The Hunt: Chapter 3; Good Morning! You're going to die now.

I woke with a screaming headache. Ugh. I opened my eyes to find myself in a tent with dark blue sides. I was lying on a makeshift cot made of wood and blankets. I tried to sit up and felt a tsunami of pain engulf me. It felt like every bone in my body was broken, every tendon was torn, and I was sinking into the fiery depths of hell. I screamed and felt warm hands push me back down onto my pillow.

"Easy now. You suffered severe damage from that fall. I'm surprised you're not dead." It was Sage, the boy with scars. I looked straight into his face and gasped. His face was a spiderweb of white scars.

"How did you-?"

"Shh," he gently covered my mouth with his hand, "You're in good hands now." He grinned and shut my eyes. I was too tired to protest so I burrowed deeper into my blankets and started to dream.

I floated in the midst of a space that seemed endless. There was nothing but black except a little pinprick of light. That little bit of light was a human like figure int he center of the space. It was glowing white and I couldn't make out what it was. I attempted to make my way forward, to try to see her better, but I flailed around like a fish out of water. I finally managed to find a solid surface to stabilize myself. I directed myself in the direction of the glowing figure and launched myself towards the figure. I almost overshot the figure, but managed to slow myself down by doing the awkward fish flail again. I positioned myself right over it. Now I could se that the 'it' wasn't an 'it'. The figure was a woman with big glowing wings the color of snow. She was kneeling in mid air, that is, until the air she was kneeling on became a reflective surface. A window or mirror of some kind played scenes that were strange and yet familiar at the same time. They showed scenes of life, happiness and carefree joy. A mother with her small child, tickling her on a cloud print blanket. A couple, sitting on a picnic blanket, were overlooking a beautiful valley. Two friends chasing each other around a play set. Then the scenes changed, becoming dark and serious. The mother was weeping on the steps of a church, holding the cloud print blanket, which was now tattered and tear soaked. The couple on the hill had disappeared and was now the girl overlooking the valley. She was holding a gun and the valley was in smoldering ruin. The two friends were gone and in place of a play set, there was a smoking crater.

"Interesting, isn't it?" The woman looked up. There, standing off to the right was a dark figure of a man. he came forward and I could see his face. His skin was dry and cracked. He had red eyes that were like laser beams, boring into the beautiful woman. He was like the reincarnation of Satan.

"What do you want," she hissed, "you have no place in my memories, let alone in this realm." The Satan-like man chuckled.

"Ah, but you are not in your realm," he said, "You are in the Land of the Lost. Where people fade and memories are forgotten." He tutted. "I thought you knew that. You were such a bright young angel."

"I know where I am!" The woman snapped, "I-I'm just confused why I am here." The Satan-like man smiled a wicked grin. 

"Oh, I know why,' he snarled, "For revenge!" He drew a sword out of nowhere and sunk it into the woman's gut gut. She screamed and I was engulfed in white.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" I screamed and shot up. Then I screamed again as the pain engulfed me. Sage stuck his head through the flap.

"Dead, we have to leave," he said.

"I'm not Dead!" I protested. I was surprised on how strong my voice had gotten since the last time I'd used it.

"Oh yeah?" he said, lifting me out of the cot. I looked down and groaned. My favorite pair of jeans were now booty shorts that were ripped and soaked.

"What was that?" he asked.

"My favorite pair of jeans are ruined," I complained. Sage smirked and carried me out into the outside. The outside was a luscious green forest with plenty of undergrowth to keep a deer happy for months. 

"You look hot in those shorts even if they are ruined. We have to go."

"Why?"

"Oh were are my manners," Sage said sarcastically, "Good morning! We're about to die."

"Why?"

"Oh for-" Sage set me down, "Can you walk?" I took a step. I felt fine.

"Yes."

"Good. Run." He's already started to move away.

"What?"

"JUST GO PRINCESS!" He screamed over his shoulder.

I took off running after Sage, although 'run' isn't the right term. It was more like hobbling at a fast-ish pace. Sage was ahead and he turned around to check on me.

"Honestly Princess can't you run any faster?" he complained. I glared at him.

"Excuse me, but when was the last time you fell out of a seven story building after fighting a deranged fish spider human hybrid and then transformed into a human pancake on the asphalt below." Sage held up his hands.

"Okay sorry, you're still recovering from eleven broken bones, a skull fracture, and lots of psychological damage. I get it."

