We can lay swords to rest, yet shields are to rise.
In my defense, at your expense-
~Retaliation~
A faulty reason in disguise.
Wonder the difference.
For resistance I feel wise. Will they listen?
Seldom respect for compromise.
It hurts to be lesser,
~Competition~
Oh the pressure,
Fiery ambition glistens in my eyes.
Can’t suppress anger, aggress now danger, Regret? Guilt? The beast defeats tamer..
Demons speak poison within my mind, I feel weak, My decisions already designed,
No courage to pray, they dismay and discourage-
The answers I can’t find.
This instinct to survive feels so malicious-
Am I viscious?
~Impervious~
Won’t unwind.
I’m lost. Can’t hide.
My good heart overwhelmed by their persistence, but I won't abide.
These symptoms possess my being.
Nonetheless - what manifests - such pride?
This path to prove prowess feels wrong. Whence I came carries such a vibrant song.
Can’t but contemplate my fate-when I sleep and am to wake..
Pray to be strong, as well the endurance to move along,
~Realize~
“At ease” I implore, sore wounds heal, now to restore,
~Peace~
Who am I? I ask no more. Who I am, I now adore.
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140,804 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
THREE FOR THREE!~
Alright, so in this one I'm going to focus on the lyrical aspect of the poem. The pace is awkward to try to sing. I tried. It almost feels like it's supposed to be a rock concert, monotone and shouted, but the words are gentle and sweet. I guess the reason is because I am having a hard time finding a beat through the poem.
To begin with the beat is stress, unstressed, but retaliation kind of breaks that up and then it flips, unstressed, stressed, and that just breaks things up too awkwardly from the start. Try to remain consistent with what you start on.
Further down near the middle, we have oh the, well both of them are unstressed in how I understand them, so that makes me even more confused. Singing it, as it is a lyrical poem and thus should be able to be sung, is difficult.
As for your punctuation, I'll stop eating at you about it, but I don't like the use of ~~ although you do have better sentence structure in this one and it does make it a lot easier to read.
I would suggest stretching your legs, try other types of poetry, such as structured things like sonnets and villanelles. I feel like it could really help you play with line breaks and give you a new place to play with your poetry. I hope to see how you improve.
Hello, I think this kind of lyrical poetry is simply one of a kind from the others that I have read. I mean there is some tiny things that I kind of didn't understand but after thinking about them a bit more I understood. I think that you chose very good wording & really captivated the main message you were trying to convey. I hope to read more of your work to come.
Thanks so very much. Your comment is truly uplifting. With my poetry rhyming is essential, so it may be more of a challenge to convey a message of any sort. Thanks for the read and of course there will be more to come
Hello here I am jordin for a review for you I really hope it helps you out some.
first of I am not quit sure what is wrong with your poetry but the lines are to big.
You should read some of the other poetry its OK but I like your rimes grammar and spelling.
O and if you have the problem with being mine let me know I can fix it.
Keep writing and good luck I hope you had a good Easter.
~Jon~
The lyrical element to this poem becomes very prominent in the middle of it. Shortening the lines right there I feel would subtract from message and overall piece. I love traditional poetry and write some myself, but this is a more fast paced read. Thanks for the feedback.