The Hunt: Chapter 2; I become the master of the doggie paddle

I stared in openmouthed horror as Britt started to change. Her face morphed into a human face with spiders mandibles protruding from her bottom lip. Her top half changed into a human torso with a fin sticking out of her back like a shark. Her bottom half split and became two long tails the color of a pile of gold. She grew long golden curls that cascaded down her back. She raised her hand and a trident covered in barnacles materialized in her clenched fist.

"PUNY HUMAN," she laughed, her voice booming as if magnified by a thousand loudspeakers,

"DID YOU THINK YOU WOULD MAKE IT OUT OF HERE ALIVE? NOBODY HAS IN A MILLION YEARS." I closed my mouth then opened it again. 

"A- a million years?" I squeaked. Britt chuckled. The sound was deafening and I felt my ears pop.

"YES," she said, "I HAVE BEEN IMPRISONED IN THIS ASYLUM FOR A MILLENNIA. WASTING MY LIFE KILLING HUMANS LIKE YOU FOR THE HUNT." I felt the same terror as before, but now it was laced with threads of curiosity. 

"The Hunt?" I asked, "What is the hunt?" Britt glowered down at me.

"HUMANS," she boomed to herself, "SO DESENSITIZED BY VIDEO GAMES AND TELEVISION." Britt raised her trident.

"OH WELL," she said cheerfully, "GOTTA KILL YOU NOW. NICE KNOWING YOU."

"Wait!" I protested, but it was too late. Britt crashed though the glass and water came spilling out. Her trident came flying towards me and I jumped out of the way before I could become a Rowan-kebab. Britt raised her hand and the trident flew back to her hand.

"HMM A CRAFTY ONE WE HAVE HERE," she roared, "LET'S SEE YOUR SKILLS UNDERWATER." She raised her trident and slammed the butt of it into the ground. A geyser sprang from where the trident made a dent in the white carpeted floor. I backed up and tripped over the chair. The chair... I picked it up and hurled it with all of my might at Britt. It hit her in the face and silver blood dripped from her nose. She screamed and impaled the chair with her trident. The chair splintered and snapped as she slammed it on the floor.

The water level was rising fast. It was now up to my waist and climbing. I looked around frantically. A weapon. I need- There. In the ruins of the chair Britt vandalized was a glint of metal. I sloshed my way towards it and searched though the debris. I came up with a piece of metal shaped likea triangle. Must've been attaching the seat to the rest of the chair. It was about the size of my forearm and it was quite rusty. 

"I WILL KILL YOU," screamed Britt. I rose up and turned towards her.

"Come at me, bro!" Britt snarled and lunged. I dove out of the way and readied the piece of junk when she came up, I whacked her in the back of the head. She howled and went down again. The force of her bodyweight wrenched the metal from my hands. I stumbled backwards and fell.

The water level was now almost above my head. I would have to start swimming pretty soon. I looked around frantically for a way out, but no such luck I felt my feet leave the ground and I started to doggie paddle. I'd never been the best swimmer, but it was enough to keep me from drowning. I turned and saw Britt launch her trident again. I desperately paddled out of the way. The trident hit the wall and sank into it like it was made out of fabric. 

Suddenly I got an idea. I swam up to the surface and looked at the ceiling. The water was almost there! I took my last gulp of air and dove under. I swam to the plexiglass window and floated there, waiting... waiting...

There. Britt was now in underwater earshot. 

"Hey, Fishface!" I shouted, but it came out more of a garbled mutter. Fortunately, Britt head it.

"IT'S FISHFATIUS!" she shouted. Britt aimed her trident and launched it at me. I ducked just in time and the trident pierced the window. It shattered under the trident and the water flowed out, carrying me and Britt with it. I gasped for air and flailed around. The water, Britt, and I gave into the forces of gravity and started to plummet downward.

"Help!" I coughed and spluttered, but I still managed to get the word out. I saw the ground flying up to meet me so I closed my eyes. I felt nothing but pure pain for the next seven minutes. My lungs were being compressed so hard, I couldn't breathe at all. I felt my bones braking under the impact as I made it to the hard black asphalt. My brain felt like it was being split in half and blood was running down my face.

This is it, I thought , I have officially been turned into a pancake. Then my body was being lifted up and put on a soft... something that felt like it was made of the clouds of Heaven.

"She's still breathing," said a female voice above me, "I'd expected her to be dead before she hit the ground."

"She's a tough one to survive even one stage of The Hunt," said another voice, also female. I opened my eyes a crack. I could see shadows above me moving frantically. I made a small sound that sounded like a dying mouse.

"She spoke!" said the first voice. There was shuffling and frantic murmurs.

"Move," said a voice, a rich male one this time, "Let me look at her." I could open my eyes wider now. The boy leaning over me had chocolate hair and striking hazel eyes. He was obviously seventeen or eighteen and definitely one of the best looking boys I've ever laid eyes on. He was wearing a white tee and jeans. he had scars covering his face and arms but his hands were gentle as he brushed a strand of hair away from my face.

"Put her in the car," he ordered. I felt my body being carried and put in a space that was black and new looking. 

"Am... I.... Dead?" I croaked out. The boy smiled and closed my eyes.

"Hi Dead, I'm Sage."

