The next few days seemed to go by slowly and I became very bored, very fast. There was still the other book that I could read in the house, but it was about deals, trading, and bargaining. I tried to read it, but I could barely past the first page. It was super boring, so I ended up playing with the other kids outside. The weather was warmer, the days were longer, and it was nice enough outside that we could play any game we wanted to. No one could complain in this weather, though it was annoying when the kits Aura and Boris climbed the trees so they would be out of reach. A lot of us didn’t know how to fly yet, and those who did were apprentices or were part of the junior guard.
There were only two more days until the summer season, and I could barely wait. Waiting was agony, and there wasn’t anything I could do to pass the time any faster, and as I lay on the grassy hill looking up to the sky, I wondered what kind of guard I really wanted to be. I of course wanted to be just like my mother, brave, kind, strong, but I also wanted to make my mark. Be different than my mother and grandfather. They were the best, but I wanted to be better, in my own way of course. I didn’t want to surpass them in what they were best at, but I also wanted some kind of trait that would make me stand out from the others. I was lost in thought, staring at the clouds, wondering about my future already.
I don’t know how much time had passed since I got lost in thought, but I was snapped out of it when Aura and Boris started screaming at the top of their lungs, “ALICE, ALICE, ALICE!” It was more of a chant, but it still had me in a jumping mess when I heard that. Honestly, I thought that my ears were going to fall off because of the volume of which they were shouting at. But then they started talking at the same time and I knew my ears were going to fall off. I had to shout at them to slow down so I could understand what they were saying, and even then, it was confusing. All I was able to hear was, “There’s a-”
“A wagon with-”
“New group!”
“Tinkers’!”
“COME ON!!”
A new group of tinkers and traders had come to the valley, and with a new group, meant new stuff from outside! Most of the time new groups would have some forbidden items on display and we would get to see them. I haven’t seen a forbidden item yet, and I was really hoping that I could see one. All the older bunnies would boast that they had seen one or two from the travelers that had come by. It was annoying, but with a big group of new wagons, meant that the chances of seeing one were higher. Chasing after Aura and Boris I flapped my wings to try and gain speed, but it was also kind of practice for when I learn to fly. I’ve been practicing taking off like this since I saw Dylan and the older bunnies do this. Even though I don’t like him that much, it doesn’t mean I can’t try to do what he does. There were a few times I felt like I got off the ground and glided a little bit, but I couldn’t fully tell.
Maybe it was because I was frustrated, or some instinct kicking in, but I decided to jump down the hill. When I did, I spread my wings open and held my breath as I glided with the wind. I was surprised at first, which made me falter a bit, but it felt so good. It felt so natural to be gliding with the air streaking its way through the feathers in my wings. I couldn’t help but try to stay in the air all the way down, flapping here and there, eventually flying past the twins and to the wagons. As I got closer and closer to the crowd, my only wish was that I knew how to land, and so I ended up crash landing into the crowd screaming, “LOOK OUT!”
I wasn’t one of the first to crowd around, and I wasn’t going to be the last, especially since I made quite the commotion flying in. My parents were most likely to drop everything and rush over to scold me. BUT the junior guard would be getting off training soon, and Dylan and his friends would totally try and buy something from the travelers, and I wanted to get something before he did, to boast of course. My father gave me a bit of money for my birthday, and some for watching my sister, so I’m hoping that it will be enough to buy something. I only had 9 copper pennies saved up so I wouldn’t be able to get anything fancy, but maybe I would be able to get something for my sister. She wouldn’t be able to fly or train, but she could still have something to do.
I saw my mother’s friend talking to a short lady with what looked like a mushroom on her head. Looking back at the cart, a box caught my eye. It wasn’t anything big, nor fancy but it was open and singing. The box wasn’t very good at singing, but I was captivated by the moving figures playing in the box. They were the tiniest and shiniest creatures I had ever seen. I wanted to get it, but part of me knew that it wasn’t a good idea. The box was most likely a forbidden item, and I would most likely have to throw it away if I was caught with it. The whole situation was frustrating, mainly because I took extra care to follow the rules, but the box was so enticing that I really couldn't help it.
“Ex-excuse me, but what’s that pretty box?” I was nervous, but still asked the question that lingered on my mind. It wasn’t something that I would hoard all to myself, I would share it with Ellie since she’s my sister. I want to share pretty things like that with her. The lady who oversaw the cart was very kind, she had a high-pitched voice that was almost like a yelp but was happy all the same. She answered my question in a cheerful mood like she was waiting for one of us to ask.
“It’s a music box of course,” she exclaimed, “It’s one of the newest trending inventions for little ladies such as yourself!” As soon as I heard the word invention, I knew that it was a forbidden item. It didn’t stop my desire for it, but I knew the punishment for owning a forbidden item that was so plainly obviously forbidden, so I asked if she had any books.
