On holly's way to her first class she can see an amulet necklace on the ground. She picks it up to study it. The amulet is a purple stone held in place by teeth. She looked at it in all its beauty then it started to lit up.
"hmm?" She narrowed her eyes at it.
The bell ringed. She stumpled into class with the amulet still in her hand. When her teacher began explaining. Holly couldnt understand what he was saying. His voice is muffled and everything is blurry. She tried to focus her eyes on him but his body then cut into three and rearranged itself. Her vision just became worst. She heard a voice whisper "hide away."
From what she can see everyone was sitting in there desk calmly not even seeing or hearing the same things she is. Holly hears a loud whisper say "Murder afar."
When class was over and lunch time came around holly regained her vision. She stopped hearing the voices. Her head still hurts. When she reached the dining hall all the voices came back louder and everything became a blur. She can only see one person who was a guy in a leather jacket and sunglasses.
Holly went straight to the bathroom to rinse her face off. the voices began to go faster.
"Murder! Murder! Murder!"
"Stop!" She yelled aloud.
The light turned off and a pale face appeared in the mirror looking at her with blood shot eyes. she backs into the stall, shaking, and closing the door. she refuse to come out.
When her amulet lit up she looked back out and saw that the face is not there. She steps out the amulet light lead the way.The clock said five thirty pm.
"weird" she told herself.
She didnt care that the halls were dark she was just happy she can see again. She feels so eager to leave.
Stepping outside of the school she saw the sunset.
On her way to her apartment she saw alot of dead bodies piled up in a bloody mess. She noticed that one of them is her teacher. he is cut up in three and rearranged.
Holly gasped.
She doesnt see any body thats alive. coming to the realization that there is a murderer on the loose,She speeds up her way to the apartment.
She hid in her apartment. She all of a sudden knew what the voices were talking about when they said "hide away" and "murder" she flipped on the news and once again saw alot of dead bodies but this time a reporter was reporting that there was a murder of about twenty people on pine lake. She realized thats where she lives.
"the murderer was found on the canter community college campus. this is sheena reporting life from canter."
shaking, she saw that the murderer is the same guy with the leather jacket and sunglasses from the dining hall.
She came to realize that the protective amulet was trying to save her from the massacre that took place outside her apartment.
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Hi, first of all remember to capitalize names and the start of dialogue. Also, there were some misspellings and awkward sentences like, "When her teacher began explaining." go through and fix that stuff kay?
As for the story, very interesting! So the amulet was trying to save her? There's a lot of questions this story gives me, like were it's from, if the amulet's connected to the murderer, it's very thought provoking. I don't know if this is one part of a longer story, works either way!
Hi,
I thought you did a very good job with this.
I'm not going to to go into nit picks because I felt it was very good and deserved a good review!
Anyway, there are a few spelling mistakes, so maybe you could fix them up?
I thought the whole story was excellent, but sometimes confusing and I really enjoyed reading it.
Especially the last sentence I found very captivating!
I good suspensive story and keep on writing