Hi! You've done a lot of reviews and I need to write a review today so I figured why not review you?
Line-by-line
1. Nice opening, very quickly sets the theme and rhythm of the poetry and tells us this is going to be either in the Shakespearean style or some kind of parody of his writing.
2. I'm not sure about the use of 'stripping' in the third line. I can sort of see what you were going for, with the idea that the sun reveals more as the day goes on or something? But as a line on its own, with no lead up, it doesn't really work. The word itself isn't particularly romantic either since it can have bad connotations. Oh - or were you going for the parable where the sun makes the girl take her coat off? I don't know the references Sodom and Gomorra (which google tells me should be Gomorrah) but a quick look up tells me enough that I think they fit the poem. Maybe instead of stripping you could use revealing or undressing?
3. The line 'Do not envy poets, some say' may flow better as 'Do not envy poets, say some'.
4.
This feels like you're saying the same thing twice? If you mean gain as in gaining admiration then I feel like that needs to be clearer. Perhaps 'knows not riches or fame' or 'Knows not riches or glory'? That would also help you avoid the awkward half rhyme you have with gain and rains which feels a bit forced.For a poet knows no riches nor gain
5. Nice ending!
Overall
I like what you have here but I feel like it's missing the balanced argument. At the moment, you have a lot of weight behind 'to not envy' and not much behind why poets should be envied. You've given us the argument of their words but what else makes them enviable? Their readiness to love, their openness with others? The variety of their lives or how they can use their words to woo lovers for themselves or dress in their own style and simply say they're being creative? I think since you evoked the Shakespearean era then you need to consider that actually in his time poets did have fame and you could make a living from it, though not always easily.
I think it would also be good to have a few examples of poets through time who've had joys or fallen on misfortune. It might even be nice to have a couple more lines in there which follow the theme of other famous writers works so this doesn't lean quite so heavily to making us think of Shakespeare. You could take a line from Dickinson like 'There's a certain slant of light' or borrow something from Browning or Heaney. I think there's a lot of room here to add more depth to this poem and to be a little more clever about it with a few more head nods to the greats and maybe more poetic devices. The personification of the sun is nice but could you build on the pathetic fallacy of the rain or maybe try some sibilance/ assonance somewhere?
Altogether a good start, but I'd like to see you do more with it. All the best!
~Heather
Points: 6235
Reviews: 2631
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