Flawed Child

Dear PickledChrissy,

This poem has moved me deeply. As someone who disagrees with abortion one hundred percent; this has to be one of the best poems I've read on this site. Congrats for that, because there are a lot of great writers who have posted stuff!

I have to admit that my favorite part of the whole story was the first stanza. It shows the beautiful relationship between a mother and her baby who is yet to be born; but is still definitely alive!

The point of view of the poem is quite unique. It shows that the baby is human, though small, has feelings.

The shorter lines are perfect. A baby isn't normally like Shakespeare, with words no one can always understand, but simple and to the point. You have captured this wonderfully!

The baby uses uncomplicated words, has a tiny body but still a soul, has big feelings and a heart! And he she or he is left wondering; what have I done wrong for my own mother to not love me?

I like the part:
``Won`t you even try?``

Beautiful.

-Rose

This is a beautiful poem. <3

Your poem was sad but heartfelt. I praise you for that. It flowed well in the beginning, but nearing the end it started to lack that crystal-smooth gliding-ness on my tongue. If it was me, I would have restrained from using puncuation, because it may affect your reader's rhythm. Also, you can help the flow by matching the syllables in the lines. The way that you ended each stanza came to my attention, too. I liked it. Thanks for the read.

This is deep! loved it really, the way you put up with all the emotions in such a perfect way! This is great piece of writing and i love the ending of course! Good Luck for your future writes.

Deep. Really deep.

I'll get this out of the way before I give my personal opinion on the poem, a good opinion don't worry, but I've never seen a poem with five lines and rhymed so oddly. It's a good kind of odd because it set up some things well and told the meaning behind it in what I can call a zigzag pattern. The rhyming scheme was neat, great and it was incorporated well.

As for what I thought about it, it was a really great poem because I feel like I've been in a situation like this at one point. The ending section was a great closer to it and it makes me wish there was more. Thanks for writing this, it's great.

First of all let me say that your poem is really good. I did not see any grammar issues. I really loved the ending where you say

Won't you even try?

Hello there

Despite the fact that this poem is quite sad and deals with a topic under much criticism and conflict-inducing discussion, I thought that it was very good. Since people often use the argument that life has already begun when a child is developing in the womb and that it is therefore unjust to have an abortion, it makes it interesting to find a literature work that takes that concept and allows the reader to get into the child's perspective and see as they would.

I like the length of your lines in the stanza's, the shorter they are with lesser amount of words helps to create a greater impact in my opinion and helps the poem to get a sort of punching tempo to it which adds to the context and the intention you were trying to convey. I also like the rhyming and word usage.

Good luck with your future writing endeavors and well done on writing an interesting piece of poetry.