blue

Amazing and soooooo sad. This is such an excellent example of great writing. I love how abstract the title is, and the beginning ties to the end so beautifully. I love all the 'you don't remember's. I love the second to last stanza. just perfect. This poem could be changed to flow slightly better, but overall, I loved it. just beautiful.
I really love it.
-ChloeJoelle

Hi. Just a quick review, a few comments. I thought this was really nice peice. Just the structure alone...I think you did a nice job separating your stanza..something I suck at, myself. I think this was a simple way of putting down a sad event..also I think this simple style makes this event that was probably frantic, kind of calm and slow. Anyway, as I was reading I was looking for a kind of flow in each stanza that I didn't really get. I'm not sure if they end awkwardly or if there wasn't a general flow in the wording but maybe you want to go over that one more time. Other than that, really nice work..feel free to take a peek at my portfolio and tear me apart haha

Hello, steampowered here for a review! I feel like my poetry reviewing skills still aren’t the best, but I’m going to try really hard to leave you with some decent feedback.

Normally, I’m not a big fan of non-rhyming poems, but sometimes the poem is powerful enough, in my opinion, to not need any kind of rhyme to hold the reader’s interest. This was definitely one of those poems. I love it when poems tell a story, rather than being abstract and confusing. The story of this is very clear – the story of the precious younger sibling who’s had all kinds of difficulties and health problems from the beginning of life yet still, by some miracle, has managed to survive those challenges. It really shows humanity at its most resilient, and it’s a hopeful message (not to mention a feel-good kind of story) Great job!

I feel like the colour blue has a deeper meaning in this poem than just the kid’s favourite colour. It created a really powerful image of a tiny newborn, blue in the face and struggling to breathe, and of the misery and anguish felt by the parents. I’m guessing you picked this colour on purpose to reflect the theme of your poem, since different colours are associated with different emotions (for example, yellow with happiness, red with anger etc.)

This is just a random idea but I feel like colours would be a really good theme for poetry. Perhaps you could write more poem-stories about different colours and explore the imagery and connotations of each colour, but that’s just a suggestion which you obviously don’t have to take.

Hmm, I’m not sure if this review’s been desperately helpful but I want you to know that I really, really loved this poem, and I’d like it more than once if I could. I really don’t have any suggestions for improvement, except perhaps the fact that the first line of each stanza (with the exception of the first two stanzas) starts with “you” and why not give this more impact by doing it to the first two stanzas as well? For example:

we are skipping
hand in hand when daddy buys us both a balloon

you are skipping
hand in hand with me when daddy buys us both a balloon

but you don't remember
the hot July morning you were born into

Is the brother writing this poem? OH! Hi! Aspiring Here. I also wouldn't use the word ensued in the third stanza. It means to happen or occur after and because of the fact. It fits but doesn't fit the theme of poem. Calling the mom Mommy and using big words don't really match! The first line in the last stanza doesn't finish it just kind of peters off.

This was beautiful. I loved the last stanza especially. It was very powerful, and I liked how you coupled the favorite color being blue with the father looking up at the sky. Maybe just a few things to change:

1. Some lines felt a bit too long and they disrupted the flow a bit. Maybe take out a few words or try to simplify them a bit.
2. There were a few spelling errors. Maybe you could read over it before publishing it to check for anything like that.

Other than that, I think it was perfect. The poetry had meaning in it, and the ending was satisfying. Great job!

This was beautiful. I loved the last stanza especially. It was very powerful, and I liked how you coupled the favorite color being blue with the father looking up at the sky. Maybe just a few things to change:

1. Some lines felt a bit too long and they disrupted the flow a bit. Maybe take out a few words or try to simplify them a bit.
2. There were a few spelling errors. Maybe you could read over it before publishing it to check for anything like that.

Other than that, I think it was perfect. The poetry had meaning in it, and the ending was satisfying. Great job!