The kind lady was a bit confused by my sudden change in interest, but I knew that a book would easily be looked over, especially if it had no cover. I looked at the many books within the wagon, and none of them really stood out to me, so I picked one out at random. Pointing towards a shelf of books behind the lady, I asked for a book on the shelf. I wasn’t pointing to any book in particular, so when the lady asked if she got the right book for me, I responded with a simple yes. It ended up costing almost all the money that I had saved up, which left me with only one copper coin, but it was worth it. I had something to brag about to Dylan! He has got to feel jealous after this!
Dylan was fuming by the time he got off training and into the square, and it put a smile on my face. News of me flying into the crowd really did spread fast, I am my mother’s daughter of course! To make things better, I shoved the book into his face with a smile and boasted, “Look! I got the first trade from the newcomers, and it’s a book I can read!” The shock and anger on his face was everything to me, I couldn’t help but giggle as I was embarrassing him in front of a crowd. Then he smiled, and I couldn’t help but feel a bit worried.
“You’re going to get in trouble, that’s a forbidden book, don’t you know,” he stated matter of factly.
“How do you know,” I spat back, “It’s not like you can read.” I was taking a gamble in this. He could very well know how to read, and I could have just signed myself away to living on my own past the mountain range, but his ears bent back, and his face scrunched up all embarrassed and mad. He definitely didn’t know how to read yet.
I continued to embarrass him by joyfully saying, “It’s a book about flowers and plants! AND that’s NOT forbidden, is it?” I had no idea what the book was about. It had a green cover and that was it. I was lying through my teeth, and didn’t feel bad about it whatsoever.
Soon after, my mother appeared. She looked at the situation and sighed, knowing that this was another one of our disputes. We didn’t like each other, and I don’t think that we ever will. Dylan is a stuck-up snobby boy who isn’t even that good at stuff, and I’m a skilled prodigy. There is no way that I would lose or give up during a fight with him, especially when he wants to be captain of the guard. That is my future job.
“Alice,” Mother stated, “It is not nice to brag.” I couldn’t help but look down at the book I was holding in shame. She sounded disappointed, and that made me feel small, like I was doing everything wrong. I mumbled a soft, annoyed sorry before going over to where Aura and Boris were in the crowd that had gathered. I no longer felt excited or happy, just sad, annoyed and a little embarrassed. Dylan totally had it coming with all his Jr. Guard bragging. Though, part of me was hoping that my mother would be worried and proud about my flying, but I guess not. She barely looked my way before telling me off and going to talk with the merchants.
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Hi there Rabbit, Icy here for a review today!
I haven't read the other three chapters you've posted of this one but I noticed that chapter three has been sitting in the Green Room for a little while so I thought I would show it some love.
Let's get into it.
I like how you introduce the conflict between Dylan and Alice in this chapter. They have a clear rivalry, and that seems to fuel the plot well. I also like how this subsequently highlights Alice's internal conflict between her desire to stand out and her need for approval. I can see both these internal and external conflicts creating a big part of any character development arc that Alice is going to undertake throughout the course of the novel so I think they're well introduced here.
After reading the chapter, I'm most interested in the presence of forbidden items among the traders and whether it could lead to further conflicts or adventures. Alice might be tempted to explore these items more based on her reactions to them so far, which could get her into trouble or lead to new discoveries. That coupled with her newfound ability of flight feel like we've got a lot planned for the plot.
I think you could hint a little more at the significance of the forbidden items because that felt a little lost in amongst everything else going on.
Looking forward to seeing where you take this one though. You've got some clear characters and a lot to explore I think. Hopefully I'll catch some more chapters of this in the near future!
Hope this was helpful.
Icy
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the wicked S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Alice finds a music box but gets a book instead because music boxes are forbidden. She then taunts Dylan for not knowing how to read and then mother tells her not to brag, to which Alice becomes annoyed about because they feel as though Dylan deserves to be made fun of for always saying that he’ll be better than their mother and grandfather.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I would like to see more interactions between Alice and Dylan to show how Dylan is bothersome to Alice, but if you think that this fine, then you can ignore this.
Chocolate Bar - I like how the mother seems to be more mature in how she looks at things than Alice by telling her that it isn’t nice to brag about being able to read and do certain things that most children cannot do. The mother wants her child to be the best that they can be and it doesn’t just go for fighting, it also goes for character and how Alice reacts to certain things. I also like how Alice thought the box itself was singing but it was actually a music box, it shows how they don’t know everything in the world.
Closing Graham Cracker - Alice still has much to learn about life and how to be not as good as a fighter, but as good as a person (or bunny creature). I think I’m most interested in how Alice will use her knife later on and if she’ll ever get the music box. Will the music box come back later in the story or no? Also, why are certain things forbidden? I am very intrigued…
I wish you a very Scary Creepmas Eve!