Limbo

HEY THERE!

Well this was cool! i really enjoyed reading it... the way it flowed is awseome. and the word choice, well hatts off for that. words like eden and ambiguity- i dont see them around usually, i guess thats why your poem seemed so good to me and i guess thats why i'm reviewing it right now. personally there isnt a single think that i would replace. this work of yours is really perfect and has zero grammatical or spelling errors.
so yeah, basically i loved your work and am hoping to see more of them in the future, untill then keep up the good work!

HAPPY REVIEW DAY
Fangirl~

Hello.

Slightly different take on my own religious philosophy ("hell cannot harm those who have embraced it"), but still something I can relate to.

So the biggest thing I noticed here is you went extremely choppy, which I think is a double edged sword. You have some really good emphasis transitions when you do use them, but for the most part this feels a little too spat out for my tastes. Of course, my personal style is very rambley, so I'm biased.

But I really feel you could benefit from making this a little less spat out, especially in the self accepting portion at the end. Right now, the poem's structure creates an appropriately disconnected feel, where nothing ties together. But as you have the narrator come into their own, the choppiness continues and doesn't lead to a strong moment of catharsis, for me, because there isn't any change.

Poetry structure can be just as important as the content, because structure is how we read it. It indicates the tone and gives the words themselves a life. It's especially important in poetry because there are so few words to build a voice, especially when you have a minimalistic style like is present here.

Overall, that's my biggest suggestion: mess around with the flow and see if you can't change the tone of the poem to reflect the emotional progression you want to take us through. A lot of the words themselves are there; they just need to be presented a little differently.

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey

Wait, you play limbo? I'm sorry, but I didn't get why the title of this poem was called "Limbo" and the poem had to do with struggling. I mean, what's the connection? I'm sorry, that's just what I got while reading this.

And, do you play limbo? Is that why it's called this? Or maybe this story doesn't make sense because I'm really tired. Who knows.
[ Edit ]

This my first post; thank you for all the warm welcomes!!