z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

The Prince of Heaven and Hell (Chapter 2- Backlash From The System)

by NoobWriterIsHere


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

The world of Oasis kept changing so, what had Glitch previously planned, may be changed by now. He had no way to know how much has changed by now. All he knew was that the story hasn't progressed much.

The quest conditions for his final class was final. It was programmed to never change. Sighing with relief, 'One task completed, now the ones that are left are swordsmanship, spearplay, magic, and blacksmithing.'

He approached the sword instructor, "I would like to learn the essence of sword."

The man replied, "Not everyone can learn it. Learn how to swing a sword first."

Glitch grabbed a wooden sword and asked, "Please guide me, Master."

The man gave him a stern look and said, "I can't teach you how to swing it. Go, learn it all by yourself."

This was what he was afraid of. Previously, he had set a limit of 1000 swing for gaining the skill, but now the limit was gone. He had to swallow the bitter pill.

He replied, "I would work hard."

He went to a side, grabbing the sword hard, he started swinging it.

Honestly, while developing the game, he had no idea how to teach swordsmanship. So, he let the players develop the skill slowly by themselves.

He swung it randomly. 'Maybe like this.' he changed his style. After swinging it a few more times, he had by now gotten the idea. He kept swinging until his stomach growled. 'Hold it. I am already used to it.'

While working, he had skipped food plenty of times. He kept on swinging. Soon he forgot about his hunger.

He didn't even stop once. He was fully immersed in it until he heard a sound.

[You are feeling hungry. Your energy reserves are now almost depleted.]

'Isn't this a little too real. It must have been hard on the players.'

He already had a shortage of food, keeping his hunger on hold, he continued.'

Another notification popped.

[Your muscles have become sore due to continuous usage]

[You are unable to move]

He fell and let out a curse, "F*ck. Isn't this just a game?"

A man wearing a white robe approached him, "Brother, are you a newcomer?", taking out a bread he handed over to Glitch. "Eat it."

Glitch didn't take it. 'Just what is this guy onto?'

The man sighed, "I know what you are doing, but it won't work here."

Glitch didn't have any idea of what this guy was speaking. He continued, "You may get something in return for your hard work in other games but not here. This one beats the crap out of the players."

Glitch, who hardly played any VRMMO, had no idea what the guy was talking about. While making the game, he was in seclusion, and he took real-life examples.

He was able to get up after some time. He asked, "Does the server ever gets closed?"

'Is he a complete noob?' the man thought. He replied, "Nope. Not even once."

'This is bad. I won't have any time for rest. I need a place to live unlike them', Glitch thought.

Glitch took out a bread from his inventory and started eating it.

[Your hunger is gone]

[Your body is now able to move]

He felt all his fatigue vanishing. He asked, "May I know who are you?"

The man replied, "My name is Deep Love."

Glitch looked him with disdain, 'His name is weird too.' He asked, "Why were you helping me?"

Deep Love replied, "Helping you, my ass. I just helped so I can please her."

Glitch asked, "Who?"

Deep Love replied, "Of course it's Eve. Which faction you belong to?"

Glitch replied without thinking once, "None. Why would I choose? Why is there a faction?"

Deep Love replied, "Just how much noob can you be? Since there are so many lovers of Eve and Lilith so, we decided to create a faction. I wanted to be Adam, but the System refused."

He continued, "Eve has announced that one from Land of Light, who will complete the first chapter, will get to meet her personally. I just helped you to impress her. She even sometimes talks with us.

'Finally, she did something good.' He praised her. He asked, "Did she ever talk to you?"

Deep Love proudly replied, "Yes."

Glitch asked, "Did she contacted you or you contacted her?"

Deep Love replied, "She sometimes talks to us when we do something good."

Glitch asked, "So you mean when you help somebody, then Eve praises you."

Deep Love's mood suddenly changed. He replied, "She rarely praises anybody. She only told me 'Good' when I killed a top player of Land of Dark."

'She still hates Lilith.' Glitch thought. Thinking for a while, then he asked, "Can you try saying something?"

Deep Love agreed. "Try saying Master likes Lilith more than you," Glitch asked.

Deep Love replied, "Nope, can't do that."

"Do you want to talk with Eve?" asked Glitch.

Deep Love quickly replied, "Yes."

Glitch replied, "If you want, then say what I say."

Deep Love asked, "How can you assure that?"

Glitch replied, "Why not take a chance?"

Deep Love thought for a while, and he replied, "Fine, but if she doesn't, then you are in deep trouble."

Glitch was confident in his words. "Repeat. I have found Master. He is looking for you."

Deep Love asked, "What the hell is this?"

