Shadow

Hello @ObserverxD ! It's @Sylar here from the Earth Benders to review your poem on this fine review day

I'm going to review by stanza.

Where did you come from?

Tell me, and let your words ring true.

I've dug, looked and turned,

But never seen a shade like you.

You stare, when I ain't looking,

With eyes both red and blue.

Why do you sleep on my window?

And block the sun from coming through.

I've tried to wash you away,

Savagely, force you off my window pane.

Wiped, scrubbed, prayed and cried,

But it's my hands, now they bear the stain.

You have tainted all my water,

Ravenously ate my fingers to the bone.

Griping stronger and stronger, you grow

Even more so, when I'm alone.

Whispering like a soft breeze,

You tell me stories of your home.

And how you'll go back to it,

Whenever my eyes are closed.

My water, sun or tears,

They can't harm you, not at all.

For your home is not my window,

It's my eyes, heart and soul.

Definitely one of the best poems I've read on this site.

It's written with such passion and creativity. The image of struggle is depicted in such a realistic way as if you took a brush and painted it. You've made it completely vivid and alive. Your desperate attempts to remove the shadow and thus becoming the shadow itself are the true image of pain.

"For your home is not my window,
It's my eyes, heart and soul."

The Shadow is true, everlasting, immortal and forever.

Extremely well written!
Kajka

A brilliantly constructed description of a hallucination! I must say, this chilled me to the bone, but also gave me a newfound appreciation for well-constructed imagery. This was terrifying, but also profound in a way, particularly in the narrator's realization of the truth, vividly showcased in your final stanza.

Though I'm not entirely sure if a person undergoing such a debilitating psychotic episode would retain the lucidity to make the distinction between reality and imagination, but technicalities aside the last stanza added a whole new dimension to the poem, which I quite liked, even if it wasn't altogether realistic. Besides, with things like this, you can't really say what's possible and what's not, unless you have experienced it yourself, so one interpretation is as good as another.

I liked that you kept the rhyme scheme and stanza formation quite simple, as it left the reader free to concentrate on the actual gist of the poem, without being distracted by trivial ornamentation. The superficial simplicity of the poem makes the depth of its contents even more striking by contrast. The middle stanza, particularly, has some truly exceptional imagery. You capture with absolute perfection the desperate anguish of the narrator, her sense of trapped helplessness.

You have tainted all my water,

Ravenously ate my fingers to the bone.

Griping stronger and stronger, you grow

Even more so, when I'm alone.

I really liked this poem, and I think you did a very good job with the form, and the rhyming-pattern, it gives your poem a strong flow.

You have done very well with your words and imagery in the poem, and your sentence-structure and use of words is very poetic.

I have to agree with "Collideascope" that the use of "ain't" in [You stare, when I ain't looking,] doesn't fit with the feeling of the poem, nor does it match the very poetic language you use in the rest of the poem. Here you could just as well substitute it with, [You stare, when I'm not looking,] it matches the form, and doesn't strain the flow.

I really like your ending, and I like your use of a triad in the last line, to me it just really closes off the poem, and has just the right form and rhythm to be a perfect ending.

All in all a really well-written poem with amazing imagery as well as amazing form and flow.

Thanks for sharing

Hey,

This is a really interesting poem. First off nice job with punctuation. As for little nitpicks, in your line "You stare, when I ain't looking" I feel like ain't doesn't really belong here. Next nitpick "Why do you sleep on my window?
And block the sun from coming through."
This confuses me because you have a question mark at the first line, but then a period on the next, even tho it is still part of the question. It should look like this,
"Why do you sleep on my window,
And block the sun from coming through?"
Aside from this however I really enjoyed reading this. It was well written and clearly holds alot of emotion. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Sincerely,
Collideascope

This is deep. At least for me it is. I bet many people can relate to this. I love how it's written, with description in the right places.