My topic has really made me think twice. When I watch Ghost Whisperer I am amazed of seeing ghosts, it would be cool but then again, it would be creepy. When I see Melinda acting normal as she talks to ghosts I wonder "Isn't it freaky?" or "That would be cool to help the dead, and to see them like my Grandpa."
Are there really Ghosts? Is there a paranormal lifein this world?
I've seen some signs of certain Paranormal things. I beleive in them.
I have felt a cold breeze out of nowhere. I have felt a presence. I have seen shadows and white figures from nowhere.
Do you beleive?
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Canary word: Present
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This, as previously mentioned, almost seems like a blurb or a memo. I am not going to discuss with you my opinions on ghosts. I will critique this as a writing piece.
Your hook is weak, but your ending is strong. I'd advise you to come up with a hook.
Describe your life experiences, elaborate on paranormal activity. Tell your story with ghosts.
GRADE: F
Just a note: put a space between "life" and "in". And "beleive" is spelled "believe".
Wow. That was short. That wasn't an essay or whatever; that was a note. Like, a pass-to-your-friend-in-class note...
If you're going to write something, write something more substantial. Okay, you made three points: "I have felt a cold breeze out of nowhere. I have felt a presence. I have seen shadows and white figures from nowhere." Build off them; go into depth. People want to know more about these things. I know I would, because then I could compare my own experiences with yours!
Go back, brainstorm, and add to it. That's really the best I can tell you right now, because there's nothing more to critique!
Sorry if this seemed harsh in any way...
I am an avid believer of such things. Its not necessary that a paranormal spirit is evil or destructive like they show in movies, books etc. There are some spirits of our loved ones who are no longer with us. They have a purpose. If you want to know more about it then read, 'Many masters, Many lives' by Dr. Brian L. Weiss. Hope that helps!
Hey there Nike.
I just want to say that for the most part I agree with Ben. This reads like an incomplete thought or framework for something larger, not a persuasive essay that people can read and and identify with. I think the colors are tacky and distracting, and so bright I had to highlight over the words to read them.
Expand this, post this in your blog, do whatever you wish to do. But, good luck, and keep writing!
-Elinor
Hey there Nike,
Firstly I wouldn't say this piece is finished because it appears more like a memo or something. I do say I like your use of short sentences though. However, my suggestion is that a) you change the bright, fluroescent colours because they're horrible to read and b) perhaps post this in your blog as opposed to "Non-Fiction", because it seems a little too much like 'notes' or a 'framework' rather than an actual piece.
Hope this helps & keep writing,
Ben