I feel the pulse of electromagnetic power go though my body. It hurts, but I cannot scream in pain. My mouth is taped shut. I try and break free to run from the pain, but I cannot. I'm tied down to the table. All I can see above me a people in green masks and gloves and a bright light. I close my eyes not wanting to see what else they will do to me. Instead I go back to the day I was taken. I rewind in my head and try and think of what I did to deserve this. I can't come up with anything. I didn't do anything.
"Get rid of her. Nothing more can be done. She's a failure" says one of the green masked people.
"But we have come so far with her. She has out passed all the others" replies another.
"No, can't you see? She is not improving. Nothing is coming from her. We have been wasting our time on her. We can gain nothing. She is useless to us now. " the first one says
"Whatever you say. But I still think you are making a big mistake letting her go." states the second voice.
"Who said I was letting her go? I'm getting rid of her." the first voice laughs.
It is silent after that for some time, but then I feel the ties being loosened on my arms and legs. The tape was ripped off my mouth and I whimper in pain. Someone lifted me off the table and the bright light was gone. Now all I saw was white ceiling. My whole body hurt and felt like it was on fire. I could do nothing about it. It is some time before I hear a door open and feel the change in the air against my skin. I can tell by the change in color of the ceiling that we were in a different room. The hallway ceiling was a snow white, white, while this one is more of a gray-white. I feel myself getting laid on a bed. I do nothing to stop as they prepare it put more chemicals in me. I do not care, I only want the pain to end. I close my eyes and the world goes black. No white ceiling, no green masked people, no nothing. It is bliss. I feel a prick on my arm and suddenly the world is no more. Sound, sight, and smell are gone, or is it that I am gone from the world? I do not know, only that I am falling into oblivion.
Then the pain comes.
End of chapter
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140,635 Literary Works • 673,572 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Welll...this was a title that really caught my eye and well I was not disappointed with that prologue at all. It definitely managed to catch my attention and do it very well and very quickly, this is a really intense scene to put in a prologue and well, that means this does check most of the boxes you expect from a prologue.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oh dear...well that's certainly a very powerful note to get things started...not entirely sure what electromagnetic things have to do with this, as a nerd through and through, I'm wondering maybe if you just meant electricity flowing through her causing...you know...electrocuting people for torturing is something that gets done but I've never heard of electromagnetics things used to torture people. At any rate electromagnetism isn't something that'll flow through you, that's a different story entirely...okay I'll stop before I nerd out too much here...but at any rate, I love this start, it certainly gets your attention and does it very well.
Well...that's a very interesting statement, looks like some sort of experiment is being run through this person here...and well...certainly is very mysterious to see what these two folks might be arguing about here.
When someone says a line like that and then proceeds to laugh you know something truly horrible is about to happen and someone is about to get killed...oh dear...well this prologue is certainly not pulling any punches at all, and I love that.
Hmm...loving the description from the person's POV there, you really get a good sense for just how horribly she's being treated at the moment, and you get a sense of the fear that comes with that kind of situation, also just the sheer confusion that she seems to be suffering from here, it looks like the place is meant for a bit of sensory deprivation as well, which adds even more intrigue to this. And then of course you mention chemicals, even more things to be interested in...xD
Aaand a truly powerful last line there to end the prologue...now that is quite an awesome one...this could even make for a great first chapter this one...but it certainly does its job as a prologue.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I think this would make for a really awesome start to a story..if this was the prologue, I would definitely frantically turn the pages to find out how this plays into the main story...it does its job really well and there's just that one nitpick regarding physics,
cause I'm a nerd and I can't help itbut yeah...this was a pretty awesome prologue.As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Heya, OreosAreLife! Casanova here to do another review!
The first thing I noticed was these lines right here-
Now, I've had my duct taped. You can still scream through it, although it may seem a bit muffled. I would suggest something more along the lines of,"I screamed against the duct tape that covered my mouth." it also takes out the rather blunt line,"My mouth was duct taped." which seems like a bland description. Anyway, onward.
I've never heard the phrase out passed before, and it had me wondering if you were trying for surpassed but didn't know how to correctly add it.
Overall for a chapter one this seemed rather lacking. We have people seemingly torturing someone, but we don't really get anywhere with it. There's not much if /any/ character description, and the plot doesn't really get anywhere. I think you have a rather good idea in what you're wanting to do, I think you just need to play around with different ways to execute it. Messing around with the characters, drawing things out, playing with emotions and dialogue. These are all good ways to further your plot, and I could see this going far.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope I helped even a little.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Your friend, Matt
Thanks for the review Matt! You brought more insight to what I could do to make this better!
Hey there, OreosAreLife, I'm here to review.
I love oreos, by the way.
I try and break free to run from the pain, but I cannot.
I don't understand how someone can run from pain. You could run from the thing causing the pain, but not the pain itself, right? Maybe think about rewording this sentence.
"Get rid of her. Nothing more can be done. She's a failure" says one of the green masked people.
You've missed the comma in a few dialogue sentences. At the end of the speech, before the speech mark, you need a comma. Example: "She's a failure," says...
I close my eyes and the world goes black. No white ceiling, no green masked people, no nothing. It is bliss.
This part stands out to me. The descriptions, and then the bliss, it was easy for me to jump into the scene and imagine myself there. I also loved your final sentence of the prologue, 'then the pain comes,' it leaves me wanting to read on and find out just what this pain feels like. I hope you keep writing this!
The minute I read the first sentence, I was hooked, and it only got worse as I kept on reading. Now you have me dying to see what happens! I'll keep an eye out for more. Keep on writing!
Thank you! I'll be sure to let you know when I post chapter 1! I'm glad you liked it!:)
*Drops from ceiling* Good day, 'Lias here, just Roman around to drop a review!
DANG, I'm caught! That's it. No running away from this. I'm in too deep in my curiosity to turn back now.
I like the beginning. It makes us VERY curious about what's up. The only thing that I would improve about it, is perhaps you could describe it just a bit better? I get that there's an electromagnetic power going through her body. But where is it coming from? How does it get inside her? Why? If you're going to end up describing this later in fuller detail, then please disregard everything I say.
Second of all, is the dialogue. I like how you get straight to the point, no preamble. A lot of writers (me included), struggle with that a lot. This is a gift! However, it sounds a slight bit unnatural. For instance. Instead of saying "you are", perhaps conjoin them to make "you're".
I also like the closing paragraph. You portray the protagonist's confusion very well, and you make us scared as well, even if the reader is doing something ridiculous like... laying on the couch, drinking tea in their PJ's, and listening to the Little Einstein's theme. You also SUPER confuse us with the last couple sentences, which I like a whole lot.
In case you didn't get this earlier, please drop me a line whenever you update!
Just keep swimming,
-'Lias
I will and thank you for the review! I'm glad you liked it! And yes I will explain in more detail what all happens in the room later on in the chapters.
Yay! Thank ye' kindly!
I'm going to publish it soon.