It's been a while since you have posted, but it's always a good time whenever you post! So this isn't a review but I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed the poem and can't wait to read the next one! I do owe you a review though.
Most circumvent this hollow shell of mine,
A decrepit vessel not by choice.
Until like tributaries, you meandered into my heart,
And like a Siren enchanted me with your voice.
--
Lilacs sashay across my mind,
Through the isolation and the fear.
Cynicism devolves into happiness for once
And it’s all due to you my Dear.
--
Your auburn hair takes my breath away;
I could not foresee beauty so fine.
Your slender hips and lips ready to kiss,
Are nothing less than Divine.
--
Like a flower just starting to bloom,
Your demure demeanor makes me smile,
Oh, how I wish to see you soon:
To hold you for a long while.
--
To stare into the eyes of the Sun,
A modern Icarus in the making.
But instead of falling into the sea,
I’d fall into your arms no mistaking.
It's been a while since you have posted, but it's always a good time whenever you post! So this isn't a review but I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed the poem and can't wait to read the next one! I do owe you a review though.
Eternity here~
Hello! I don't normally review poetry, but here goes!
I really like this poem, heh! It's very touching in it's own kind of way. I do like it a lot. All I really see is punctuation errors that threw me off a little:
Most circumvent this hollow shell of mine,
A decrepit vessel not by choice.
Until like tributaries, you meandered into my heart,
And like a Siren enchanted me with your voice.
--
Lilacs sashay across my mind,
Through the isolation and the fear.
Cynicism devolves into happiness for once(COMMA),
And it’s all due to you my Dear.
--
Your auburn hair takes my breath away; (Hmm, perhaps this could simply be a comma. I don't think it needs to be a semi-colon)
I could not foresee beauty so fine.
Your slender hips and lips ready to kiss,
Are nothing less than Divine.
--
Like a flower just starting to bloom,
Your demure demeanor makes me smile,
Oh, how I wish to see you soon:
To hold you for a long while.
--
To stare into the eyes of the Sun, (? I dont think sun has to be capital here)
A modern Icarus in the making.
But instead of falling into the sea,
I’d fall into your arms no mistaking.
Wow. I loved this. It was very adorable. I couldn't find anything wrong with it. So good job on that! Please keep writing! It was an amazing piece. And I really hope to read more from you. Like I said before, Keep writing! I strongly encourage you to write more! You really seem to know what you are doing. It's amazing on how creative your mind can be. You seem to know what you're writing about. And I really loved this. Like I did say before, I really do (very strongly) Encourage you to write more. Yea, this is a short poem. Yet when I read this, I thought to myself, "This person could write so much more. They could write a book!" And yes, I do strongly encourage you to write a book. I believe in you!
Have the best day possible!
~Ash Perdew
P.S. PM me if you need anything. And I mean anything. Need advice? I'm here! Want someone to talk to? I'm here! I'm usually on every weekend. From 8 am to about 3-4 am. Weekdays are from 5 to 9 pm. PLEASE KEEP WRITING!
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