Glitch quickly came up with a response, "It is a secret sentence. Believe me."

Deep Love yelled those words loudly. He got a notification.

[Where?]

Deep Love told Glitch. Glitch replied, "Say he is with Lilith."

After getting a reply, he didn't hesitate. He received another notification.

[What? Are you sure you saw Master with that Bitch]

Deep Love said, "Brother, she is cursing someone."

Glitch thought for a while, and he replied, "Say Master wants to talk."

Deep Love said the words. He received another notification.

[Name? Quick]

Deep Love asked, "She wants the name?"

Glitch replied, "Say Glitch."

Deep Love asked, "Whose name is it?"

Glitch replied, "Of course mine."

Deep Love found Glitch to be very mysterious. When he appraised him, he found it very unusual. Glitch's level was one, and he had such a deep understanding. 'Just who is he?'

Glitch also received a notification.

[Player 'Eve' has sent you a friend request]

Glitch asked Deep Lover, "How come, Eve is a player?"

Deep Lover replied, "Both Eve and Lilith are the top rankers in their world."

"Just what the hell is going. I can't get it anymore."

Deep Lover informed him, "Just who are you?"

Glitch sighed, "Give me a sec."

Glitch accepted the request. Eve sent him a whisper, "Who are you?"

Glitch replied, "Don't worry, I am the real deal."

Eve sent another whisper, "Master can't be such a low player."

Glitch chuckled, "To think you would whisper me. Hey, aren't you playing too much."

Eve whispered, "Prove."

Glitch sighed, 'To think she would ask me for proof.'

He replied, "Check my profile. You will find the reason I haven't leveled up yet."

Eve sent a whisper, "Anybody could have gotten it."

Glitch chuckled, "Check my equipment."

A notification rang up.

[System has blocked all communications between player 'Eve'.]

At the same time, Deep Lover received another notification.

[Affinity with Eve has slightly increased]

[This is a remarkable achievement. People will not believe even if you tell them. However, special class Eve's Apostle is now available.]

[This is a unique opportunity in Oasis. You cannot change class, after accepting.]

Deep Lover burst into tears and hugged him, "Thank you, brother. I will follow you for my whole life."

Glitch, who had no idea what his involvement lead to received another notification.

[The System is watching you]

After Deep Lover accepted, he checked his class.

[Eve's Apostle (Secret)]

[There is only one apostle at a time. You stand in the apex of the Land of Light.

Chances of gaining affinity with Eve will likely increase.

Skill 'Wish' will be created.

[Wish]

Allows the user to ask Eve for help in dire times.

Consumption: None

Cooldown: None

[Fulfilling the wish will depend on Eve. There will be a change in affinity, according to the outcome]

Skill 'Prayer will be created.

[Prayer]

Eve will occasionally listen to your words.

Consumption: None

Cooldown: None

Skill 'Upright Light' will be created.

[Upright Light]

The user gives a bright light that deals with creatures of the hostile world with 1000% damage.

You will be forever hostile with Lilith if she knows your presence.

You won't succumb to fear against lowly creatures.

'Dignity' stat will be created.

It shows the dignity of the person. NPCs will acknowledge you easily.

The effect works only in the Land of Light.

[Prince of Light Candidate]

Increases attack of all Light-based skills by 50%

Decreases damaged gained by all Dark-bases skills by 50%

'Prince of Light' advanced class is now available.]

Deep Lover didn't care for anything other than Prayer. Being able to talk with Eve was his ultimate wish. He could even die in happiness.

Glitch didn't say anything.

Deep Lover was no longer able to hold. He asked, "Brother, who are you?"

Glitch replied, "A player."

Deep Lover asked, "You can't be like us."

"Can't tell you the whole thing, but I am a player." this was Glitch's reply.

Deep Lover didn't annoy him anymore. He asked, "Let's add each other as friends."

Glitch sighed after accepting the request. 'I got in a huge mess.'

After a few days of training, Lilith had gotten a distinct personality. She looked at Eve with animosity while him with affection. He had already gotten some idea about this. He decided to help her. He explained to her about her feelings and asked not to rush.

Lilith was not like Eve, who made plans to tease him. He smiled and told him that they both are equal. Lilith gently smiled and sat near him.

He had already planned the story. He asked, "Lilith, call Eve for a minute."

Lilith called Eve. He looked at them and asked, "Are you interested in maintaining the game?"

Both of them nodded. "Then choose a world from these two."

Eve quickly said, "Dibs on Land Of Light. This girl can take the Dark one. Huh, witch."

