The sunlight that peeped through the window left open, fell on the obsidian haired man, as they glistered; he was sitting in front of a pitch-black screen and a few green texts that reflected his deep blue eyes as the light fell on it. The clicking sound of the keyboard was distinctive and was the only sound audible in the room, cables and wires littered all over the place; apart from them, countless other gadgets were resting on the white-marbled floor, as if they had little use and became obsolete to him.
The entire room was messy; empty bottles of energy drinks and cups of instant noodles piled up wherever he could be.
He continued typing, scratching his long black hair; fidgeting his feet over one another.
“I still have enough time left until she comes back.”
Typing at lightning speed, the green characters soon filled the entire screen; and then he dramatically pressed the enter key.
[Connection Established]
A blue matrix swept the entire room, changing the entire environment.
The dusty table and piled up garbage vanished. A blue hue engulfed the entire room.
The entire screen turned white, a blue avatar that much resembled a face, but had no features other than a smear of red where the mouth used to be.
“So, you what now? You fixed the bug, didn’t you?” asked the blue figure. It had a mischievous grin.
The man’s blue eyes fell on its face as his brows twitched.
“Can you stop creeping me out? That smile, where did you get it from?”
“It’s a long story,” it avoided the question; the red droplets fell from the smear and painted the desktop red.
He sighed in frustration. “What did you do now?”
With an evil grin, it replied. “Long story short, I just saved the states. You can thank yours truly for his help later on.”
His brows raised in annoyance; a remarkable frown crept upon his neither too pointy, nor too round face.
“Care to explain your brave deed to your foolish servant,” he scoffed, covering his mouth, looking at him with a mocking smile.
“I have little time, but since you are asking for it with such admiration for me, how can I refuse your request?”
“While surfing, I found an interesting bunch of trash hanging around. I played with them for a while, monitoring their actions, and I found them lurking on the President’s phone. Since I caught them with red hands, I punished them. Do you even know the worth of the stolen data? They were cheating countless people, but when I caught them, I devoured everything they had. In simple words, all their data belongs to me now, thus saving the states from its impending doom.”
“Can you stop with your drama? I am trying here to fix it, and here you are snipping random keyloggers and spyware. Tell me, what’s even the use of securing his data? Isn’t everything handled by Eve and Lilith?”
The figure smirked. “Do they even worry about the world? I don’t think so, they don’t have time for anyone other than you.”
He sighed, rolling his eyes. “Just leave it. So, are there any issues left in the latest update? Although the bug was insignificant, I fixed it. I don’t think there are any more of them, are they?”
“You did well,” the sarcastic voice turned normal, and then apologetic. “Somebody had to do it”
Bang……
A loud sound came from his back, and before he could react his bloodied head had a hole in it; large enough to see through it. The screen glitches, as a long golden metal stuck to it.
It was a bullet that came from the window, left open, and pierced his skull from behind and burst out through his forehead. The red liquid oozing out of his head splattered all over the screen and coated the entire floor in bright red.
He opened his eyes.
He was floating in a pitch-black void of space.
‘Where am I?’
He self questioned himself.
He didn’t feel any pain, nor he had any memory of what had just happened to him.
His body was light; he felt a sense of warmness wrapping his entire body.
‘Am I dreaming?’
He couldn’t understand the situation.
‘Is this a dream? But if it is, then isn’t it a little too blank?’
He felt a slight pain lingering in his head, and thinking about what had happened did nothing, but only made it worse.
‘What is this?’
He grabbed his head as he gave a loud groan. Once floating in the air, it was now in free fall.
Smack……
He crashed down on the black ground; his once light body had now turned heavy.
He got up, dusting his blue shirt as he rubbed his waist. “What the hell!”
A floating blue box appeared in front of his eyes.
[Welcome to Oasis]
‘Was I connected to Oasis?’
‘If I did, then why? I am not a player, so what made me dive into it?’
‘Did I……’ the more he thought, the more suspicious he got. ‘Why would I even be playing Oasis? There is no way I would waste my time on it.’
“If I am in Oasis, I must have my account,” he looked at the blue box and called to it. “System Override Code X86,”
[You have no rights to access the core]
“Huh!” he flinched.
“Flush Stream ZI72,”
[You need to have the required rights to access the panel]
‘What the hell is this?’ he asked himself. “Profile,”
[There is no existing character. Please create one to play Oasis]
‘What is happening here?’
“Log out,”
“......” he heard no response.
Repeating the command produced the same results.
“Link Break M5,”
“.......” he waited for a response, but even this time he neither heard nor saw any message from the system.
He took a deep breath and exhaled through his mouth. “I don’t know what my purpose is, but I know that I am in Oasis. Judging by the situation, I think it most probably is a glitch, and I am stuck while I was trying to fix it. Yeah! This explains everything.”
He looked at the floating blue box, which now had a new message.
[Please choose your name]
“Since Oasis had no bugs, I can assume that this is what I made.”
[Are you sure that you want to choose ‘Since Oasis had no bugs, I can assume that this is what I made,’ as your name?]
He bit his tongue, ‘Oasis, and its crappy puns.’
“No,”
[Please choose your name]
‘Both, Eve and Lilith must monitor the game, right? Then, they must have also found this glitch. If they run a network-wide scan, my name can help me get out of it.’
“Glitch,”
‘This would hasten my escape,’
[Are you sure that you want to choose ‘Glitch’ as your name?]
“Yes,” he replied with no second thought as he planned what he would do next.
