Young Writers Society

I very much enjoyed this story! The writing was smooth, and more importantly, consistent. The tone of the narrator never altered. It was distant enough to keep it brief, but not so that I couldn't connect.
I will say it was a bit predictable in that I saw it coming that Anahita would be the one to find the genie by being a good person. What I didn't see coming was that the manticore (I know what that is, I feel so cultured!) was the genie. That was cool.
The word "Genie" automatically makes me think "Grants three wishes, stuck in a lamp, etc." not so much having herbs. I get that he'd want to have her heal her mother herself instead of doing it for her, but I feel like it would hurt no one if maybe passing the tests leads to getting a wish granted and she wishes for her mother's good health. Just a thought, I know that you have your own vision, that's obvious from how well structured and awesome this whole piece was.
Again, very well done. I enjoyed this story immensely. Keep up the good work!
PM me with any questions, concerns, or statements!
~Q

Hi,

The story was well written out with all the characters and a good plot to go for. This fantasy is very original I praise you for your creative and imaginative brain. I like how the two brothers where showed different outcomes then the same and that the little girl stood up to show how real you are suppose to be with people and you see what you get in return. Overall this story was good. Keep writing.

Hi,

The story was well written out with all the characters and a good plot to go for. This fantasy is very original I praise you for your creative and imaginative brain. I like how the two brothers where showed different outcomes then the same and that the little girl stood up to show how real you are suppose to be with people and you see what you get in return. Overall this story was good. Keep writing.

Hello.
I really enjoyed this story. It's very original and fairy-tale-ish. I like that. The story was smooth and fast-paced and I did not spot any mistakes. It was very well-written and I liked how there was character in each of the persons in the story. If you continue more stories like this, please PM me. I would love to see more of these Persian tales. That mixed with fantasy is like a match made in heaven!
Keep writing. If you have any questions, PM me.

@fantasydragon01.

Hi,

Is this based on any existing fairytale or did you come up with all yourself? I'm impressed because it had a very "classic" feel, from the way the story was constructed to the clear moral at the end. Did you just do this for fun or did you do it for some kind of assignment? I remember having to do something similar for school and finding that it was actually rather difficult.

This does start very well: the action is and conflict is clearly set up within the first paragraph. The one thing I would suggest is that I wouldn't necessarily introduce the girl as the protagonist right away because it takes away a little something from the ending. Instead, I'd go for something along the lines of "In a town there were three siblings, two boys and a girl..." etc. You get the idea. I also don't know that I necessarily like that you pinpoint exactly where this supposed to take place? Totally personal preference though.

I would describe their personalities a little bit more before each of them sets out on the journey. A sentence or two would probably be fine, but just give me a little something so I understand why the interactions are happening the way they are. Because this did start to lose me a little bit, and I didn't realize what exactly was happening so I had to reread this several times. Usually stories like this are very simplistic in their tone.

Let me know if you have any questions or comments!!

Best,
Elinor