Lilith replied, "Fufu, trying to hide your slyness with Light. Master, I will take the Dark one. I will see who ends up being the witch. I bet her people will beg to get rid of her"

He shouted, "Stop fighting both of you. Fine, you have chosen the worlds. Now you have it's responsibility. Don't ruin it just for fun. I will include you two in the game as The System of the world."

He went and continued to work. Lilith was reading a book relating to programming while Eve was sniffing his blanket. Lillith saw Eve sniffing. She cursed, "You B*tch, what are you doing. I told you not to. Today was my day, and you ruined it. I will kill you."

Eve replied, "Hehe, shoo, and read your book. Don't just curse B*tch."

He shouted, "Don't fight. If you do then, Eve will read the book, and Lilith will write the storyline for quests."

Both of them didn't say anything more, he was serious.

He went back to his work. Now that his story was completed, the only thing left was the code.

'Players will get real-life freedom, so it is best to consider all the possibilities.'

He asked them both, "You two, review this whole story, and think of different possibilities. Come with an action plan in each course."

Both went to review the story. After multiple reviews, they had now at least 1000 different routes.

After carefully reviewing them, now he had a pile of different outcomes. 'To think it would be such a bother.' Then he noticed several quests may have resulted in causing bugs.

It was almost midnight. Eve snuggled in his bed, as usual, followed by Lilith. He decided to bring a large bed, removing the other beds. Pulling an all-nighter, he managed to come up with various routes.

He didn't know when he fell asleep. Lilith went and slept in his lap.

In the morning, it was hell. Eve was angry on Lilith so much that she threatened are to kill.

He, who had thought it differently, calmed her down, saying, "She must have fallen asleep while helping me."

Lilith, who was hiding behind him, stuck out a tongue to tease Eve. In the end, both of them ended up cursing each other. He who was in between shouted, "Get ready quickly and get back to work. No fighting."

When they both calmed down, he called them. He said, "Seriously, I don't understand why you two can't get along? Is it because of me? Fine, I will remove myself from the equation."

The expression on their faces went pale. They said in unison, "Master, don't leave me alone with this B*tch. Take me with you."

He glared at them. "Seriously, is it too much to ask. I have decided that I will be leaving you two." He took out some papers from the drawers and handed over to them. "I will leave this place for a while, till then, you two better get along. I have a job for you both. Get into a college and study there. Don't create any ruckus. Eve, you will help butler in handling the company, don't bankrupt it. Lilith, go and help in the development of diving technology. Make sure it transfers user consciousness, not just sends some brain waves to their head. Eve, you are good with human emotions, right? Lilith, you develop a console for her and release it on the internet. Eve, interact with them, and Lilith, make sure there are no bugs or loopholes in it."

Before they could say something, he added, "Don't bother finding me. Try to get together and not blow each other. Lilith, be sure to support her, and Eve, guide her. I have already asked the butler to make the arrangements for you. So, get ready, and remember not to blow up the world or brag about me. If possible, try to look after humans."

He went back to his room, making the necessary arrangements.

Deep Lover added Glitch as a friend. He couldn't help but feel good for helping him. Glitch stretched a bit and asked, "What is your class?"

Deep Lover proudly replied, "Eve's Apostle. It's all thanks to you."

Glitch replied, "No, the previous one."

Deep Lover replied, "Magical Swordsman of Light."

Glitch's eyes glittered, 'One of the unique classes in Oasis. No way this dude isn't crazy for that girl. Just how many quests did he do.'

Magical Swordsman of Light, one of many unique classes, To gain it, the player had to travel from city to city and help priests of the church to eradicate monsters, not failing a single time, without letting a single NPC die. The hardest way was to discover the ruins of Lugh, where the player had to solo a pack of werewolves, at least above level 300.

Deep Lover added, "Don't tell anyone, but it is a unique class that I happen to get after donating, a ton of money to the church."

'A pay to win player.' Glitch was the one who set this condition. For it, the player must donate to the church in every city and must have the class Magical Swordsman.

Glitch sighed and asked, "What is your level?"

Deep Lover replied, "423. I played from Beta."

He asked, "Did you gain awakening?"

Deep Lover was considered a veteran, yet he didn't know anything about it. He replied, "No. What is it?" He asked in excitement.

Glitch asked, "When did you last level up?"

Deep Lover replied, "Three months ago."

Glitch replied, "The EXP required is too big, isn't it?"

Deep Lover nodded. Just to level up, he had to stay in the game for the whole month, leaving only for the time to eat and to go to the toilet.

Glitch advised, "You should focus on your proficiency, not levels. Anyhow how long did it take you to acquire swordsmanship?"

Deep Lover thought for a while, and he replied, "One hour at tops."

Glitch was frustrated, 'Just who was the guy who caused this?' He replied, "Thank you. I will now focus on my work."

