Never a tomorrow.

Again, another amazingly awesome poem. Great job!

Hi Chrissy!

I want to try and review this poem for you. My poetry reviewing skills are a little bit lacking lately, so I will keep this short and sweet if I can

What I liked about this poem was that it told a sweet story. I liked the way we learned gradually about these two people who were probably going to get married, but something terrible must've happened to them both before it could begin. In time the reader can understand that they have died for whatever reason it is, and get a picture of all the things they will never be able to experience because of what happened to them. Usually I find the idea of what if a very sad concept because it is something missed out on, and in this poem we get the impression of what if they had still been alive.

I think one thing you could experiment with a bit more could be the punctuation. Right now almost every sentence ends with a full stop. To me, that ruins the rhythm a bit more because it sounds short and blunt, and it doesn't have the poetic feel to it when read aloud. We want the lines to flow into one another so that it seems to become its own melody to itself. Remember, you don't necessarily have to have a punctuation mark at the end of every line if it isn't the end of a sentence. For example, the first stanza could become:

A breath never taken,
laughs never rung.
Words left unspoken and
Some songs never sung.

I only added the and in there to give an example of when no punctuation mark is needed, not necessarily because it fits better. But use this poem to toy around a bit, do some editing and see what suits best. As well as commas and full stops you have the colon, the dash... all wonderful punctuation marks just waiting for you to use and become inventive with.

I also felt like the subject matter of the poem was a bit vague, although good. I just wanted a bit more detail to it. Yes, we hear about these two people of who died but I was curious to know how their death came to be? It wasn't simply something natural that happened to one of them because they both ended up dead, so it had to be something significantly bigger than that. I want to know what it could've been and I am sure you would be able to find a way to bring the reader to what it is.

I get the sense of in this poem we have a lot of her and this, then his and this. His strength, her love and so on. I wanted to have it mixed up a bit more. It was very straight forward and while that is okay, it could be made into something greater by having some more description in there. In what ways could his strength have been tried? How would her love have been shown? Did she start to show her love but then ran out of time the moment her body turned cold? Remember, just with novels, in poetry readers also love to have the details which create vivid imagery in their minds. I am sure you can add some more in there and become more detailed whenever you refer to his or her something. I want to know more about the way that something would've been given or displayed.

I am going to stop there because I am not sure what else I would say. But I liked the title and thought it suited this poem perfectly, especially as the couple who died could never have the tomorrow everyone seems to assume is in store. You managed to make everything rhyme as well, which is quite a feat in itself. Rhyming poems can be so difficult sometimes ^.^

Looking forward to more of your poetry,

Deanie x

...I cried.
Just... wow.

Hey, CHRISSY here with a review!
This is beautiful! I will admit that this tok some mad skills! YAY! OK, just want to let you know, that it must have taken you while, and that you poured you heart into it- and I love people who do that! I really do! And given your age- BRAVO!!! *throw confetti* You deserve the spotlight!

One thing though I want to try and fix....

I loved how the beginning you had everything rhyme! I just wish that you could have kept that for the whole poem, but that was only minor.
There is one line though I want to point out that meant so much to me:

"Their eyes unopened.

Tears never cried.

Her step left untaken

His Strength never tried. "

It is so deep, like I would drown that deep! I almost cried *in a good way* because of the deep meaning. Kind of reminded me of like a unborn child. Maybe a accident happened, so the baby was unborn.
There were so many hidden meanings, and other beautiful things in this poem, and I just wanted to let you know! Great job! Keep Writing!

There will never be a tomorrow. NO, there would not.


There will never have a tomorrow,
That is all to see.
The light is hidden in the shadow,
That is not what we be.

Really fantastic poem,
To show the life.
To show all of them,
Light's done by the knife.

What we try and ensure,
To bring the light.
But what we assure,
It is only the night.

Your rhymes are good,
The rhythm has a flow,
This is in a certain mood,
And brings the glow.

What you should do,
Is to put more curiosity,
Put more of wonders too,
To prove the city.

Put in some mysteries,
Put in some love.
Put in some heart and pities,
As far as the whiteness of the dove.

What dove?
The dove by god and light.
What love?
The love that sings day and night.

I know your poem means trapped and done,
That is why,
Put the meanings to show everything but the sun,
Because that is why.

I hope you enjoy my review, in this case, a poem review, haha! Nobody has really done it, but I have. I just hope that you enjoyed this review and learnt something (if you did).

That's all for now,
I Reach to the sun,
Receive a bow,
From Tay01.

Wow, what a beautiful poem, PickledChrissy! It's quite the tragedy, indeed. The flow of the poem is amazing, and the way you conceived and developed it is beautiful. I can see these two people and their lives clearly. While my poems typically like to jump all over in terms of line length and rhyme, your poem is consistent in both cases, of which I'm impressed with how well you did it. It's saddening, seeing these two people that never tried, never saw, nor ever met each other, and the loneliness of how they were "betrayed in the darkness...withered and died." It's beautiful in its conception and lyrical manner, and the flow of the story. I like how you incorporated the line "Bells never rung," in reference to the wedding that would've occurred had these people met one another. All in all, I'm impressed deeply with what you've created, I find not a single thing to nitpick, and this tragic, beautiful poem is something wonderful. Great job! .

Wow! I really love this, particularly the first four stanzas. They flow so nicely and the rhyming is spot-on. The way you described all these things never happening is quite intriguing. The last two stanzas end it in a way that left me wondering (and that is definitely not a bad thing).
Really, the only things that I think could be better otherwise are the last lines of the fourth stanza and the final stanza. I think they're just a little too long and it kind of interrupts the flow. I can't really suggest anything that would help with the last line of the fourth stanza, but with the last line of the final stanza, maybe you could say, "That will have no tomorrow".
You can ignore my suggestion, if you don't think it works.
Aside from that, this is really great. I agree with Spaulds, you should consider getting it published if you haven't already.
I hope I helped in some way.

I loved you beginning "A breath never taken. Laughs never rung. Words left unspoken. Some songs never sung." because it really stood out to me. Also I liked it how the third and forth stanza was about how a girl and a boy never got together and their lives continued on without each other. One thing that I did not understand was in stanza four sentence two where it says "Her will never tried." I liked it how stanza four it was about how the girl or the guy or both mother`s have grown old and died. I liked it how in stanza six you wrote "Flew straight to their God." because there are a lot of different religions and each one probably has a different God. I loved it how in stanza 7 sentences one and two saying "But for those that remain, No memory endures." that was really good how you said that because no memory is probably left of the girl and the boy. I especially loved how you wrote the last two sentences "Of two little hearts That never will have a tomorrow." it really just touches me how two people after they have died will not have a tomorrow on earth. I really liked your work keep writing.

Wow! Really nice poetry! The Rhyming is absolutely fantastic. I will try to review it but I'm not sure I can find anything wrong with it. Ok, first off, in the first paragraph, the last line is a tad awkward to read. I would change it to something that rhymes with the first line of the paragraph if possible.
Also I think the poem would be easier to read if you added commas at the end of each line that isn't a complete sentence. Other than that it is a great poem! If you haven't already, I would seriously consider getting it published!
~Spaulds

Heya pretzelsing here for a review,
I have to say before I start that I LOVE this poem.It was touching my heart and left tears in my eyes.I usually have a tendency to not write reviews to pieces that I like but my friend recently encouraged me to write a review to a piece that I liked.
So here is my review:

During your whole poem on most of the lines you ended with a period. That is not incorrect grammatically but I think that a comma would flow way better with this visually to me as a reviewer.

This is a nitpick from this quote;

Flew straight to their God.

That never will have a tomorrow.