Grey clouds block the sun.
Thunder rumbles above
sounding like angels bowling.
See the bright flashes in the distance;
Lightn.ing, cracking the silence.
Then the sky opens up.
Fat drops of rain hail down,
splatting against the tan bricks of the school.
Light grey cement turns dark.
Feel the moist air on your taste buds.
The wind slapping at your face,
feeling like a thousand bee stings.
The chill of the air going though clothes;
Freezing your bones, making you shiver,
like winter come early, your ice cold.
Droplets of rain dripping off your lashes,
a curtain blurring your vision.
A vision of the storm raging before you.
A thunderstorm
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,796 Reviews
Hey! Dogs here for a review!
First off, I really liked this poem. I just noticed a few nitpicks here and there which I will state below.
Here are some things I noticed that you should probably think about fixing...
1)
"Burrling" should be changed to "blurring." I stumbled across this word confused, then I realized, you most like meant blurring.
2)
"Lightening" should be lightning.
The only other thing I noticed was that you had some fairly fast transitions in this poem.
That's about for mistakes.
Overall your piece is very good, and honestly all the mistakes are small things like spelling errors that can easily be fixed.
Anyway I really loved this poem, it was so good.
Thunderstorms are definitely not my favorite thing, to be honest I hate thunderstorms, but I really loved this poem about them. Anyway....
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs
Thank you and I'm glad you liked it! I personally love thunderstorms.
I don't know. I've never liked them. I don't like really loud sounds. Like big booms like the thunder. I love the rain and the lighting, but it's the thunder and the big booms that freak me out. It's sort of like fireworks. My family and I go with neighbors to watch fireworks from far away (still a great view) because me and my friend are both afraid of big booming sounds! XD I also don't like thunderstorms because sometimes they create a lot of high winds. And the tree in my backyard, I'm always afraid it might fall (even though it's strong and most likely won't XD), but if the tree falls it falls on my bedroom XD! So yeah.
Anyway your poem was so amazing, it really shows you like thunderstorms!
Thank you and I'm not fan of fireworks either if I am honest.
Breaking rules with? :p
Maybe so!
*Looks at friend and chuckles*
Haha *laughs mysteriously*
Haha! Me and my friends are so like that. XD
Same!
Haha
XD
Hiya Oreo--I'm dropping by for a review of your poem!
Your imagery is vivid--I can easily imagine myself standing right there. I honestly haven't read so much poems engaging many senses here. It is beautiful; your similes are imaginative and powerful. I feel like this is a snapshot of the storm, and I think you captured it well.
But the lines were rather jarring. For example,
The transition jumps so quickly I can't have a moment to fully immerse myself before jumping to the next part. (Not too important if you have stanzas.) There's no need to stay in a single moment for a long time, but maybe I'd like to linger in that moment for a little longer before jumping to the next part. And I honestly don't really see what's the last line for. I believe it's be stronger if you didn't include it.
For some nitpicks here,
Is "bowling" "bawling"? And
should be
perhaps?
If you have stanzas, you can use "Shift-Enter" for single-spaced lines or include an extra line between stanzas. Your imagery was great but I prefer to have some smoother flow. Thanks for posting this and I hope you have a great day!
Thank you and your review was appreciated!
I'm glad you liked it!
Great poem! I have nothing to add or suggestions to make.
.
.
"See the bright flashes on the distance;
Lightening, cracking the silence.
Then the sky opens up."
I like this verse the best.
What I love most is the way the poem flows. It's a little halting, but I like that, it's so deliberate. I think it adds some to the poem.
Keep writing!
Thank you! And you actually made me see I made a spelling error too! It's suppose to be in the distance not on so thanks!
I'm glad you liked it.