[Please select your race]
[Human] [Elf] [Dwarf] [Orc] [Ghoul] [Random]
‘Trash will remain trash. Why isn’t there any higher race available? Are the players so dumb that not a single superior race is available yet? They have no other race than the basics. Do they even play it earnestly?’ he frowned.
‘I could get one using the Easter egg, but it ranks the lowest amongst the other superior races.’
‘If I recalled properly, the sequence was something like this.’
"Vampire,"
[The race isn't unlocked yet]
"Dragon,"
[The race isn't available]
"Reaper,"
[The race isn't available]
"Human,"
[Do you want to choose 'Human' as your race?]
"No, Demon."
[The race isn't unlocked yet]
"Demigod,"
[The race isn't unlocked yet]
[You have exceeded the limit]
[Choose the race in the next two turns]
"Elemental,"
[The race isn't available by normal means]
"Random," he shouted as his eyes filled with expectations and hope.
‘This was the sequence as far as I could recall it.’
His heart throbbed faster; beads of cold sweat dripped down his forehead to this neck.
[Please wait...] [Your race is Arch-human]
“Phew……” he wiped his forehead. ‘So, it is still the same.’
[Please select your beginning point]
[Land of Light] [Land of Darkness] [Land of The Forgotten]
‘Eve rules Light, while Lilith rules Darkness. I could increase my chances of being identified, but it could piss the other. No, it would piss the other. I can’t choose in between them. Mercy…… won’t she have found me diving yet? If I start at the Forgotten, she would notice it. Yes, it is the best choice.’
‘I don't want them to fight once again because of me.’
He replied with brief hesitation, "Land of The Forgotten,"
[You have chosen the Land of The Forgotten]
[You will have a neutral relationship with the residents of Land of Darkness and Light]
[Your beginning point is Golius Town]
His body engulfed in a stream of white light; the lingering pain vanished as his senses became clearer.
He opened his eyes; he was near a farm with no one around; not even single cattle.
‘It is unusually empty here. Why is there nobody around here?’ he questioned, checking his body.
‘Is this the basic clothing?’
He had a brown leather tunic onto his body, with a matching pair of leather pants.
‘What has she been doing? Weren’t the newcomers’ given other items?’
He looked at the surrounding greenery as he marched away from it.
“Settings,”
He called out as he continued walking; he was outside the farm.
His eyes flared at the menu. ‘As expected, the damned buttons are missing. Maybe this was the bug I came here to fix,’ he hypothesized as he heard a voice coming from his left.
He turned himself towards the sound.
“S-Save me……”
**********************************
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hello, Stormblessed here!
So, I haven't been keeping up with this story, since the sex stuff was a bit too much, but this chapter seems to be taking a different turn.
Interesting problem for our protagonist to get into, and i can see that the drama between Eve and Lilith is still a problem. And this may have been explained in a chapter that I didn't read, but since these are just robots that our protagonist himself created, it should be fairly easy for him to reset everything in regards to them.
So... why exactly is our protagonist in the Oasis? That was really sudden, and since his thought process is rather vague, it never really gets explained, in my opinion.
So just make sure you think through the why and how, and then explain it clearly, this story will turn out great!
Hope this helped!
Stormblessed242
Hello, NoobWriterIsHere!
I'm assuming that this is the first chapter because if it isn't, I haven't read the other chapters. Can I just say that I really like the plot and setting of this novel? I love this type of "video game" fantasy adventure story, but I've only read webcomics like it and not actual books, so this was very interesting! Since it is the first chapter, it doesn't dive too deep into character specifics and sets up the story very nicely. I'm sure the readers will find out more about what is happening and fill in the blanks as the novel progresses.
So, I'm going to have to agree with rida that this chapter was a little confusing. It's many because you just drop the reader into this world without any introduction really. Of course, later into the chapter, I was able to infer that he was some game operator who has fallen into the game Oasis, but there isn't a lot context for the reader to fully understand what is happening. For example, how does the President play into all of this, and who was the blue guy? The conversation between the character and the blue guy wasn't very clear to me. I couldn't tell who was speaking.
When I read it the first time, I thought the blue figure was the main character, and then I thought the blue man was saying that the character's smile was creepy. So, I imagined whatever the blue man was saying, the character was actually saying it. I think it was just because the line, "The man's blue eyes fell on its face as his brows twitched" was between the dialogue. Also, that line was just confusing in general.
So maybe change it to this:
I think I general rule to keep in mind is to not start a new paragraph unless it is someone new speaking. In this case, since it is still focussed on the blue man's action, you would not add another line.
Another example would be this:
Since it is still the blue man talking, you would omit the first end quotation mark.
Like this:
Another thing that I noticed was this:
So since you are using an ellipse, I believe you will have three dots and a period. I'm not super familiar with specific grammatical rules, so you can make the choice yourself.
[quote]“S-Save me….”
I'm not sure if this applies to your "........." since that might be a stylistic choice, but I think that it's three dots in a sentence.
Anyway, I think that's all. I really liked this chapter and am excited to see how it goes. It was very intriguing and attention-grabbing, and I can't wait to find out more about the characters and the world. I was thoroughly invested throughout the chapter, and besides the little nitpicks that I mentioned above and slight confusion, I really enjoyed reading it.
Have a nice day/night!
Cici
Hi! I am here for a small review, well, I found only one mistake ‘ The entire room was messy; empty bottles of energy drinks and cups of instant noodles piled up wherever he could be.’ so, in that line, it should be ‘they’ instead of ‘he’. Otherwise, I don’t find any other mistake, and I feel this chapter is a little confusing. I look forward to the next chapter. Keep writing.