this piece. It was relatable, a bit dark, and then everything turns out okay in the end. You left the reader with a sense of nostalgia and I think that's a great impression to leave on people.

Really good job, I can't wait to read more of your work!

-DollyDee x

Hello RedHoodWriter, I am LettersNumbersOnly and I am here to review this fabulous sonnet. First and foremost, sonnets are my favorite. Their are some things in your poem that need fixing though. First off, punctuation. This struck me most here

The screaming calls out breaking the bloodlines

. This is a very confusing stanza, mainly because I do not know how to read it. A comma or semicolon is direly need somewhere in there because I have no inkling of what you are trying to convey. Maybe try to revise that line in different ways, just to make it more accessible. Secondly; it's fight or flight, when reading that I was so surprised to read that phrase like that. You should take your readers predispositions into account when writing. Besides that I am having trouble finding anything else I don't like in it, so I'm just going to gush.

The fear of goodbye threatens everyday [...] Leaving all that I ever was behind. As I go my heart no longer aching, Suddenly the pain is no longer in mind.

This is such a good poem, especially in who a reader can relate to it. The poem is ambiguous enough for one to spark different meanings. When I read it, I think of going off to college. To another reader it could be something completely different. That's the beauty of poetry, its the readers job to derive what the poem is to them. And your sonnet allows for this with ease. Anyway, I love it, and loaf it. Keep up the sonnets, because sonnets are cool.