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User avatar
mmbmio
Review
mmbmio wrote a review · Mon Apr 18, 2016 12:40 am

Oh, Sage will be trouble! Ok now ask me: what was so good about this chapter? My answer is: Because it's so flibflappering funny!

Ok, a few details.
First, a computer error for sure! But, I think you should know about it. the T in the sentence bellow is italicised and I know it's completely by accident: "Then my body was being lifted up and put on a soft... something that felt like it was made of clouds."
Secondly, there was a spelling mistake that you probably did without thinking. : "I felt my bones braking" you confused breaking with braking.

Alright, I gotta go to the next chapter so I'll keep it short. Love you and I can't wait for more.

Sincerely,
M

User avatar
Dracula
Review
Dracula wrote a review · Wed Dec 30, 2015 2:52 am

Hey, it's me again. :)

She raised her hand and a trident covered in barnacles materialized in her clenched fist.
Woah. Woah. Woah. This whole scene is creepy. Brilliantly written, descriptive, etc, but creepy! :P

I jumped out of the way before I could become a Rowan-kebab
There's that humour. Keep it up! It's a great touch.

"Hi Dead, I'm Sage."
What on earth just happened. Well, I know what happened, I just don't know what to think. This story is like nothing I've ever read before.

I'm sorry this is so short, I just do not know what to say. Your writing is great, and I don't have any nitpicks. So just keep going with this crazy fish story, and I shall go and find out what the hunt is!

User avatar
mmbmio
Comment

I LOVE YOUR STORY!!!

Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.
— Lemony Snicket
(Which happens to be the quote at the bottom. I take it Britt never reads?)

Hiya again! Holographic Ladybug is back with another review!

You seriously come up with the best chapter titles ever. Not only is it an amazing way to attract readers (that's why I'm here!), but it also is basically awesome, making your work seeming even more basically awesome. Basically. ;)
Your chapter got really funny, really action-y, and really awesome-y really quickly. FANTASTIC!
:D

~Nit-Picks~

A- a million years?" I squeaked. Britt chuckled. The sound was deafening and I felt my ears pop.

"YES," she said,

"I HAVE BEEN IMPRISONED IN THIS ASYLUM FOR A MILLENNIA. WASTING MY LIFE KILLING HUMANS LIKE YOU FOR THE HUNT." I felt the same terror as before, but now it was laced with threads of curiosity.

"The Hunt?" I asked,

"What is the hunt?" Britt glowered down at me.

"HUMANS," she boomed to herself,

"SO DESENSITIZED BY MIZT." Britt raised her trident.

"OH WELL," she said cheerfully,

"GOTTA KILL YOU NOW. NICE KNOWING YOU."

"Wait!" I protested, but it was too late. Britt crashed though the glass and water came spilling out. Her trident came flying towards me and I jumped out of the way before I could become a Rowan-kebab. Britt raised her hand and the trident flew back to her hand.

"HMM A CRAFTY ONE WE HAVE HERE," she roared,

"LET'S SEE YOUR SKILLS UNDERWATER."

Dialogue! This is what I'm nit-picking about. You separate the dialogue even if it's the same person, which is not really all that necessary. It got a little confusing for me because I thought that the wrong person was talking. The way to fix it is simple, but I'm not going to bother explaining it all to you because we'll both just be confused! And who's that helping?
So here is what it should probably looked like (along with a few other things):
"A- a million years?" I squeaked.

Britt chuckled. The sound was deafening and I felt my ears pop. (New character, new paragraph)

"YES," she said. "I HAVE BEEN IMPRISONED IN THIS ASYLUM FOR A MILLENNIA. WASTING MY LIFE KILLING HUMANS LIKE YOU FOR THE HUNT."

I felt the same terror as before, but now it was laced with threads of curiosity.

"The Hunt?" I asked. "What is the hunt?" (assuming the main character is speaking)

Britt glowered down at me. "HUMANS! [I](you don't really need the tag)
SO DESENSITIZED BY MIZT." Britt raised her trident. "Oh well, gotta kill you now. Nice knowing you!." (at that point, the CAPITALS were a bit excessive)

"Wait!" I protested, but it was too late. Britt crashed though the glass and water came spilling out. Her trident came flying towards me and I jumped out of the way before I could become a Rowan-kebab. Britt raised her hand and the trident flew back to her hand.

"HMM A CRAFTY ONE WE HAVE HERE," she roared. "LET'S SEE YOUR SKILLS UNDERWATER."


~The Awesome Bits~
So intense! You've described all of the action and fighting without flaw! I loved how you hadn't confused me the whole way through. And the suspense at the end was a nice touch. There were funny parts that live up to the funny chapter names, so I've got no complaints about that. ;) No words could describe how awesome I find this. I'm extremely excited for the next chapter, so never cease writing! (Ugh! Why does this part need to be so short? Why?)
I love your characters. Again, very creative. Britt is a really creative....er, fish-person-thing. LOVE IT! Again, very well done.

Stay awesome!
~The Ladybug Who Also Happens to be a Hologram :D

Thanks! I always make a new paragraph whenever quotations marks are present. i'll make sure to fix that!! Thanks for your feedback!



The most important thing is to have fun! Stress makes for distress and neither of those belong in writing!
— Kaia