Insecurity

Heya, OreosAreLife! Casanova here to do a review!

I know I've promised reviews in the past and never got around to them, so I'm going through and reviewing now. Hope that's okay! I'll be taking this piece by piece

"I'm too fat," she says,

So she starts starving herself.

"I'm too skinny," she says,

So she starts gorging on food.

"I'm too ugly for her," he says

So he changes his look.

"I'm too dumb to do this," he says,

So he cheats off his neighbor.

"I'm not important, " they say,

So they start cutting.

"I'm worthless, a nobody," they say,

They start having suicidal thoughts.

This was very good, I have seen these before but this was something that related to everyone, and every problem.
I don't have any errors to correct but I really wanted to thank you for making this peice.
The most important part that spoke to me was "I'm not important" so she cuts herself. I struggled with self harm for a while. I have permanent scars on my body from when I hated myself the most. The idea of this poem to me is to prove people wrong. They are not fat, dumb, worthless. They are important. I really like the message you portray.
One other thing is to maybe add a trigger warning in the beginning, or in the notes. This may shock people and well, trigger them.
But overall great piece.
Keep writing ~Whosabell

This was very good, I have seen these before but this was something that related to everyone, and every problem.
I don't have any errors to correct but I really wanted to thank you for making this peice.
The most important part that spoke to me was "I'm not important" so she cuts herself. I struggled with self harm for a while. I have permanent scars on my body from when I hated myself the most. The idea of this poem to me is to prove people wrong. They are not fat, dumb, worthless. They are important. I really like the message you portray.
One other thing is to maybe add a trigger warning in the beginning, or in the notes. This may shock people and well, trigger them.
But overall great piece.
Keep writing ~Whosabell

Hey @OreosAreLife,
May I start off by saying that this was really good and very touching.

"I'm too fat," she says,

So she starts starving herself.

"I'm too skinny," she says,

So she starts gorging on food.

This was the first thing that stood out to me (and not only because it's the first stanza). I've dealt with an eating disorder and these lines are very accurate and real.

"I'm too ugly for her," he says

So he changes his look.

"I'm too dumb to do this," he says,

So he cheats off his neighbor.

~

"I'm not important, " they say,

So they start cutting.

"I'm worthless, a nobody," they say,

They start having suicidal thoughts.

~

Insecurity

~

Nobody's perfect

In their own eyes.

~

But you are important.

Don't think otherwise.

~

Don't let anyone tell you differently.

The whole overall message is very deep, real, and impactful. Great job, keep up the good work!

Hey @AshleyDashley,

This was immediately impactful. You send a deep and much needed message. This was so full of truth.


"I'm too fat," she says,

So she starts starving herself.

"I'm too skinny," she says,

So she starts gorging on food.


This spoke to me, as I struggled with an eating disorder when I was much younger. Body dysmorphia is so common, and difficult to overcome. Your observation, I gather, is that anyone could be going through this.


"I'm too ugly for her," he says

So he changes his look.

"I'm too dumb to do this," he says,

So he cheats off his neighbor.

~

"I'm not important, " they say,

So they start cutting.

"I'm worthless, a nobody," they say,

They start having suicidal thoughts.


The only gentle suggestion I have here lays within the last two lines. When I read it, your rhythm gets bumped slightly with "...they say, /They start having suicidal thoughts." I think it might be the repetition of 'they'?


Insecurity

~

Nobody's perfect

In their own eyes.

~

But you are important.

Don't think otherwise.

~

Don't let anyone tell you differently.



I thought this was an elegant ending to a well written and meaningful poem. Thank you for sharing this, Ashley. You have the ability to relate with your audience, a valuable gift for a writer, and I thoroughly loved this piece.

As always, great work!

Looking forward to more of your poetry!

-mav

Mavis Knightley
www.mavisknightley.weebly.com

Hi Ashley! Rose here for a review! Hope you use these tips for the future.

Just warning you I'm in school so this may not be as good of a review as I wish

First things first, the message of this is beautiful and lovely. The concept of this was a good message than honestly needs to be sent across to others more often. I have personally have recently accepted my body and myself for who I am after battling with depression and insecurity for the longest time.

Let's get started shall we? I'm going to do the first 3 stanzas first since they are all alike.

-

"I'm too fat," she says,

So she starts starving herself.

"I'm too skinny," she says,

So she starts gorging on food.

~

"I'm too ugly for her," he says

So he changes his look.

"I'm too dumb to do this," he says,

So he cheats off his neighbor.

~

"I'm not important, " they say,

So they start cutting.

"I'm worthless, a nobody," they say,

They start having suicidal thoughts.

-

This gets really repetitive and can get really boring to read. Although it is a good idea, maybe change it up a bit. And since "so" is the beginning of the line but not the beginning of the sentence, it's best to lowercase it. Though some people choose to uppercase it for the style of the poem. But for this case, it is best to lowercase it.
Other than that, these stanzas are wonderfully made.

Now for the second "half" of the poem

You put the word "insecurity" as it's own stanza, and I honestly believe that wasn't a good idea. Adding it with other lines would make the poem flow better and make reading and/or reviewing it much easier.

-

Nobody's perfect

In their own eyes.

~

But you are important.

Don't think otherwise.

-

I feel as if you should have combined these lines to make a nice stanza that will make it nicer to read.

That's all. In conclusion, The message and the grammar was beautifully made. The only thing I would recommend is not being repetitive and making the poem flow nicer, which is something we all struggle doing when writing poetry.

Keep up the good work! Have a good day. Hope you enjoy this review and the lil tips

Hi there, it's Gymnast2801 here with a review!

Wow, I really love this! I love how you put out a nice, true, message saying that although you might find the little nitpicks of yourself really horrible, others don't. Love the message.

I have one question though:
"I'm not important," they say,
So they start cutting.

Maybe this is something I don't know about (being homeschooled, I don't know about things sometimes) but I don't understand what 'start cutting' means? This isn't really a correction so much as a question from me.

Uh, otherwise I didn't really find anything that need fixing. Great job on your poem, again, I love the message, and keep on writing!

~Gymnast2801.