Still Waiting on You

Alright yall, seriously. I leave for 6 months and all the emotional breakups have gone throught the roof. Alrighty you beautiful beautiful little lady. Let me tell you a little somethin about us Possoms alright? Alright.

It starts like this, this poem is awesome. Kind of like me, Ossum, but in the Awesome kind of way ya know? What I mean by that is, everything about it is strong. I would not say powerful as others did because the moos isn't set to be powerful. If it was, the ending would have gone something like, "Oh? 3 weeks huh? Sick em Ossum!" and I woulda been like, "You betcha! OM NOM NOM NOM!"

But anyways, yes. In critique, cause you know us possoms love getting in the little things. I would say your beginning and the rest of the poem almost have different approaches based on the wording. The beginning suggests based on the format that you are almost angry, (Which, pfft, why shouldnt you be but moving on.) While the rest of the poem suggests that you are almost feeling like you are the one who drove him away. And all you want is him back.

And I say that, not in the sense you are saying its your fault. But you go on saying, we did this, and that, and all those things, and you loved them all. What happened to make your forget? That kind of emotion really stands out underneath all the others once you read it through.... about 5 times. (I liked it. )

And then again in the ending, you start getting angry again, and that is when the reader says, "Ok I now know where this is going. She is feeling betrayed and is getting done by letting it all out." Kind of feeling but then you give in again by saying the last two lines. As if, after everything he has done, will do, you understand that he is and will be doing even if he did come back. You still want him, which scrambles everything up.

Now. IN HIGH SIGHT. (And with all the consideration taken) after a break up a persons mind, especially yours since you were left, would be scrambled. So of course, that could totally work as well. But to accomplish that I would suggest switching a few lines around.

And now that I am done digging through this amazing piece of work I found tonight I have only one thing left to say. Dont let this be the epitome of your poetry! Every poet has a better piece to write! And one just aint enough ya know?

You have an amazing super fantastic superbly OSSSSUM Day!
Oh, and also smile. Cause you look absolutely beautiful today.

I really liked this. The repetition is very powerful, the period at the end of each "I hope she does" / "I hope you do" makes it strong and determined full of purpose and intent, I like that. It is very revealing as to your relationship. I especially like the way the poem is clearly split into the two sections, it's unusual and different than the poems that flow right through allowing the reader to reflect more accurately. The only criticism I have is the use of the "*" I think it takes away from the rest of the poem a little, but that's it! Great work!

Your babe, RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
So I know you've been going through a hard time with this break-up and I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry I told you about his new girlfriend (who, honest to God, is seriously not as pretty as you are, I swear.)
This poem really conveyed a lot of your pain as well as the emptiness I could sense from our conversations about this. The poem seems hauntingly hollow as well as agonizingly painful.
I like the text speak in the middle, even though I think you could use a different way to say it. It's unique and interesting, so I'd keep it anyway.
In regards to mechanics, there are a few commas missing but it's no big deal.
My favorite line is:

Does she realize how cold your hands are, how cold your lips are?

I hope she does.

Hey retro here!

I just wanted to say I loved this, expect for one part;

When you use the * I think it ruins the poem slightly and takes sways from
Everything you've got going on here; it feels a little text speak. I'd reword
It maybe with some imagery to get he same message in a more
Powerful way!

Because other than that this is flawless,

Keep it up,
Retro

I love the symbolism and jaggedness of your words. I thought the contrast of the first and second half was wonderful. However, I (personally) didn't like the way you divided the two. To me, I felt like you might've made the poem a bit more emotionally provoking if you allowed yourself to write what you felt in between stanza 2 and 3 rather than splitting them up with an overview of how you felt. Otherwise, I thought this was beautifully written and I really enjoyed reading it.

Only one word for this. AMAZING! Probably one of the best poems that I have EVER read. You are an amazing writer. On a score of up to ten, I give this a 900!! *internally screams* Yeah, if you haven't realized, this is really good. That is all. Goodbye.

This was a very good poem. I really liked it. I really enjoyed how it was formatted. The bullets and the one word sentences. I also found it quite cool how you related a break up to a death. That was very good symbolism. The first and third lines in the second stanza felt a little different from the rest of the poem. But in all reality, I'm pointing that out because I think the rest of it is absolutely beautiful. You have talent.