"I broke ELEVEN bones?" I yell.

"Yes," he said, "Now can we concentrate on not dying today? I really like my life and I prefer not to lose it." I heard a crash and risked a glance behind me. I gave out a high pitched shriek loud enough to break a wine bottle.

"What is that thing?" I yelled. Pursuing us was a gigantic cockroach like animal with wings. It flew into the trees behind us and trampled anything in it's path.

"A deceroach," Sage replied, "A cockroach with ten legs and wings that is a hundred times bigger than an average elephant. They are blind and nearly deaf, but they eat anything."

"Charming," I said, "How are we going to defeat it?"

"We can't," he said, "That's why we're running away." He took a left, then a right. I followed him trough the maze of hallways. Left, right, left, left, right, left, right, right, left, right... Sage veered off into the foliage and I followed him as fast as I could. 

"Get down," Sage hissed, his scars glowing white in the green filtered light as we hid behind a tree. The deceroach trampled it's way past, not slowing down or anything. Sage motioned for me to follow him and we darted off into the trees again. 

"Come on," he said, slowing as we left the deceroach's carnage behind, "let's find the others."

Comments & reviews · 3
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Dracula
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Dracula wrote a review · Wed Dec 30, 2015 3:13 am

Here I am for the final review, but feel free to let me know when the next chapters are uploaded!

I opened my eyes to find myself in a white room (again). I tried to sit up and felt a tsunami of pain engulf me.
Hmm, is this is the same white room? Or a different one? Clarification would be good, unless it's made obvious elsewhere in the chapter.

That little bit of light was a human like figure int he center of the space
Just a nitpick, you can probably spot it. :D

The dream was awesome, I loved how you closely followed the three different groups and showed a before and after. It was happy, and then dark, which left me sort of mourning for those people.

"Good morning! We're about to die."
Hahah I love Sage already, you've given a really unique personality.

Excellent world-building with the deceroach! Revealing her name was a great end to the chapter, I look forward to finding out more.

Greetings! Holographic Ladybug here very enthusiastically (IT'S REVIEW DDAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) for a review! :D :D :D :D

Seriously, you come up with the best EVER chapter names (that's what attracted me your story in the first place, after all) and each new one makes me really excited (especially this one ;) ) to read it because I know that it will be AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! (can you tell I'm excited?)
You show so much voice in your story (well-written first person always does that), which is amazing and you really should--nay, need to keep that up!

Spoiler
This in particular is what brought it up:
I woke with a screaming headache. Ugh. I opened my eyes to find myself in a white room (again).


"Oh yeah?" he said, lifting me out of bed. I looked down and groaned. I was wearing a white gown that looked like something a princess would wear.

"What was that?" he asked.

"I look like a prissy princess," I complained. Sage smirked and carried me out into the hall.

" I imagine so. Well Princess, we have to go."

It starts to feel like you're putting your character through a lot of pain. Which makes everything so awesomely exciting and interesting. Makes me want to read more (well, more than I already wanted to).

~Other Bits~

Okay sorry, you've been in a hospital bed for six days and you're still recovering from eleven broken bones, a skull fracture, and lots of psychological damage. I get it."

You probably shouldn't have hospital bed because you later mention that she was in a mansion. This can lead to confusion about the setting. I honestly thought that she was in a hospital until they mentioned the mansion part.

"We can't," he said, "That's why we're running away." He took a left, then a right. i followed him trough the maze of hallways. Left, right, left, left, right, left, right, right, left, right... Sage and I finally arrived at a huge oak door. He kicked it open and we ran into fresh air.

Two things here:
1. You've forgotten to capitalize I.
2. You should probably separate the paragraph into two after the dialogue.

"JUST GO PRINCESS!" I took off running down the hall, although 'run' isn't the right term. It was more like hobbling at a fast-ish pace. Sage was ahead and he turned around to check on me.

Same with the paragraphing: the whole paragraph should be divided after the dialogue. (Love the -ish part, by the way.)

"Should we let you lay down, Princess? Let you get your beauty sleep?" Without warning I grabbed his arms and judo flipped him over my shoulder and threw him on the ground. I pressed my forearm against his chest.

Same things. (Love this part, though.)

That's all for my review! This was really awesome and I can't wait until the next chapter. Awesome writing. :D
Go Dragons!
~Holographic Ladybug :)

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mmbmio
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text me when theres more!!!



Almost all absurdity of conduct rises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble.
— Samuel Johnson