Soul has been suffering ever since..
Sole Purpose upon nothing what is amiss?
Destroyer of Destruction up on the highest hilltop
At the crest who would have guessed
a man who appears no different from the rest,
But as the rivers of tears flood down from his eyes
What ever it may be, what the others fail to recognize
The Fire in his heart that has been extinguished
The Light in his mind that has been Relinquished
What has become of his once mighty self became victim to theft..
His sole purpose is~All I Got Left..
Everyone's Got Something to Give. Even You.
Never Let Anyone Tell You Different.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,609 Literary Works • 672,052 Reviews
"The Fire in his heart that has been extinguished
The Light in his mind that has been Relinquished" i particularly liked this stanza in the poem as itreally conveyed the persons emotions. as if something dear and vitally important had been taken from this person. bthe way in which you have written it, made me feel a deep pain. I hope this is what you wanted me to feel, beacuse you mastered the art of controlling emotions, just like most writers in this society have done.
This poem needs some structure help also, but not as much.
Good use of ellipsis, but ellipsis need three dots.
The structure of that first sentence suggests that Soul is the music instead of the spirit Soul, which is a little confusing for me consider we're talking about the soul of a man's only purpose, but I'll let that go. Capitalization, while it is great for creating and showing stressed words, we need some consistency in English and you've broken it repeatedly and uniquely.
There are some cases when this is alright, like when something is becoming a mythological creature, like Death being used as a person who can walk around and kill people, or take them with him. This means Purpose should really be lowercase. It is just a word, it is not a thing that is running away in this poem, even though it is missing. It is 'amiss' instead of 'hiding' so work on that. Also, if you're going to capitalize the first letter of every first word of a line, then do so consistently. the only first letter of a sentence that isn't capitalized is A, that bothers me.
The Fire in his heart suggests that fire is a person, and has a heart and fire is a new character in this poem who doesn't really seem to be related even though it has been extinguished. Same thing is going on with Light. If you don't capitalize the points, then you'll have the 'him' mentioned be the man who's soul we were originally almost talking about if the first word wasn't soul, but His.
At the bottom of the poem, just use 'these' or "these" instead of capitalizing every word. that will make it a lot less bothersome and more grammatically understandable. <3
If you do these changes quickly, you might get some content reviewers for Review Day, woot!
If you have questions, or want something else from me, just shoot me a PM. It's been nice seeing two of your things to compare. I like this one better.
Hello Philo here I am for a review that may be a bit to small I hope it helps some.
OK the way you wrote soul its like soul is a guys name or something and when I was half way tough it I could not connect the two half's they are a bit muddled.
And a bunch of words at the end have a capitalized word in them.
Good work otherwise I really hope that this very small review helped.
Keep writing and good luck.
I hope you had a good Easter.
~Jon~