Death

I loved the way you formatted this poem.
And you managed to say a lot in so few words.

I think the middle part ( where the spider is introduced in the poem ) needs to punctuated a bit better to help make it easier to comprehend. It will help with the flow as well. Right now it's a bit confusing.

Nice idea.

Rating: 7.5/10


Hassan

Very nice idea! @jazzydracula I definitely agree that this was an accurate way to describe death from a certain point of view. Only a few nitpicks:

1. Then my neck it bites down…….. This

If I were you, I wouldn't capitalize then just because it's in the middle of a sentence. However, this is poetry, so there's no need to be too mindful of your capitalization, punctuation, grammar, etc.

2. Arm, like a spider uninvited, its eight legs tickling grimly it reaches my shoulder Then my neck it bites down…….. This

I know YWS formatting can be quite difficult, so if this is not how you meant your artwork to look, I understand. However, if this is the intended effect, I suggest mixing it up a little. Perhaps, to keep the creeping, spider-y effect, chop apart these sentences like you did with the previous part.

Otherwise, nice idea and a quick, direct poem! Good job!
Overall rating: 7/10
Keep writing!
+1

Hello!

I'm a little confused by the format of the poem. Which way do you read it? I understand the first line, of course, and the 'This is the end part'. But in what order do I read the rest?

I like your idea of death creeping up on you like a spider. It's completely true. Then it bites down on your neck and you die. I definintely understand that (not saying that I've died).

Just fix up the formatting and you'll have a lovely poem.