Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I have seen god. I have seen the devil. I’ve seen demons also angels. Yet all seem to be the same, as each glimpse of their divine bodies left my thoughts into whispers and chaos. I have only had one chance to gaze upon the one I believe to be god. I will forever regret my interest in the truth, as the truth is as horrifying as any twisted god, or convulsed creature you can possibly fathom. That is my judgment, that the gods we worship and pray to are merely one singular being, one of chaos and unfathomable will. Its shape is one that will haunt my nightmares till death holds me within its saving grace. I can barely scribble up what I saw on that moonless night, for if I do, I must recall the terror that drowned my heart. That left me holding my breath, in hopes that I may die before its ever shifting form is scorched into the deepest trenches of my shattered mind. I can feel its will, its oozing black tendrils grasping my soul. Trying to tear it from my body, so it may take this vessel as its own. I don’t want such a thing to happen, I don't want to give in to that monstrosity. I can try to fight back, but I know that I will lose. How can a mere mortal compete with god. It's just merely a fool's dream, but it is the only hope I can possibly have. My vision has been blurred ever since that night. My thoughts are never coherent, always in shambles. Perhaps this last testament to what I have witnessed will be the last comprehensible thing I ever write on this yellowed paper. I can feel the madness filling me up, it's slow. Slow and methodical. Never letting me rest my weary body. Yet it's also painless, perhaps the only pity that I can receive from this god. Oh, how I wish I had chosen to put a bullet through my brain. A much more favorable end compared to what fate has led me to. It wont even let me die, I have shot, drowned, pounded, scraped, and broken my body. Yet every time this damn god won't let me leave its hold. How can something so disgusting hold the power of death? Why must we humans have no control over our destiny? Why should this demented creature be able to choose whether we live or die, whether we rise as empires or Succumb to the void of madness? For whomever may stumble upon this note that details the last thoughts of a damned fellow, find my body. Kill it, burn it, blow it up, I don't care. Just make sure that God is never able to enter our world. For if it does, I fear that our world shall end. Humanity will be erased and perhaps never again begin. It will be the end of everything. The last being, living or in another state, that shall ever exist. It is the fate God has allowed me to perceive, whether its true or just another way to torture its prey I will never know. I will choose to believe it, so to you who can hopefully grasp this dying man's words. End this for me, for all of existence that has been, and will ever be. Kill god.

Hello darling~

This was a cool, creepy piece! I love that you fully leaned into the gothic, and I don't just mean the subject matter but also the writing style. The language and the unrelenting, dispiriting darkness that permeates this piece were reminiscent of classic Gothic authors (Mary Shelley comes to mind), and I'm a sucker for that.

I like the opening sentences, and how they're short and choppy and startling, immediately grabbing the reader's attention. I think you raise some intriguing ideas about the divine, and framing all of them through a horror lens is an exciting concept. I would love to see you take these themes/topics, and the story this narrator hints at, and expand it into a longer piece. But I also enjoy the framing device you've employed here, where our main character has written this note as a cautionary tale to whomever stumbles upon it. It's fittingly macabre, for sure.

Although the framing device does give you a valid stylistic explanation for the lack of paragraph breaks, I personally would've liked it if you'd included them. It's just a little hard on the eyes to read one BIG paragraph, y'know? But I understand what you were going for: that authentic look and feel—like the narrator really did hastily scrawl this note. And you succeeded in making it seem like something plausibly written by a desperate, frightened, traumatized person with a shocking tale to tell. Who knows, maybe the paragraph breaks would've killed that authenticity... but they still would've been easier on the eyes, so I must advocate for them anyway.

Finally, that last line—"kill God"—is great and chilling. I'd say that's true of this whole piece: even though it's short and isn't written in a conventional narrative style (or perhaps because of that fact), it packs one hell of a punch. It's a spine-tingling good time, and it takes you on quite the rollercoaster ride. I'm curious to see more of your writing; I hope you upload other works in the future, because I love horror and the gothic, and I can tell you've got the imagination and the style to do very well within those genres.

Keep up the good work!