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Oh sweet death

by RavenNaal

Oh sweet death

My dear old friend

Been with me

Oh so long

Taking everything

Leaving nothing

Leave me be

Just one more night

One more moonlit stroll

One last tear to flow

Let me kneel

Besides loved ones graves

Just one more lavish dinner

One last pray to my god

Allow me this much

Before you take me away

Till I part this world once again

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235 Reviews

Points: 6841
Reviews: 235

Tue Feb 07, 2023 11:14 pm
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4revgreen wrote a review...

This poem's imagery and personification create a melancholic and introspective tone. The imagery of a moonlit stroll, the last tear, and loved ones' graves evokes feelings of sadness and loss. The speaker's request for one more chance before death takes them away adds to the poem's poignancy. The repetition of "just one more" emphasises the speaker's desire for a little more time while also emphasising life's finite nature. This poem is well-crafted and evokes strong emotions in the reader, making it a memorable and impactful work of poetry.he form of the poem is simple, but effective in conveying the emotion of the speaker. The language is simple and direct, making it easy for the reader to connect with the speaker's emotions. Overall, the structure and form of the poem serve to reinforce the speaker's complex relationship with death, creating a powerful and moving poem

RavenNaal says...

Thank you for your review! Its good to hear what parts of the poem spoke out the most to you and your feelings on it. Again, thanks!

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29 Reviews

Points: 5121
Reviews: 29

Tue Feb 07, 2023 4:45 pm
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Thediffident wrote a review...

Hello @Thediffident here to review your piece<3
This was such a heartwarming read! I loved the concept of the story and was somehow even able to emotionally relate and connect to it. Your writing style was great, the language was simple and concise and I wasn't able to find any major grammatical errors either. Great work!

Let me kneel

Besides loved ones graves

Just one more lavish dinner

One last pray to my god

P.S. I believe there should not be an s in 'besides' in the above lines.

Other than that, the rhyme scheme was a bit unclear so try maybe working on it a bit as well.

Other than that, I absolutely adored your piece. Looking forward to reading more of your work!

Please keep in mind that my suggestions are just what I think will make this piece better and feel free to not use them if you feel like they won't work. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions about this review or would like another one.

This was an extremely powerful and sentimental read. It was honour to review this piece!
Love, Andy.

RavenNaal says...

Thanks for the review! Glad you enjoyed the theme of the story and you were able to connect with it. Thanks for the critiques as well, always glad to hear on ways to improve my writing!

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39 Reviews

Points: 471
Reviews: 39

Mon Feb 06, 2023 3:21 am
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dragonight9 wrote a review...

I enjoyed the story behind this poem and it wasn't nearly as confusing as some poetry I've read.

I am not an avid poet but here are a few things I noticed when reading.

The rhythm in this poetry wasn't always consistent and some patterns didn't quite seem to fit. As for me a beautiful poem flows and pauses by using patterns and spaces.
The middle of the poem was better and felt like it flowed well.

I felt in the first section the line "Oh so long" should have had a connection to the first two lines by either rhyme or semantically/conceptually.

Overall I could still feel the haunting and sorrowful request due in pant to the poetry style of the writing but even more due to the word choice. Good job on that.

I do hope you continue and improve as this looks like you're on the right track to get the feeling and just need some help with the finer details.

RavenNaal says...

Glad to hear your advice, as my first poem im sure their were a lot of things that need to improve. So im glad you let me know. Ill be sure to try and improve next poem I write. Thanks for the review!

May you never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, then lie with me all the nights of your life. And if you must cheat, then please, cheat death.
— An Unknown Bride, Leap Year