Blowing through the trees
Forever moving away
Becomes lost to me
The coming of dawn
Bringing happiness to me
That leaves me at night
Tall and strong it grows
Red woods planted long ago
We are connected
Winter comes here now
The seeds are long forgotten
Time still passes by
Slowly each leaf falls
They each fall and then lost
New leaves begin again
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Canary word: Present
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139,447 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Hi,
Good one, I thought.
So, this is quite dangerous for a poem. It flows and yet, it nice. The image is like popping out in my brain. The title is well-created alongside with the usage of descriptions.
By the numbers of the line, 16, I think you might want to break the stanzas. It is a common problem. Try to press shift when you press the enter button. It will help for some people.
The seasonal theme is like common for all, but you've tried your best, I presume? Don't worry, this little poem is so cute especially when you wrote this line:
This is also quite common but I like it.
I just want to press on the punctuation matter. Many poets don't use them, but punctuation is more than random symbols.
My, my, I don't have many time left. Thanks for this meaningful poem. It made my fall day.
I hope this helped ya.
~~Nicol
Thank you for your help! I was curious to see how well this poem would do because I actually wrote this a few years ago.
This seemed like a good descriptive sort of poem. It feels very melancholy but fitting for the current season (oh, fall!). I was wondering if it was called 'Memory Leaf' for any particular reason.
I definitely didn't find very much that I didn't like about this. The short lines are great for the reminiscent sort of feeling of it. I am a fan of choosing to ignore standard grammatical rules, because who really needs punctuation? Anyway. I like that you didn't specifically point out that the poem was about leaves until the very end. The ambiguity is great, it allows the reader to choose what they want the feeling of melancholy to be related to.
"Bringing happiness to me" - for some reason, the second usage of 'to me' bothered me a bit. I do like repetition, but I feel that here, you could word it a bit differently. It also might be that there are a lot of syllables in the first two words, which makes the line stick out a bit.
"They each fall and then lost" - did you mean and then are lost? I was a bit confused!
I liked the cyclical ending to the poem, the idea of life/leaves/things in general beginning again. It didn't feel like a very final ending, which I generally dislike in poetry, but here I feel like that was a good artistic choice to strengthen the feeling and idea of the poem.
Overall, I enjoyed it. Great imagery! Makes me kind of excited for fall, except for the cold part.
Cheers!
-Cairo
Thank you so much for reviewing my poem. I was curious to see how well this poem would do, considering that I don't write poetry that much and well I actually wrote this one a few years ago