When Holly put the amulet on, she can feel the sensation vibrating throughout her body. It is almost psychic. She can remember the leering headache she had the last time she put it on when it had saved her from a massacre. The psychic powers it has gave her was positive effects and negative effects. Right now she is contemplating wearing it to church.
She sat there on the recliner next to the window where the sun had peered in, and watched the figures dancing through the sun’s rays. A demonic face appears interrupting her peace. It just smiles and disappears in the light.
She looks at the time, realizing she is late for her interview. She took her amulet and heads out. From her car, it looks like it is nighttime even though it is nine am. She can hear the voices but they sounded muffled. She listens to try to make out what they are saying.
She entered the lobby where the hotel manager had sat and did paperwork.
“Hello.” Holly said sitting down next to her.
“Hi, Holly, I am Sally, I will be interviewing you today.” Sally smiled.
Holly gulped.
“So what brings you here?” sally asked.
“I am interested in becoming a hotel clerk.” Holly answered.
“Would this be your first job?” sally wondered.
“No. I have worked back in pine lake but I had to move because the crime rate was high.” Holly explained. “I had even witnessed a massacre.”
“I see. so you just moved here?” Sally asked.
“Repeat. Repeat. Repeat two times!” Holly heard a voice yell from the back of her mind.
“yes.” Holly said trying to shake her head clear of the voices
“Wow. Well I will give you the job. so you can start on Monday, our opening day.” Sally stated.
“Okay. Thank you.” Holly headed out to the strip. The streets were crowded. As Holly drove past, the people appeared blurry. Her vision was so impaired to the point where she almost made a wrong turn but she made it to the church.
In the church the preacher started his sermon with a prayer.
“Dear lord, we come to you today to pray for the murder victims and their family.” The preacher said over and over again.
During the sermon Holly heard the voices talking in incomplete sentences.
Church service was over fast. Holly waited by the door as everyone walked out because she wanted to ask the preacher about moving churches. Soon, enough people had left for her to see the preacher who was talking to a young guy seated in the first pew. Holly patiently waited for him to finish. As soon as the conversation started to get louder, the young guy had stood up and stabbed the preacher in the stomach. He turned to the direction holly was in. Holly was in too much shock but she forced herself to run before she was next. She hides in the bathroom.
Before it was too long, she escaped out the window to the woods. She came to the realization that the amulet attracts negativity. Since the amulet had warned her about the last incident and this one too. It had said “Repeat two times” that must mean it will repeat a second time!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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The first thing that jumps out at me here is that you really need to work on your tenses during this piece. They switch back and forth between past and present and it gets very confusing. Fix them up and decide what tense your stoyr is going to be in beforee going any further.
Once you have, and if you want me to take a more in depth look at your chapter feel free to PM me.
Icy
Um...........
Reviews are welcome! =)