He kept swinging his sword, with each swing, it became faster.

After a while, he received a notification that his energy was now depleted. He already had experienced so, he sat in a corner and took out the book and scribble. He kept writing all the things he knew. Deep Lover, who was waiting for him, when found him writing, asked, "What are you writing?"

Glitch replied, "Nothing, it' my hobby to analyze things." He didn't pay much attention to him and continued writing. After writing several pages, the book shone brightly. A notification popped up.

[Soul inside the Book of Eternal Gluttony has eaten the knowledge of mysterious origin. After feeding it enough, the soul will be awakened.]

[Scholar's soul has interacted with you. Intelligence has been permanently increased by 50 points.]

[Divine power inside the Scribble of Thoth has entered your body. Your body is starting to absorb the power]

Glitch found his whole body being torn apart, "What the f*uck is this."

Deep Lover asked, "What happened to you, Brother?"

Glitch realized something was wrong, "Who the f*uck is doing this. Mercy, is it you? Stop playing."

He got no reply. While he was enduring the pain, Deep Lover was in a state of shock. He didn't know what was happening.

A minute passed, followed by another minute and then another. Each minute felt longer than a year.

He was lying on the floor when he received a series of notification.

[Threshold of pain has been broken. The title 'One Who Dares to Challenge Beyond' has been improved. 'Willpower' stat will be created. All stats have been increased by 150 points.]

[Your superior body has managed to absorb the divine power. Your body has been greatly enhanced. The multiplier has been doubled.]

[All divine attacks will receive an increase of 200%. All damage caused by Dark attacks will be reduced by 200%]

[System grants the user a special privilege for breaking the threshold. The user can communicate with the System through thoughts.]

Glitch didn't even waste a second when he saw this. He asked inside his mind, 'Mercy, are you there?'

"Hehe. Master, sorry, but I had to make it perfect."

Glitch replied, "Do you know who killed me? Did you see the killer?"

Mercy replied, "Yes, it was me who killed you."

I did the the reviews on the previous chapter. I am sorry for the mistakes. I am not very proficient in English. I am using Grammarly to recheck the chapters. I will also recheck the chapter in the near future. Please continue to give me pointers.


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User avatar
64 Reviews


Points: 1460
Reviews: 64

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Wed Jul 15, 2020 3:23 am
brotherGeo wrote a review...



Once again long, but very good. an excellent continuation on your story. gave a lot of insight on the world of oasis, i'm getting some SAO vibes. its very interesting and the mystique of glitch's murder is a great addition. like the other reviews say, your paragraphs aren't really paragraphs, so combining you sentences would be very good in helping the story flow. its a great story and i'm looking forward to reading chapter 3. as @Feldspar said an authors note would be much appreciated, i knew it was an authors note by the change to first person but it would still be best if you made it clear. also yeah if you don't need blur swearing just mark the chapter for swearing.
keep writing its very interesting.
-brotherGeo




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62 Reviews


Points: 31
Reviews: 62

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Tue Jul 14, 2020 11:20 pm
RadDog13579 wrote a review...



Hey, RadDog here. Wow, what an amazing continuation of your story. Now for the review. You should probably try to combine some of these many sentences into 1 paragraph. It felt like it was almost a playwright in a way. Also, when the system is talking you use brackets. I would consider maybe making these bolded or italicized if that's possible. It would help the text pop more. Overall an amazingly great story you have going on here. I cant wait for chapter three. Until then, keep up the good work. I bid you farewell.

-RadDog




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5 Reviews


Points: 599
Reviews: 5

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Sat Jul 04, 2020 6:03 pm
Feldspar wrote a review...



Here we go,

Much of this isn't in paragraphs, so I don't really know what to say about that. It switches from lines and lines to blocks. I think you should stick with one and keep it if you like it because it's harder when it changes up a lot.

Please add an author's note at the end too. I looks like a part of the story and I almost thought that until I read it farther, but it's great that you are trying to make it neater because that is never a bad thing.

The usage of brackets are also done in a odd way. The are most likely overused and it looks very lazy, so I'd get rid of like half of them and maybe experiment in bold to get the point you wanted across better.

I also haven't read the last part of this, so I should go back, which I probably will after I get this done.

You don't have to blur out swear words too. Just mark it accordingly if you choose to add them in. A reviewer will choose if you ant to review it, but that just looks totally off and very unorganized.

I'm wrapping this up now.
Feld





Turn your demons into art, your shadow into a friend, your fear into fuel, your failures into teachers, your weaknesses into reasons to keep fighting. Don’t waste your pain. Recycle your heart.
— Andréa Balt