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E - Everyone

Me

by ObserverxD


"ME"

In the beginning there were only him and me. We lived in harmony. He was shackled in his dark little room, chained with thick iron bindings, put away behind soundproof walls from where his voice was nothing more than a weak whisper that went unnoticed. And there was ME a child of the surface world, free and unbound, curious and naive. I was in the sun feeling the world I had hopes and dreams I was human. All this time he sat in his prison, hating, regreting. He was an abomination a mixture of many notion: demonic, beastial as well as human. He was angry and unpredictable. He was an inteligent realist trapped in the prison of both his self-pity and his loneliness. I laughed while he grinned savagely.

There were times when these walls got thinner maybe even cracked, and his voice and will slipped through and combined with my own. But those times were rare, and easily neglected. When my heart cracked for the first time I remember hearing the echo : " There's nothing for you there". But as time passed I bounced back and quickly returned to the sun. He, however, stayed motionless in his chamber. Motionless but never unconscious . I jumped around on the surface of this world. I felt as if it was made for me. As if the world is mine for the taking. I smilled and stared in the sky through eyes drunk with youth. His eyes were red and at home in darkness, they saw more.

Time went on and I grew. I changed. Saw the world a bit differently but I didn't let that get to me. I figured that it is normal. Everybody's perspective changes a bit with the years. It was natural and therefore (in my eyes) it was good. At this time of my life his dark room got a window. A very small window, but a window nonetheless. I could see him, staring at me. Grining , with the expression that was saying "I told you so". But I drew curtains over his window and he became a non-factor once again.

"Why are people this ignorant?" I wondered. Most of them can barely call themself induviduals. They are like a fucking herd of mindless cattle. Sponges of the mass media. It's a good thing not all of them are like that isn't it? It can't be? Is this really the true face of the world, is this really what we fight for to live in? (I thought all this was my monologue. But at that time someone else joined in)

"You must be desperate" he said "Asking me for answers". I was stunned. He spoke to me. I mean I could sense and vaguely hear him earlier. BUt this. THis was an open communication. I muttered " Errm Can you go back to your room please?" My eyes stopped at the remainings of the ripped chains on his arms. THe chains that use to bind him to place. " No can do sunshine" he grined "I'm here to stay "

"Why? Why now?" I was intriged but less scared.He replied "Come on man, you are naive but not that stupid are you? Besides we have been best buds for quite some time now weren't we? "

And then it hit me. It slaped me on the face. It shook my world to its foundation. Who was I seeing in the mirror for the past years? Me? or Him? When did this happened? When did we start looking so alike? Is this really the first time we were talking? Or was my whole life a conversation with him? A debate. A never ending debate between the two of us. Just the two of us. The world? There is no such thing, even if it was. We don't need it. World can hurt you, world can break you if you open too much. I write this in my little black room watching the reality from my litle narrow window. And I'm grinning. I'm chained here because of my own will. I see more from here than those who bathe in the sun. There is no we anymore, only I.


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Points: 308
Reviews: 6

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Wed Nov 26, 2014 5:45 pm
Kajka wrote a review...



Hey ObserverxD,

first of all I have to say there are a few grammar errors and some typos that bother me a tiny tad. Such as "THe" and "THis"; also "When did this happened?". You can say "When did this happen?" or go with past perfect tense and say "When had this happened?" but "When did this happened?" just won't work.

I had to get that out of my system.

Now, for the story. The images of contrast and opposite sides are extremely vividly and clearly written. I see a young man growing up and not having a single care in his life, just loving and taking life for what it is and his blindness for everything foul and wrong is incredible. On the other hand from his birth he knew he wasn't alone. With his age, his mirrored image also grew. He always knew something was missing but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. The more he aged the more the "divider" between them became non-existent. He started seeing the world for what it really is and began to realize the foul things more clearly. The writers biggest fear is coming to be, upon his realization that both individuals are about to become a single person. And it's terrifying. And it's Life.

Great work mate!
Kajka




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Wed Nov 26, 2014 5:44 pm
Kajka says...






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Sat Mar 15, 2014 2:00 am
BluesClues wrote a review...



This is interesting. The writing itself could use some polishing but there are two main things I want to focus on.

1) The narrator says, "in the beginning there were only him and me," spends most of the story focusing on the narrator (even though we are certainly aware of the other presence in the story), and then ends with "no we anymore, only I."

I like that last line, except that I feel it would be more powerful if the narrator and the other character were less separated in the beginning. Because the last line--like, there never really was a we, if you get my meaning, because the two characters were so separated from each other. I mean--I get that the separation is the reason there is a we, but "we" symbolizes a togetherness, just as "I" does--just a togetherness of more than one person. The "I" in this story is a more powerful symbol of togetherness, because now the two characters are essentially the same person whereas before they had distinct personalities.

I could go on explaining this, but I think I'll just end up going in circles. I hope I've explained it clearly enough...I know what I mean but I feel like I might've just confused you a lot.

2) You start and end with a certain narrative voice, but somewhere in the middle that kind of changes. I understand this is partly a social commentary, but it was awfully jarring to hear phrases like "mass media" and "fucking" and "come on, man" in the middle of a piece that also involved a chained-up, hidden-away "demonic, bestial" being and a "child of the surface world." I'd stick more with that voice and less with the modern slang--I think it works better with the images of the story, and the point you're trying to make.

Blue



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ObserverxD says...


Thank you for your opinion I apreciate it. I'm still kinda new to this to be honest. My idea was to descibe my inner conflict. Between me- who was enthusiastic and younger , and me - Who became a sarcastic realist. So the way the other one speaks, was supposed to show how he has changed and what has life done to him.
Well anyway thank you for this review.It will help me in my future work ^^
Cheers,
ObserverxD



BluesClues says...


You're very welcome! Any time.



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Sat Mar 15, 2014 1:19 am
fallenoutofgrace wrote a review...



Hello fallen here to review your work lets get started shall we?
First off I love your word choice and I very much enjoyed the " hter was you and me" pretty much what all teens in love feel the world fading to just the two and the birds sing their names. You captured the fades to the two of you perfectly. And I enjoyed the twist in where he becomes a controlling ( the experts will say abusive) It was just very entertaining and you are extremely good in driving your point and keeping the reader capvivated. keep it up :3
~fallen



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ObserverxD says...


Dear fallenoutofgrace thanks for the review.
However I must tell you that this story has nothing to do with teenage love:))) It's about two alter egos fighting for control. Anyways thanks for reviewing.^^
Best wishes,
ObseverxD





Aww Thanks for that I apologize for my miss interpcation. But thank you for clearing that up.


Random avatar
ObserverxD says...


No dont think like that! I was the one who was mistaken. If your intepretation was like it was I shoul have accepted it like a posible version of my story. I had no right to question what you have seen in my work...and for that I'm sorry, Please forgive me ...:)




Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.
— Helen Keller